Atheist parents: How do your children identify themselves?

[Anat]

A few days ago we were at an indoor playground. My 6.5 year old daughter was approached by an older girl (looked about 9 years old) who asked her, pretty much out of the blue, as far as I could tell, "what's your religion?"
Naively, my daughter answers, "I don't know. Mommy, Daddy, what's my religion?"

My husband's almost automatic response was "We're scientists" (He views our scientific training as more important to our identity and worldview than religion, ethnicity, nationality or any other background factor.) I remarked that this reply may create missimpretions in more than one way. 'Atheist' - although literally true, might be too confrontational for her at this stage, as well as create the misimpression that atheism is a religion in itself. So pretty much on the spot we decided that for this purpose the best definition would be "we are freethinkers".

What do others do in similar situations?

[Skeptic Pete]

A few days ago we were at an indoor playground. My 6.5 year old daughter was approached by an older girl (looked about 9 years old) who asked her, pretty much out of the blue, as far as I could tell, "what's your religion?"
Naively, my daughter answers, "I don't know. Mommy, Daddy, what's my religion?"

My husband's almost automatic response was "We're scientists" (He views our scientific training as more important to our identity and worldview than religion, ethnicity, nationality or any other background factor.) I remarked that this reply may create missimpretions in more than one way. 'Atheist' - although literally true, might be too confrontational for her at this stage, as well as create the misimpression that atheism is a religion in itself. So pretty much on the spot we decided that for this purpose the best definition would be "we are freethinkers".

What do others do in similar situations?

I think the correct response to teach any child when asked that question is......"None of your damned business".

Well maybe not correct in every circumstance :-)

However you get my meaning?
No one has the right to ask that question of any child and the answer should explain that.

[Never]

Anat, you bring up an excellent question for me.
My attitude toward religion my whole life up unti joining iidb was to ignore it.
I have ignored it with my children also unless they ask a question.
However, I am aware that they have no concept of what religion is about and I have not provided them with one. I suppose I just avoid something I know nothing about and view as frivilous anyway. I don't know HOW to discuss it.

Most of the time it isn't an issue. But I felt bad when my 12 year old had a study guide for school referring to religious stories and she didn't know them (and yes, I complained to the teacher). Also, she found a picture of herself being baptized as an infant (we did it for the grandparents) and wanted to know what that meant. Her friend looked at her like she was crazy, but she really didn't know.

I need to address this before they leave home for college. <sigh>
Any infidels available for tutoring?

[jmem]

Personally, I think the "we're scientists" response is great, but agree that it could be misinterpreted.

Freethinker sums it up well, but could be taken as insulting.

I agree with skeptic pete - to nosy strangers the best response is probably "that's personal". To anyone else, I'll suggest that my children tell them we're not religious.

[openeyes]

Hmmm, could the kid just say, "We're not of any religion"? If the other kid says "What???" could he/she then say something to the effect that "My family uses other means to determine right and wrong. It is possible." Maybe too much for a six-year-old, but maybe not.

I guess my kids could've said Catholic since I was raised that way and they were also baptized for appearances and we did attend Mass occasionally while visiting relatives. Now that they're older and I've become more active in some local atheist groups, the first one (17) has no problem saying he's atheist. The younger (14) is also, but as he is friends with several kids from religious families and actually attends church with one of them every so often (it's part of the deal if he sleeps over on Saturday evening), I'm not sure what he says if asked.

[EverLastingGodStopper]

Our reply: "We're not religious." My kids, 7 and 9, know that we're atheists, and may use the A-bomb to clarify what they mean by "not religious." But typically, they would just say "we don't go to church."

[PoodleLovinPessimist]

Well, my children are grown. One's a Buddhist (more or less) and the other's an atheist.

AFAIK, I never had an issue with it growing up. One son expressed interest in Christianity, went to church a while, then gave it up.

More importantly (god bless them!) they both voted against Bush.

[TexasRose30]

Our reply: "We're not religious." My kids, 7 and 9, know that we're atheists, and may use the A-bomb to clarify what they mean by "not religious." But typically, they would just say "we don't go to church."

Yes, that's what I said a lot growing up, "I'm not religious" or "I don't go to church". It seems to be a little easier for most people to swallow.

Texas Rose

[Alter]

My son (7) has told friends occasionally that he doesn't believe in god. They get upset about it sometimes, so I tell him to keep it to himself. If they ask his religion, he says he's Jewish (we are, ethnically/culturally). That works well against proselytizers, too.

[Anat]

If they ask his religion, he says he's Jewish (we are, ethnically/culturally). That works well against proselytizers, too.

Well, technically we are too. My husband was raised in a very secular family in Argentina, I'm Israeli. We do our (well, my) personal interpretation of the holidays (eg Pessach is strictly a spring celebration). Around Hanukkah my daughter was apparently asked at school if she was Jewish. She said, "no, but my Mom is". I wonder what she thought it meant.

[jastity]

Our reply: "We're not religious." My kids, 7 and 9, know that we're atheists, and may use the A-bomb to clarify what they mean by "not religious." But typically, they would just say "we don't go to church."

I was a child taught the "don't go to church" line. (I was also taught the "we're Church of England" line, that being seen by my parents as meaning social conformity without actual belief or observance. When someone tried to teach me what that meant I can remember they were hugely angry, but that is another story.)

Having always used don't go to church to mean atheist, I for one have been gobsmacked by the other thread about the need for an atheist church. Intellectually I can see that people in a society where atheists are demonised need some social contact and reassurance. Emotionally however it seems very very wrong.

[getalong]

No one has the right to ask that question of any child and the answer should explain that.You can't stop kids from asking these questions of other kids so it's good to have an answer. In addition to 'we don't go to church' I also used 'no (we're not religious)' as a child. One of mine was asked once if she believed in God and had to stop and check with me on the answer (it was a conversation between 4 year olds so don't jump down the asker's throat). The correct answer was 'no, we don't believe in god.'

getalong

[WNCAtheists]

Our boys (7 and 9) occasionally have some comment about occurances in school on this topic. They're both outspoken about being atheists -proud, but occassionally condescending as well.
One giggler -last year, our 7 y/o was having some trouble with another kid talking about god all of the time.
He brought home a booklet that he'd made with these words on the first page:
"Travis is NOT god".
Our 9y/o is a little more thought-out in his responses, but asks for input from us sometimes. A couple months back, he'd told a kid in school that we're atheists, and the kid told him that he'd "pray for him in church on Sunday". I told him a good reply would be "...and I'll watch cartoons for you on Sunday".
[Our 9y/o was also proud to report that he was one of only three "smart" people in his class that knew we evolved from other animals.]

Darrell

[Bookman]

I'm an atheist; my wife believes in god. We've told our kids that they'll make up their minds about what they believe as they grow older.

Presently, Xan (age 4) hasn't given it much thought. Nicole (age 6), however, has decided that she's Jewish because her best friend is.

The important thing to me is that they understand that people have differing beliefs and they they can make up their own mind. Furthermore, we're taking every opportunity to teach that treating people differently because of their religious beliefs is wrong. Given that, I don't think either of them will ever have a problem answering the question.

Bookman

[Darren D]

My wife and I have already told our 5 and 7 year old daughters that we don't believe in god in response to our eldest asking why we didn't go to church. Her best friend is Catholic (or her parents are at least) and gets dragged to church every Sunday.

Neither seemed very interested in discussing it further so we didn't talk about it more.

I do wonder if perhaps we were taking the easy way out. However we don't particularly want to give them a heavy handed atheist "sermon". I do like the idea about telling them that it's their decision to make as they get older. Will need to broach this with the missus - she is much more militantly atheist than I.

[Atheos]

I guess my kid would probably still tell people he was "Church of Christ", but we haven't darkened the door of one of those in 6 or more years.

But someone approaching a child and asking such a personal question ought to be given an appropriate answer, such as "mind your own business, please". At the very least they'd best be prepared to hear something that might offend them.

-Atheos

[dcm]

We live in a world of people and it's pleasurable to "get along" with them even at the expense of lying. As a child I was catholic and so it would have been easy for me to tell both young girls, "we're catholic". Yea, that's right, lying through my teeth. Why be a pariah in your own neighboorhood! Some object to this of course. Isn't truth more important you say? No. Survival is! Now don't get me wrong. I'm honest in many ways but not this one: IT'S ALL A MATTER OF SURVIVAL.

[Stout Drinker]

My son (7) has told friends occasionally that he doesn't believe in god. They get upset about it sometimes, so I tell him to keep it to himself. If they ask his religion, he says he's Jewish (we are, ethnically/culturally). That works well against proselytizers, too.

Actually thats a great thing to say to evangelicals. They need Jews for the end times. All the Jews can move to Israel and either become christians or die.

Evangelicals won't work on converting jews like they would a non believer or a catholic

[itsallsemantics]

No one has the right to ask that question of any child and the answer should explain that.No one has the right to ask that question? What in the hey now? The kid has a right to decline an answer, but we need special rights to ask questions now? Holy heck, and here I thought there was such a thing as innocent curiousity or learning about other people's lives or maybe free speech...

There is the possibility that the kid who asked wasn't trying to convert the other kid, just was curious. I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. Maybe they also grew up in a non-religious house and got curious about this religion thing and decided to ask around in case some of the other kids knew about it. Maybe they were on a conversion mission, but there's no way to know that from "What religion are you?"

Atheism is seen as something of a taboo, and I don't think the way to solve that is to outlaw questions that have anything to do with religion or lack thereof...

[TollHouse]

What do others do in similar situations?

It depends on my mood. "None of your business" or "That's private" works well for me as does "I'm not religious".

[Bright Life]

It depends on my mood and the intention of the question. If it's someone from my neighborhood proselytizing (it's full of little old ladies, they do church drives occassionally), I tell them we're not church-goers, and prefer to keep our religious views private. Most only ask once and leave it at that. Neighborhood harmony is maintained.

Now, if a JW, Evangelical or Mormom comes to the door, I'll often spend a good deal of time in discussion with them. Unconditionally, I am both better read and better educated than my visitors. I am able to present counter arguments to their assertions quite easily, and without rancor. This pleasant opposition tires them out, and they them leave, often saying they'll have to get back with me on unanswered questions. They never do.

Sometimes I respond with "why do you ask?" Depending on the answer, and my mood, I'll give them some variation of the two scenarios above,

[renegadebabe]

This has come up for me abit, too, but since I'm a teenager--maybe it's a little easier. Whenever anyone asks I always say, "I don't have a religion." This often confuses Christians. Sometimes they aren't able to grasp the nonbeliever concept. Other times I will say that I'm a bright or a secular humanist or a freethinker. I personally don't like these terms--but I think people understand more when you say that you're a member of some group--even if it's not Christian. They can't understand that some people just aren't apart of any religion.

[ksagnostic]

My teenage daughter will answer that she is a Unitarian and that her church is "freethinking". Lately, though, she has been muttering to me that she thinks she is "becoming an atheist". Her biggest irritations are the idea that belief in God is necessary to be a good person, and creationism.

Did I mention that I am proud of my kid?

She might still be in a bit of flux right now, but I like her thinking and her reasoning behind what she thinks.

[Leah]

Ok, I have just asked them:
"Children, what is your religion?"

youngest (5): "Me? Nothings."

2nd youngest(7): "What do you mean?"
[me: "As in what do you believe? Like god or Buddah or jesus ..."]
She: "I believe that I can take a paper and make wings and stick them on a ball. Then it looks like a bird. I also believe that I can read really well." :D

2nd oldest (12): "I don't believe in god, I don't believe in any religion."

oldest (14): "I've got no clue. There may be something, but not necessarily that what people believe in."