I think my dad's going to try to get me back to church.

[Ghostgirl]

Argh. My brother quit church years ago and I don't think they bugged him about it at all. Of course, maybe that's because he wasn't home most of the time. I don't know what to do. I feel kind of intimidated by my dad, so I may just take the coward's way out and tell him what he wants to hear.

[SkyDancer_0202]

any possibility of finding a secular volunteer opportunity to occupy your time on Sunday mornings ? ;)

[Richard1366]

Now might be the time to assert your independence and refuse to be intimidated. There are some nice ways to do this without having to take the low road and attend church.

[Imaginary Mark]

Write out a list of humorous ideas on how to get out of going to church and then "accidentally" leave it laying around.

[Peter Watts]

Argh. My brother quit church years ago and I don't think they bugged him about it at all. Of course, maybe that's because he wasn't home most of the time. I don't know what to do. I feel kind of intimidated by my dad, so I may just take the coward's way out and tell him what he wants to hear.

I was going to say, "Be man enough to tell him you don't want any part of church!"
Then I noticed that the last part of your name here is "girl."
So, I got nothing ...

But seriously, you're avoiding confrontation and you should be honest with your family. Otherwise, you put them in the position of making you feel even more resentful. This will really fester if you are not honest with them and with yourself.
If you have the convictions of your beliefs or nonbeliefs, this is what you must do for your own peace of mind.
And by the way, I'm a Christian. I don't believe in forcing people to go to church.

[jackrabbit]

I don't know how old you are, but you might just move out if you're of age. My parents pulled the "as long as you are in this house, you will go to church" gag, so I called their bluff and got an apartment the next day. :D :D

[general_koffi]

I agree with Peter Watts (for once).

The best approach is to take the bull by the horns. There are rarely shortcuts in these matters.

[Magnus Armstrong]

When I was 17 I decided that I was old enough to make up my own mind whether to go to church or not, so one fine Sunday I refused.

My dad was really upset, but I think it had more to do with his embarrassment seeing as he was the church accountant. After that day he has never tried to force me to go.

[jackrabbit]

My incident was similar to that. I simply refused to get out of bed. :D :D

[Alethias]

Give your dad a hug and tell him you love him. Us dads need a lot of that, even though it's hard for some of us to admit it. Tell him that it makes you feel bad that this is an area of conflict, but that your love for him drives you to tell him that truth and that you really don't share the same views on religion with him. Since you don't share his religious views, if he insists that you go to church with him it could put a strain on your relationship with him that you really don't want to happen. Could it be that he feels that your brother not going to church hurt his relationship with your brother? if that's the case, he's gonna try to do things right with you and insist you go. Once he understands that he's not gonna lose you just because you don't wanna go to church, there's a chance he'll back off.

Another piece of advice; if you wanna keep the tone mellow and calm, don't use the word atheist. Call yourself non-religious, or a non theist, or something like that.

SoT

[Peter Watts]

I agree with Peter Watts (for once).

The best approach is to take the bull by the horns. There are rarely shortcuts in these matters.

Thanks, General, I'm glad we found common ground!

[Jobar]

Give your dad a hug and tell him you love him. Us dads need a lot of that, even though it's hard for some of us to admit it. Tell him that it makes you feel bad that this is an area of conflict, but that your love for him drives you to tell him that truth and that you really don't share the same views on religion with him. Since you don't share his religious views, if he insists that you go to church with him it could put a strain on your relationship with him that you really don't want to happen. Could it be that he feels that your brother not going to church hurt his relationship with your brother? if that's the case, he's gonna try to do things right with you and insist you go. Once he understands that he's not gonna lose you just because you don't wanna go to church, there's a chance he'll back off.


Beautiful! :thumbs:

That would almost certainly work better than the method I used at age 15, when I told my parents that I was an atheist, and that if they continued to force me to go to church I'd stand up in the middle of the service and announce my presence there was forced, and that I thought they were all deluded. It worked, but it's not something I'd suggest that others try, actually...

[Ghostgirl]

I can't keep burying all this fear. I've started randomly crying now. I almost wish he would hit me, because then I could go to the cops, but this way there's nothing anybody can do.

I know, this makes it sound worse than it probably really is, but it's just how it feels to me.

[jackrabbit]

Oh, we know. Many of us went through the same shit. Brainwashing kids is child abuse at its worst.

[David B]

Is he very religious? Is he violently abusive? How would it be if you said that you'd feel that participating in a service when you don't really mean it would be somehow morally wrong?

David B

[Ghostgirl]

Don't get me wrong, he's not abusive or anything, just intimidating.

[David B]

So explain that you'd feel hypocritical if you went to church?

David B

[recklessmind]

... I told my parents that I was an atheist, and that if they continued to force me to go to church I'd stand up in the middle of the service and announce my presence there was forced, and that I thought they were all deluded.


It’s not my intent, to make light of this thread, and its sensitive subject matter (I really do feel for you, ghost. I grew up in a similar environment – it sucks.)

But Jobar... that is up there w/ the funniest fucking things I've read on this forum. I’m rolling.

[BigJim]

So GG, how old are you?

Though I wasn't yet an atheist (I still believed, I just thought it was a waste of time) I somehow got out of the weekly ritual when I was about 14.

Can you get a job where you work late on Saturday nights?

[Imaginary Mark]

I can't keep burying all this fear. I've started randomly crying now. I almost wish he would hit me, because then I could go to the cops, but this way there's nothing anybody can do.

I know, this makes it sound worse than it probably really is, but it's just how it feels to me.
I'm really sorry you're going through this Ghostgirl.

Shedding a few tears when you talk to your father can really help you get your way if you decide to go that route. Tears can be powerful. I'm trusting you to use your powers for good not evil here. :Cheeky:

Another thing: I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "intimidating" but you might want to look into emotional abuse to see if that applies to your situation. If so, that's a whole different problem from the religious one and one that you'll want to have good resources to deal with.

[Cat59]

I can't keep burying all this fear. I've started randomly crying now. I almost wish he would hit me, because then I could go to the cops, but this way there's nothing anybody can do.

I know, this makes it sound worse than it probably really is, but it's just how it feels to me.

Don't get me wrong, he's not abusive or anything, just intimidating.

Have you discussed it with your brother?
I realise you say he's not at home anymore, but perhaps he can help out a bit in this. It may be he did come under pressure and you just didn't see it at the time, especially if it's of the subtle intimidation type. he may be able to give you a few tips.