Well, looky that: my first thread, and it's a WWYD

[pairadocs]

:wave: Gooooood morning infidels! [/channeling Robin Williams]

So after childhoods raised with, respectively, Roman Catholicism and sortakinda-whocares Lutheranism, and a brief mutual flirt with neopaganism, DH & I are now parked in lot A for Atheist.

DH's mom is, um, having trouble accepting this. She's not mentioning it every visit anymore :rolleyes: but recently a Fwd: Fwd: Fw graced DH's inbox with the personal note, "I am sending you this because I care." Par for her passive-aggressive course. The link was this one (http://www.passionup.com/fun/fun4528.htm?e=louiseungro@hotmail.com&f=froggiemad1@cox.net&h=bb08c6204ace9eec&mp=1&confirm=1) (caution: very schlocky).

I want to respond to it. Suggesting that she poke herself in the eye with a sharp stick, or exchange her buttplug for a slightly smaller size, is tempting but I'd rather keep the blowout minimal on this one. What do you all think of this:

Dear Mom/***,

We understand that you care about us, and because you care about us we'd like you to respect the fact that our religious beliefs are different from yours. It's hard to feel respected when it seems like you think you need to change us to your religion for our own good.

We're glad that you find comfort and strength in your religion, but just because we don't share it doesn't mean *our* lives are lacking in the comfort, wonder and strength that you draw from your God.

Thank you for caring about us, but please save religious messages for loved ones who share your religion.

We love you,
DH and me
Any suggestions? Points I might make that I left out? And yeah, DH did authorize this to be a joint note.

Thanks!
Kristin

[walt6]

You forgot to add the buttplug suggestion.

[pairadocs]

No, no, Walt. Minimal blowout, remember? Minimal. :rolling:

[Never]

Depending on the MIL, you may not acheive minimal blowout...but I think it's a good note.

(says the wimp who hasn't gotten around to mentioning religion to her in-laws)

[PoodleLovinPessimist]

My advice: Just let it go. Don't thank her, don't yell at her, just ignore it.

But good grief, what glurge! :rolleyes:

[jmem]

I too would ignore it. To friends sending such e-mails I will say something...but to a mother in law who fears her baby going to hell, I would not bother responding.

That link was truly dreadful though. If I was presuming to speak for god through a website, I'd for sure use less garish graphics.

Sad thing is, I thought it was talking about a mother's love at first, right up until the part where it said "I gave you trials to make you stronger" or some such tripe, then I knew that kind of questionable love can only come from gawd :rolleyes:

[pairadocs]

If I was presuming to speak for god through a website, I'd for sure use less garish graphics.
LOL! The Spew Monster strikes again. Good thing I finished my tea before logging on. I had to snicker when I saw the note from the person who'd first forwarded it (from smother-in-law's church of course): "This is just AWESOME! You HAVE to see it!" Hoooookay.

Sad thing is, I thought it was talking about a mother's love at first, right up until the part where it said "I gave you trials to make you stronger" or some such tripe, then I knew that kind of questionable love can only come from gawd :rolleyes:
Me too! Well, I would have, except she forwarded it to ev.ery.one. in her address book, only 2 of whom she's a mother to (yup, she sent it to my atheist brother-in-law too).

I can see the case for ignoring it. The thing is, we tried ignoring it for the first 4 years of our marriage (starting back when we were still neopagan) and believe me, give her an inch and she'll take a mile. We smiled & nodded politely and guess what it got us? She took it upon herself to teach our 4 1/2 year-old all about how God died on the cross :angry: This despite our making clear that he was not to receive any religious education!

Seemingly innocuous crap like this email is her passive-aggressive way of feeling out territory for some larger stunt. It has to be nipped in the bud.

BTW, where has this forum been all my life? :love: :notworthy

[King Rat]

If your MiL farted loudly during dinner, would you say anything, or just "let it pass?"

[PinkPanther_04]

That was pretty weak.

It did have a few nice pictures, like the one of the beach at sunset, but what gives with the pulsating sun? Does god live on the sun now? :huh:

My aunt used to send me stuff like that, not because she was trying to manipulate me, but because she just didn't know that I didn't appreciate it. I say, if someone's pulling that nonsense in an effort to manipulate you, do whatever you have to to put a stop to it. Manipulative people don't respond to just ignoring the things they do, as you're already aware. I'd send the email. It's concise and polite, but it gets the message across. There's no reason feel bad for wanting someone to respect your boundaries, no matter who it is (and quite often it's mothers who are the absolute worst about that sort of thing).

[TomboyMom]

Welcome to the forum. Enjoyed your post; please post more. I thought the letter was great, but since it's a MIL, for political reasons you might want it signed by DH only. Also warning before clicking link was helpful, but could have included caution against possible vomiting.

[dracon427]

You forgot to add the buttplug suggestion.

I like the buttplug suggestion too.

[Jobar]

Welcome, pairadocs. (what, are you and your hubby both Ph.D.s?) ;)

For things like this, you have to judge your response by the amount of irritation caused, I think. I agree that the buttplug remark is good, however you should save it until the irritant factor is considerably higher. :D

If she gets to sending you lots of stuff, we can give you lots of ammunition for counter attack; for instance, you might tell her you have started worshipping the Invisible Pink Unicorn (Peace Be Upon Her Holy Horn!) (http://www.geocities.com/ipuprophecy/scripture.html)
:D:D:D

Seriously though, I'd probably ignore it with dignity, for the first two or three times. Then a polite warning a la your note above, then a less polite note, then take off the kid gloves. (Which can be fun, but can also badly damage family harmony...)

[Tzar Bomba]

I think whatever fundybot made that miserable web page would be well-served by being barred from ever getting within 50 miles of a computer again.

Usually when I read a religious inspiration website, I can at least find humor in it. This time I was unable to feel anything but shame for my species.

[braces_for_impact]

How about sending some nice pictures of death and destruction with the caption saying "I was there"?

[Ebonmuse]

Gooooood morning infidels! [/channeling Robin Williams]

Well, hey there. Welcome to IIDB. :wave:

So after childhoods raised with, respectively, Roman Catholicism and sortakinda-whocares Lutheranism, and a brief mutual flirt with neopaganism, DH & I are now parked in lot A for Atheist.

That's wonderful! We're glad to have you, and yes, I am temporarily usurping the authority to speak for the entire board when I say that. :D

Any suggestions? Points I might make that I left out? And yeah, DH did authorize this to be a joint note.

I think what you've got is well written: firm, polite, and to the point. However, I might suggest one minor change, in this part:


We're glad that you find comfort and strength in your religion, but just because we don't share it doesn't mean *our* lives are lacking in the comfort, wonder and strength that you draw from your God.


This seems to me as if it's yielding a bit too much ground. Although it's obvious to us you didn't mean it that way, your pesky relative may interpret this statement as one of envy. I would say something like this:


We're glad that you find comfort and strength in your religion, but just because we don't share it doesn't mean we lack those things. We're happy as we are and have no desire to change.


It's your letter, of course, so feel free to cheerfully disregard this suggestion as you see fit. But be sure to let us know how it turns out!

[starling]

Fwd: Fwd: Fw graced DH's inbox with the personal note, "I am sending you this because I care." Par for her passive-aggressive course.

Hmm.... *clicky* Okay. My mom? Mom. ...Mom. ^.^ Mom--waaait a sec. Ten to one this is about Jesus, not mom. That's just sick. I can already tell, I bet the pulsing light sources turn into the "Morning Star" himself. *winces and continues* :D Well at least it wasn't Baby Jesus!

Any suggestions? Points I might make that I left out? And yeah, DH did authorize this to be a joint note.

Well, first I might note that your mom probably just pasted in her addressbook. I have a fundie friend who used to do that all the time until I bugged him into omitting me. So she sent you the Godogram in the same manner that you just sent it to us. ;)

That doesn't mean she gets off though. There's enough of a chance she sent it to try and drag you back into the fold, i.e. save your soul. What I would have probably replied with is "Hello, could you stop sending me that stuff? It's not going to do any good, and I don't appreciate being told things I don't believe in. I suspect that you care more about your god than me, and if so you should direct your correspondences upward, and leave me alone."

So in other words... your letter is exempelary, and says all of what I said in nice polite nonsnappish terms that I could never summon myself. Go for it!

[SLUGFly]

I think you're on the right track. It's respectful while still stating your position. But depending on her level of defensiveness there's no telling how it might go over. She might read it as "oh, they're still lost, I'll have to try harder next time." Or she might read it as "He's telling me to shut up???!!!"

As a general mail, I think it's good.

lol, my mom sends me stuff like this (may not be suitable for all ages)
http://mediapickle.com/swf/dearpenis.swf

[pairadocs]

Aha, hmm, well I sent it (before I saw your post, ebonmuse, which is unfortunate because I'd been trying to say that bit more directly & couldn't find the words).

I got back a reply addressed only to ME (because I'm the crazy one :rolleyes: ). It basically went, and I paraphrase broadly:

a) you are a mean, oversensitive person to ever think I could intend to offend
b) I know you love God in your own way
c) God is universal so this message is for everyone
d) I wanted you to know God loves you
e) Everyone finds God their own way
f) Don't read bad things into my purehearted motives

She also says DH told her he believes in God. This is her standard, highly creative, wishful, selective hearing. (She's also convinced that all his childhood, DH wanted to be a priest.)

I replied that since she didn't want to offend anyone, she needs to be aware that the Christian god is far from universal; that people of different faiths are not in fact trying to find or finding God, they have their *own* gods or are happy with no god at all; and that people who don't worship a particular god don't generally react well to being told that god loves them. In short, it's not accurate to assume that a message from one faith is relevant to people outside that faith.

We had this exchange yesterday and I haven't heard anything back. If things go according to pattern there'll be a couple days minimum of hurt silence before she calls DH to get some good guilting in :rolleyes:

[pairadocs]

Oh, yeah.

(what, are you and your hubby both Ph.D.s?)
Nope.

A pairadocs!
A pairadocs!
A most ingenious pairadocs!
We've pumps and platforms seen in flocks
But none to beat this pair a' Docs!

;) :p

[getalong]

it's not accurate to assume that a message from one faith is relevant to people outside that faith.


I think you're barking up the wrong tree with this. She sent you spam. The content of the spam doesn't matter, couldn't care less if it's 'god love you' or 'get your hot Thai chilies with viagra'.

We all have a responsibility to teach our communities not to pass on spam. It's just as bad as sending out chain letters. If you approach the discussion from that point of view you avoid the whole religion hot button thing and might have a chance of making some headway on the spam issue.

There's also the other way of dealing with this ... spam her back. :devil1:

getalong

[Ebonmuse]

I got back a reply addressed only to ME (because I'm the crazy one :rolleyes: ).

I replied that since she didn't want to offend anyone, she needs to be aware that the Christian god is far from universal; that people of different faiths are not in fact trying to find or finding God, they have their *own* gods or are happy with no god at all; and that people who don't worship a particular god don't generally react well to being told that god loves them. In short, it's not accurate to assume that a message from one faith is relevant to people outside that faith.

We had this exchange yesterday and I haven't heard anything back. If things go according to pattern there'll be a couple days minimum of hurt silence before she calls DH to get some good guilting in :rolleyes:

This is probably the point at which it would be wise for you to stop communicating with her directly (at least in my opinion). You've made your feelings known, you've said what you wanted to say, and there's an end to it. Responding further would probably only provoke a pointless argument. (And, I might mention, it was very rude of her to reply only to you when the letter was obviously from both of you.) Of course, this assumes she stops sending godspam. If she ignores your express wishes and continues to bombard you with this stuff, then I say the gloves should come off. If that happens, I recommend Dan Barker's Dear Believer (http://www.stephenjaygould.org/ctrl/barker_believer.html). :devil3: