The Stare

[Genghis_Khan]

I'm sure you've all been caught looking at a stranger before. Maybe not even intentionally, but just in their direction. They picked it up with that sense we all seem to have of being watched, and now you're in a staring contest. It can make for an awkward situation. Who should break first? It all seems trivial when you think about it, but I would think that it would be impossible to ignore. So why is something as innocent as eye contact held as so personal? I've even known some to get angry when theyre being stared at by someone.

I have my ideas about why it's held so personal, but I want to give you readers something else to muse over and hear some of your ideas.

[Thesto Neroses]

Just give a friendly smile if you are stared at (this has happened to me a lot on the MRT in Taipei, what with me being a big sweaty waiguoren, and all) and the tension is broken, or the starer looks away, faintly embarassed.

[Genghis_Khan]

Good advice, but my question is what is it that makes it so awkward?

I can't explain it because I don't know what it is, but [I at least] feel something when I lock eyes with someone. Something with pupil on pupil action brings about certain feelings in us. My question is what do yo think they are [the feelings], and why do they come about [why is it offensive to stare/ why so personal?]

[BlakeEM]

I think people feel that staring means you want something they have, so they are protective or they get offended or angry? They see you’re looking so they feel you want to take something and they don’t trust you as much. Why it makes you feel uncomfortable sometimes to get stared at.

When it’s with the opposite sex it’s as if you want them and if they are interested it’s good, otherwise they would just get creaped out or angry perhaps.

It’s probably an evolution thing I’d guess. Not sure on the details. My guess it has something to do with people looking at people that have stuff they want and people evolved to be weary of people that want their stuff so they can protect them selves.

Other reason is if there is something odd/unusual so they stare, again possibly making people angry or feel awkward that they are acknowledging that they are odd or different about them.

Just a guess, I really have no freakin clue haha :)

[skepticalbip]

As a guess, I would think it has to do with evolution. A remnent of the old threat, challenge, or territorial protection response. If you want to see a more pronounced reaction, find a dog that is not familiar with you (even some that are) and stare into its eyes (you might want to do it from a safe distance). Most dogs will respond with a growl and bared teeth although a few will cower and back away.

[drewjmore]

Eye contact is a social communication behavior used in my animal societies. It is usually a challenge of some degree. How that challenge is percieved runs the gamut of possible responses.

Eye contact between to strange males is often a territorial challenge; Who are you and what do you want?

Among cats, eye contact (re-)establishes dominance, the one who breaks acknowledges the other as superior. Physical struggle can arise from some 'staring contests.'

Between sexes in humans, of course, the challenge can be related to courtship. Most often, eye contact facilitates more specific communication; it demonstrates each party's focus of attention and signals readiness for verbal interaction. There are also important cultural variations: parents with Mexican upbringing tend to expect their children to break eye contact, out of respect, during conversation--especially during reprimands-- and this has consequence in power relationships later in their lives, as well.

[Newton's Cat]

Try this:

Two people sit opposite each other. They gaze into each others eyes, whilst at the same time holding their hands up in front of their eyes, fingers splayed, moving each hand from one side to the other (taking about five seconds to complete each movement) crossing their hands either left in front or right in front (it makes a difference). Its best to do this for an agreed period of time.

[Genghis_Khan]

...Why? What's that supposed to do NC?

[drewjmore]

makes me dizzy....

[miss anthrope]

Just give a friendly smile if you are stared at (this has happened to me a lot on the MRT in Taipei, what with me being a big sweaty waiguoren, and all) and the tension is broken, or the starer looks away, faintly embarassed.

This is a good idea only if smiling is considered an appropriate way of relieving the tension of staring by whatever culture you are in. I was told that staring is not considered rude in Russia, but Russians consider staring and smiling a sexual come-on. I wonder if Americans' tendency to smile has led some Russians to consider us loose...?

[Newton's Cat]

Just give a friendly smile if you are stared at (this has happened to me a lot on the MRT in Taipei, what with me being a big sweaty waiguoren, and all) and the tension is broken, or the starer looks away, faintly embarassed.

Chinese/Japanese women in London don't mind being gazed at. I often get an acknowledging smile - despite me being a bearded late-middle-aged male. African women usually give me a "cold eye". Western European and Muslim women never hold my gaze for more than a second or so. Eastern European women are the most likely to initiate communication.