Dear Abby. It should be Dear Bonehead

[thebeave]

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20051226

This was in yesterday's paper. Methinks "Abby" just doesn't get it. The guy writing has done just about everything short of waving his EAC card and carrying a white flag saying "Atheist" in front of Abby, and she tells him some bullshit about how he can still worship at home because "God is everywhere", and he can find his spirituality needs in other ways. I'm kinda led to believe that the concept of just not believing in God is so completely alien to Abby that she just doesn't see that this is really what the guy is getting at. Is this the way the rest of you see it? Furthermore, based on what I've read on this particular forum, its not clear to me that "coming clean" with your spouse about your lack of beliefs is neccesarily the right response in a situation like this. Honesty sounds like a good policy, but it can be a dangerous thing.

[Stacey Melissa]

It's too bad there's no way to contact the guy and tell him to come here for support instead.

[Inchworm]

The guy didn’t state that he was an atheist, so it would be presumptuous for Abby to respond as if he had called himself such. The advice she gave seemed suitable for a theist who is questioning the specific beliefs of one particular church.

[Barefoot Bree]

I'm with Inchworm, here - I think Abby gave the best advice she could in response to what he actually wrote, rather than to what we are reading between the lines.

[Moxy]

It's a little tough to tell what this guy is really getting at. Wondering if he should "out" himself definitely sounds like he is dealing with some doubt, if not outright atheism. What else could that mean? He's an in the closet Catholic with a Protestant wife? Possible, but doesn't seem too likely.

This struck me as odd though:

"Is it better to go to church for the wrong reasons than not to go at all? I don't think I am fooling "Him" -- and I know I'm not fooling myself."

If it is closted atheism he is really struggling with...why is he worried about fooling "Him"?

[Sarpedon]

Why would an atheist write to "Dear Abbey" in the first place?

[Diogenes the Cynic]

It's a little tough to tell what this guy is really getting at. Wondering if he should "out" himself definitely sounds like he is dealing with some doubt, if not outright atheism. What else could that mean? He's an in the closet Catholic with a Protestant wife? Possible, but doesn't seem too likely.

This struck me as odd though:

"Is it better to go to church for the wrong reasons than not to go at all? I don't think I am fooling "Him" -- and I know I'm not fooling myself."

If it is closted atheism he is really struggling with...why is he worried about fooling "Him"?
The use of the phrase "outing himself" along with the point you noted about "fooling him" makes me wonder if this guy is gay or maybe feeling guilty about something like an affair.

[Moxy]

I'd thought about that too...but if he's gay, it seems odd that he's this concerned about what his wife thinks. An affair is certainly possible...but in either case, I have to wonder why he'd feel that leaving the church is his pirmary concern. These just don't really seem consistent with what he's asking.

All in all, he just didn't give enough information for any kind of adequate advice to be given. It seems to me that he's most likely talking about doubts, or outright atheism, and the "not fooling Him" part is maybe a reference to attending church based on Pascal's wager.

[Zygote]

The whole "closet" thing has me thinking that he's gay. But what are the "wrong reasons" to go to church, if you believe there is a "Him" as this writer does?

Does he feel somehow that his god doesn't want him in church and he's feeling ashamed because he's going anyway to keep up social appearances?

I don't get the right/wrong reasons for going to church bit. If you are a believer and church is there to help you live your life the best way possible (with faith, hope, charity and all that), how is there a "wrong" reason to go?

[don28]

Dear Abby hasn't been the same since the daughter took over. Once Ann Landers died, the advice columns have gone completely into the toilet.

[PostMortem]

Letters sent to advice columns are often heavily edited to cut out anything thought to be unnecessary and get to the “heart of the matter� (this is where writer/screener bias comes in, they will view it through their own belief system and may misunderstand the “real problem�, these people are not professionally trained for the most part).
I imagine his letter was much longer and probably much clearer, but we will never know what his “real� problem is, because of the need for brevity.

[openeyes]

I, too, was trying to figure out just what was this guy's problem. I wondered if he had just lost his "faith" like many of us on this board, but I tend to think it's not the crux and it's more likely homosexuality or an affair or something along that line.

[thebeave]

Not long after I posted this, and before I read any replies, it occurred to me that maybe he's just doubting Christianity, or whatever flavor religion his church preaches, but still believes in God...perhaps now as a deist. But on the other hand, the way he really beats around the bush about his problem makes me think he's afraid to say the "A" word directly. I know I had a problem for a long time admitting being an atheist simply because I was taught that it was more or less a dirty word, and being an unbeliever was definitey uncool. I'll bet Abby gets a lot of mail about this one, and perhaps later she'll clarify the problem or retract her statement.

[MonCapitan2002]

Maybe he has converted to a different faith?

[Loren Pechtel]

Maybe he has converted to a different faith?

I think this very well might be the answer. He still seems to believe in some sort of diety, just not the church.