Fundamentalist children

[johntheapostate]

I am an ex Christian atheist with 4 children and we live in a very conservative area of Canada. As an ex fundamentalist I cant help but feel some antagonism towards Christianity.

I just can not force myself to leave this area because both me and my wifes reletives live in the area and I have deep atatchment to the property were I live.

I managed to convince my wife to accept my atheism and we are raising our children without any religious belief, but I sometimes wonder what would happen ( and it is probable due to the demographics) if my boys would marry someone with a strong religious belief who insisted that my grandchildren be brought up in the faith.

I dont know if I could help myself but to interfere in such a situation. Is a long bitter struggle inevetable for me and my children.

[seachelle76]

I am an ex Christian atheist with 4 children and we live in a very conservative area of Canada. As an ex fundamentalist I cant help but feel some antagonism towards Christianity.

I just can not force myself to leave this area because both me and my wifes reletives live in the area and I have deep atatchment to the property were I live.

I managed to convince my wife to accept my atheism and we are raising our children without any religious belief, but I sometimes wonder what would happen ( and it is probable due to the demographics) if my boys would marry someone with a strong religious belief who insisted that my grandchildren be brought up in the faith.

I dont know if I could help myself but to interfere in such a situation. Is a long bitter struggle inevetable for me and my children.


Well, as I'm sure that you wouldn't want anyone, even a grandparent, interfering in how you have decided to raise your children, the same respect should apply to your own eventual grandchildren. I'd say that the likelihood of your own kids marrying someone whose own beliefs were that different/uncompromising would probably be fairly small. Cross that bridge when you get to it.

[johntheapostate]

Well, as I'm sure that you wouldn't want anyone, even a grandparent, interfering in how you have decided to raise your children, the same respect should apply to your own eventual grandchildren. I'd say that the likelihood of your own kids marrying someone whose own beliefs were that different/uncompromising would probably be fairly small. Cross that bridge when you get to it.


I did/do get interferance as there are many people who believe we are headed for hell. I cant really blame them, can you imagine how it must feel to think that someone you love is going to hell. In a way I would be more troubled if they showed no concern at all.

unfortunitly for them I have devoted a much larger portion of my life to studying the Bible than they have and have become adept at thrashing there beliefs using there own holy book.

As I feel almost as strongly about my children or grandchildren becoming Christians as the people who believe me and my family are going to hell, I dont think I would be able keep myself from using my knowledge to attemp to deconvert any future daughter in laws.

I am quiet certain my boys would never marry someone who was an obvious fanatic but I have seen often enough a religous upbringing that has gone dormant resurface after marriage and especially after the birth of children.

[Biff the unclean]

I am quiet certain my boys would never marry someone who was an obvious fanatic but I have seen often enough a religous upbringing that has gone dormant resurface after marriage and especially after the birth of children.

Once your sons are grown you'll have no more say-so.
But what even makes you think that they would go against their own better judgement when it comes to their own children?

[johntheapostate]

Once your sons are grown you'll have no more say-so.
But what even makes you think that they would go against their own better judgement when it comes to their own children?


People often go against better judgement when they fall in love only to realise they have ireconsiliable differences later.And they would not be the only parent who would have a say in how the children are raised

Why is it wrong for the parents to try to have some measure of influence over there grown children and there kids

My dad considered it his absolute duty to try to bring me back to the faith till the day he died.

Wouldnt most Christian parants and grandparants feel the same.

I guess I am not as confident as some people in the ability of the values taught in childhood to stick to a person in adulthood.

I mean I was raised in a conservative Christian household in a conservative town and even without the influence of a non Christian I became an atheist

[Biff the unclean]

People often go against better judgement when they fall in love only to realise they have ireconsiliable differences later.And they would not be the only parent who would have a say in how the children are raised
That’s very true.
But, on this board, there are many Atheists who are very concerned about offending family members and it’s rare that any are concerned about family members offending them.

Why is it wrong for the parents to try to have some measure of influence over there grown children and there kids
That’s your job when they are growing up. When they are grown your job switches to “moral support.�
Of course you should give them advise and the benefit of your experience. But they will do what they think is best, and your job is to stand behind what they decide.

My dad considered it his absolute duty to try to bring me back to the faith till the day he died.
And you did what you thought was best away. That’s as it should be.

Wouldnt most Christian parants and grandparants feel the same.
Sure they would. It’s hard to relinquish the responsibility of shaping your children’s character after it has been your duty to shape it for so many years. You keep wanting to do a little fine tuning.

I guess I am not as confident as some people in the ability of the values taught in childhood to stick to a person in adulthood.

I mean I was raised in a conservative Christian household in a conservative town and even without the influence of a non Christian I became an atheist
You do your best, you can do no more. Then they are on their own. If you’ve done your job you have prepared them to function on their own. If you haven’t, they are going to be on their own anyway.

[johntheapostate]

Oh the frustration!

I have already deconverted my adult wife, one brother and almost another. Why oh why are my future hypothetical daughter in laws off limits for my deconversion techniques.

[Biff the unclean]

Oh the frustration!

I have already deconverted my adult wife, one brother and almost another. Why oh why are my future hypothetical daughter in laws off limits for my deconversion techniques.
Oh your daughter-in-law isn't off limits. You'll just speak to her adult to adult. If you make a good enough case she may well change. You just can't dictate change

[johntheapostate]

Evengelical Christians consider everyone fair game for conversion to Christianity.

When is it ethical for the atheist to try and impress his non belief onto a Christian using the power of reason and persuasion?

At what point does it become unethical?

[jastity]

People might consider that their faith requires them to be evangelical, but that doesn't stop it from being a foul, intrusive, and disrespectful behaviour. That works both ways.

[Jehanne]

I am an ex Christian atheist with 4 children and we live in a very conservative area of Canada. As an ex fundamentalist I cant help but feel some antagonism towards Christianity.

I just can not force myself to leave this area because both me and my wifes reletives live in the area and I have deep atatchment to the property were I live.

I managed to convince my wife to accept my atheism and we are raising our children without any religious belief, but I sometimes wonder what would happen ( and it is probable due to the demographics) if my boys would marry someone with a strong religious belief who insisted that my grandchildren be brought up in the faith.

I dont know if I could help myself but to interfere in such a situation. Is a long bitter struggle inevetable for me and my children.

My wife and children do not even know about my “de-conversion� from Catholicism back to atheism. They are so close to being practical atheists anyway (as are most Catholics) that we hardly talk about religion, and I consider the “mental comforts� that faith provides my children to be harmless as well as meaningless. Besides, I like going to Mass once or so every year. Even though I do not believe in any of it, the Tridentine Mass that we rarely attend is beautiful to behold -- it’s like being in the Middle Ages! :)

[johntheapostate]

My wife and children do not even know about my “de-conversion� from Catholicism back to atheism. They are so close to being practical atheists anyway (as are most Catholics) that we hardly talk about religion, and I consider the “mental comforts� that faith provides my children to be harmless as well as meaningless. Besides, I like going to Mass once or so every year. Even though I do not believe in any of it, the Tridentine Mass that we rarely attend is beautiful to behold -- it’s like being in the Middle Ages! :)


How would it make you feel if your children's benevolant Christianity morphed into militant Protostant fundamentalism when they reached adulthood?

It does seem that fundamentalism is mining the ranks of liberal Christians.

[Jehanne]

How would it make you feel if your children's benevolant Christianity morphed into militant Protostant fundamentalism when they reached adulthood?

It does seem that fundamentalism is mining the ranks of liberal Christians.

I "preach" the scientific method! One day my daughter (age 7) started talking about evolution. Honest, I had never mentioned that “word� but had talked about “descent with modification�.

[Biff the unclean]

Even though I do not believe in any of it, the Tridentine Mass that we rarely attend is beautiful to behold -- it’s like being in the Middle Ages! :)
The good old days when everyone was a Catholic a.k.a. the dark ages.
Good news though, I know a dentist who is just like being in the middle ages. I'll send you his card.

[Jehanne]

The good old days when everyone was a Catholic a.k.a. the dark ages.
Good news though, I know a dentist who is just like being in the middle ages. I'll send you his card.

I like the way the women dressed! :D (Pretty much everything else about that period of history stinks, though!)

[braces_for_impact]

The best you can do is teach your kids reason, logic and critical thinking. If that sticks, if they have a good "bullshit meter" to face life with, then they just might be adequately prepared.

[Jehanne]

The best you can do is teach your kids reason, logic and critical thinking. If that sticks, if they have a good "bullshit meter" to face life with, then they just might be adequately prepared.

http://www.carlsagan.com/revamp/carlsagan/baloney.html

[Cynthia of Syracuse]

This thread is more appropriate in Secular Lifestyle.

[Stout Drinker]

Evengelical Christians consider everyone fair game for conversion to Christianity.

When is it ethical for the atheist to try and impress his non belief onto a Christian using the power of reason and persuasion?

At what point does it become unethical?

It becomes unethical for a grandparent to undermine the authority of their grandchildren's parents.

You would resent it if your parents tried to influence your childrens religious (non)beliefs. If you were to do the same to your son and his hypothetical wife's children, they would be justified in resenting you.

Basically its the job of the parents to instill whatever religous beliefs they deem fit whether or not you approve of them.

[never been there]

It's funny. Those I know who grew up in towns like yours without being of the dominant faith generally found it quite OK without severe pressure to convert. They only moved away for university and work. On the other hand, those who left the dominant faith move to Winnipeg at the first opportunity (I live surrounded by ex-Menno writers, artists, performers, musicians, etc.).

I just don't think your kids would be so likely to marry anyone more than vaguely spiritual. They aren't going to be the only kids like that, and their "good Christian kid" friends will end up as "walk-aways" by the age of 21 anyway.

Have you read A Complicated Kindness (http://www.mcnallyrobinson.com/product.php?txtCatID=131&txtProdID=47432) yet?