What's your story?

[SweetReason]

A lot of conversations about how people became atheists, humanists, freethinkers, or whatever seem to assume that either a person was raised in the nonreligious family, or they were raised by a strongly, conservatively religious family, and they are reacting against that. Sometimes I make that assumption myself! But recently I got some interesting information by surveying the readers of my column. Okay, it's a small sample, but it's food for thought, and I'm trying to get a bigger sample by polling you.

In my survey, 15.9% said they came from a nonreligious background, 23.2% said they came from a conservative religious background, and 37.8% said they came from a liberal or moderate religious background.

In this poll, I'm going to give a couple more options, and post in a couple of different forums to try to reduce sampling bias. Let's see what we learn, and thanks for helping!

[Dr.Xu]

My parents are Catholic - like the majority of the population in Brazil - and both my granfathers were Italian immigrants to Brazil.

My mom did a lot of reading on philosophy, Buddhism, and other religions, so I can not say she was dogmatic, but she has always prayed to saints.

My dad believes in God and Jesus, but has a position that most of the bible - including the Virgin Birth - is mythical or allegorical.

Although Brazil is mainly Catholic, I had several Jewish friends, a cousin that married a Presbyterian, and aunt that converted to Hare Krishna, classmates who believed in spiritism... so from a young age I was aware that there were many different views on religion, and that it was OK to question what one believed in. My questioning led me to atheism.

[Viti]

Dad non-religious, mom very liberal Christian when I was growing up. She is no longer religious at all.

[alicia_lmh]

My mom was really religious. She was "saved" after my grandmother died. She didn't go to church often--mostly because she worked alot and didn't have time--but she studied her bible all the time and prayed alot. She tried to get my sister and I into it, but we kept our distance. My sister still believes in god and prays occasionally, but I decoverted my junior year of high school (I'm 19, btw).

I come from a really religious town. There's literally a church on every corner. I don't know how I was able to avoid the christian bug, but I'm glad I did.

[sakrilege]

Locked until issue of poll started multiple times can be sorted out.

sakrilege
Mod@Large

[RBH]

Re-opened as the single instance of the poll on IIDB.

RBH, Admin

[Never]

There's not an option for those of us who never "coverted" and therefore never deconverted. I take it you only want to know about deconversions?

[MindRevolution]

I come from a mostly non-religious family. My dad isn't religious and my mom was into new age shit. So I never got the brainwashing. My dad took me to church one time when I was around 6, and I remember thinking how stupid and boring it was. I still believed in God until I was a teenager just because it is so prevalent in American society. There was no alternative suggested. Everybody believed this, and I cared more about Nintendo anyway. Hell when I was around 12 when my grandma died my dad didn't give me the "she's in a better place" speech, he just told me she was dead and that was it.

I do often wonder if I would still be an atheist if I had received

[Chicken Girl]

I was raised United Methodist. We even had a pastor who was pro-gay rights! :thumbs: Until all the old people ran him out on a rail. :down:

[crazyfingers]

I voted "Nonreligious family" however I'd point out that I never "deconverted". I have never been a theist of any type so I have never "deconverted" or "converted".

[JennyRogers]

My dad took me to an upper-middle-class Episcopal church. My mom went to a different church. If the weather was bad or someone was sick and we couldn't make church, I had to read aloud from the Bible.

When I look back on it, there were some nice things: the pageantry (especially at Christmas), the music, the huge, lovely old stone church and chapel. But long before I called myself "atheist" I grew disgusted with the hypocrisy, the bigotry and the sanctimony.

[Astreja]

My family was nominally Protestant. I only remember my mother going to a church service once in my entire childhood, and my dad never bothered. Neither of them is a churchgoer now.

[Danhalen]

There's not an option for those of us who never "coverted" and therefore never deconverted. I take it you only want to know about deconversions?I never deconverted either, though I was raised in a liberal Christian family. I voted that way.

[Anat]

What does conventional religion mean?

[mituckius]

My parents are both conservative mormons, but my dad is inactive.

[Zhivago]

My mother is a catholic, my father was a protestant (long time dead). I was a lukewarm catholic who abandoned the faith in my teens.

[Unbeatable]

Both of my parents are into new age BS and both dislike religious institutions. Also, I think my mother's more of an ex-Catholic who drifted into new age BS whereas my father was a skeptic who drifted into new age BS. That's all I know. The fact that I know so damn little about what they believe says to me that my upbringing is probably best categorized as nonreligious. Apart from a brief exposure to Catholicism that was so long ago I don't really remember any detail of it, there has been zero effort on their part to instill in me any sort of beliefs or spirituality at all.

ETA: There wasn't much of a deconversion for me. I think I might have absorbed some vague apatheism from popular culture, but once I actually started thinking about philosophy and the specific things people believe, even on a surface level, I automatically rejected it all as ridiculous and started self-identifying as an atheist.

[Loren Pechtel]

Another here who never deconverted because I've never been religious in the first place.

[funinspace]

Grew up in moderate family (so voted that way), though I tanked conservative on my own for about a dozen years before....I saw the light.

[SweetReason]

Thanks for going beyond just voting and telling something about your stories. People's different experiences are always so fascinating

[Koiyotnik]

My father is an apathetic agnostic (I can't get a straight answer out of him but I picked up clues) and my mother was a laid-back Catholic, I think. She died when I was six, before I got the chance to really figure that one out, but I do remember going to church/Sunday school once or twice and telling her that I didn't like it, and she never made me go again.

So I voted nonreligious family, though like others I've always been nonreligious, so there was no conversion or deconversion.

[Russell's Teapot]

My father was a non-churchgoing Christian (Protestant) and my mother is a Catholic who also never goes to church. So if she ever asks me why I'm an atheist, I can always say, "Well, you guys just didn't take the care to brainwash me enough!" :D

[Tsuyoiko]

I voted liberal religious. I was brought up in the Methodist church, but my parents were never conservative - they drank like fish :grin: . I think they took us for the social side mainly. They're both pretty new-agey. I stopped going to church when I was 12 and they never tried to make me go. They gave it up themselves a few years later. Nowadays my mum is probably most accurately described as 'superstitious' - she hates blasphemy and believes in astrology, crystal healing, that kind of thing. My dad is eastern mystical - he's into Buddhism etc, but he still believes in a creator. I think that's because he's not read a lot of science. My sister - I don't have a clue. The females in my family are not generally known for being great philosophical thinkers. :banghead:

[Christina Mirabilis]

I was raised in a strict Irish Catholic family, but their religious interest was more in the trappings than anything else - pretty communion dresses, easter egg hunts, xmas presents, etc. The only value beat into me (literally) was that premarital sex was a sin. I suppose I was a believer until about 3rd grade when I got into it with a nun over non-catholic children going to hell for not being baptised. It made no sense to me that god would be pettier and more childish and vengeful than we are, and cruel enough to burn little kids. The whole smiting thing freaked me out. I was just bratty enough to point out their lack of intelligence for the next 10 years of Catholic school, and was the only honors student that consistently failed religion for 4 years of high school. Once I failed for winning an abortion debate by popular acclaim - no pretenses of fairness there :rolleyes: When I moved out of my mother's house at 16 I never set foot in a church again other than for weddings and funerals.

[HeathenBride]

My mom was a relaxed, quasi-christian. She believed in god and she believed Jesus was his son, but she believed the bible was written by men with cultural biases and an agenda. I discovered while sorting through her possessions after her death she was much more religious when she was younger. She said she went through a non-religious phase and thought I was just going through a phase too. I always knew it wasn't a phase for me. I think after she returned to christianity, she didn't return as religious as she was before. She never put me off of religion. Her views were more rational than most. But I do believe her hyperactivity played a part in my lack of religious conviction. I may have ended up more brainwashed if she could have sat through church sermons and made me sit through them with her. Yay for hyperactivity!

My dad never showed much enthusiasm for religion and when I returned from my first semester in college and announced I was agnostic, he asked, "What's that?" I told him and he blinked a couple of times and said, "I think I am too."

I never felt very religious, though I tried. I never knew any differently. But something always felt off when I went through the motions. Finally, I went to college and got into a very interesting conversation. Like my dad, I knew what I was the first time I learned about agnosticism. It took a couple of years for me to become comfortable leaving behind all the christian trappings, but I've never regretted finding my truth.

Now I'm engaged to a devout Lutheran who interprets the bible literally. *sigh* We've been going around and around about some of our beliefs lately. I realised I have no one to talk to about what I believe. My friends are not very religious, but they have different ideas than I do. (Some, frankly, are in various stages of denial.) My dad doesn't really analyze his views, which is cool, but doesn't give me someone to talk to. And my fiance will never be able to understand.

[ghetto astronaut]

I said nonreligious family, though that's not exactly accurate. My mother [single parent household] believes in God, but rarely talked about religion and we never once went to church. My exposure to religion mostly came from friends who had religious families.

[Whimsical Logic]

I have been an atheist all my life. No conversion ever. My relatives were definitely religious, but had no effect on me at all...
No option here to choose from in this poll.

[SweetReason]

I'm trying to get at least 300 responses and we're almost halfway there. 500 would be even better. The idea is to get a big enough sample to believe that the results really reflect the free thought community. People's stories, or they are comments about why poll questions don't quite fit them add a lot of depth to the numbers .

I'm going to write an article about this in January, and I'll let you know when it appears

[Johann_Kaspar]

I cant vote, for I dont know what are the meanings behind several categories... What is nonreligious? Dont believe or dont go to church? Or both? And so on...

Also I guess the social pressure is quite different both side of the pond.

[Johann_Kaspar]

...
Now I'm engaged to a devout Lutheran who interprets the bible literally. *sigh* We've been going around and around about some of our beliefs lately. I realised I have no one to talk to about what I believe. My friends are not very religious, but they have different ideas than I do. (Some, frankly, are in various stages of denial.) My dad doesn't really analyze his views, which is cool, but doesn't give me someone to talk to. And my fiance will never be able to understand.:eek: :eek: :eek:

Feel free to write me privately, if it could be of any help...

[Johann_Kaspar]

Oooops, if the question is "What was your background before you "deconverted"?", this poll is not for me, for I never "deconverted". :cool:

[Arvel Joffi]

I have trouble thinking of myself as a "de-convert." For one, it just has an overwhelmingly (ex-)Christian ovetone to it. I voted "minority religion," although I'm not sure about that, either. My mom raised me New Age. This big, fat self-serve buffet of misunderstood Buddhism, so-called Gnostic Christianity, astrology, Atlantis, aliens, and all sorts of other things. I was vocal about it my whole young life, and was laughed at for it, or considered crazy by people whose religion revolves around a loving zombie and religious intolerance.

As for deconversion, I started dropping many of the specifics of our little two person religion at about age ten; just trimming away the fat, the dogma, and the logical inconsistencies. At about age 28, I finally lost the last logical inconsistency: God. I didn't see a need for or feel the presence of any ultimate spiritual being.

[GenesisNemesis]

I was mostly just gullible but then I started going on the Internet and unexpectedly found logical arguments against everything I believed in. I can't believe I even considered joining Scientology... I'm glad I became skeptical.

[Dana]

I voted Conservative religious family because that's what they were when I deconverted, but when I was growing up they were liberal or moderate. While my deconversion was not really in reaction to my family's change to conservative, I do think that if my family had remained liberal Christians I would not have deconverted simply because when I was exposed to other religions and atheism and asked them questions at that critical time their answers would have been more acceptable to me than the conservative religious answers I got from them. If I had received better answers from them, that were consistent with what I grew up with, I would have been satisfied and would not have sought answers elsewhere, such as by applying logic and my non-Christian friends since I did not have a church home at that time.

Oh well. If I really get angry at a family member one day maybe I will throw that in their face. I can't think of anything more hurtful to a conservative Christian than the accusation that they helped turn someone into an atheist.

Dana

[Z500]

i'm not quite sure. it's definitely a religious family (the rest of my family went to religious colleges). my dad used to consider himself a democrat, but later became a republican, and now both my dad and sister are getting dissatisfied with the republican party. as for my mom, i'm not sure.

[Lógos Sokratikós]

My dad values learning. I was free to learn about all sorts of subjects. Read a lot of philosophy, logic, psychology and religion (lotsa time in my intellectualizing lonely closet). I concluded biblgod didn't exist at 18. Read Bertrand Russell and then switched to agnostic. I accepted my sexuality at 22. Started to feel good about myself. Got to IIDB in 2005. Had a religious crisis somewhere along the way. Very, very strong atheist now.

Coming out as a gay made my parents change a lot. Coming out as a non-believer freaked them out.


Catholic, homophobic, conservative family.

+ Atheist, gay, liberal son.

= Catholic, gay-friendly, politically confused family. :devil3:


Lógos Sokratikós
Eeeeeeviiillll!

[Lógos Sokratikós]

I'm starting to think that, for some odd reason, for my parents, if I'm gay I won't go to hell. If I don't believe in hell (i.e. if I'm an atheist), I'll go to hell. Go figure.

Isn't it scary?

[SweetReason]

I appreciate all your thoughtful comments. :)

I've seen poll questions that left me out somehow, and it's quite an experience to be on the other side of the process. The funny thing is, I never used the word "deconverted" (or even heard of it) till I saw it on IIDB! Still, this poll is better than the last I did on this topic, and we're getting some good info. Maybe the "real" pollsters do some learning as they go, too.

I think that if you were never a believer, it would be okay to just "vote" what your family was like, and comment if you think you should. My parents weren't religious, but I still ended up having to make my own decision.

[beorne]

....In this poll, I'm going to give a couple more options, and post in a couple of different forums to try to reduce sampling bias. Let's see what we learn, and thanks for helping!

I deconverted in my 40's. Are you looking for how I was raised as a child, or my more recent background?

[SweetReason]

I deconverted in my 40's. Are you looking for how I was raised as a child, or my more recent background?

Well, I do put it in terms of "family background", but I think whatever you think is most relevant would be fine. We're going for a general picture here

[Jennie]

I waffled a bit before answering. My family was moderate when I was little and got more conservative as I grew up; by the time I deconverted they were pretty fundy, though in a nice way. I still get along very well with them, probably partly because my father doesn't think women can have valid religious reasoning anyway. The man shall lead and all that jazz. Still, he makes my Mom happy and is a good Dad, so we all mutually ignore the religious differences. I have wondered if the moderation during my formative years was one reason I became an atheist. My youngest sister is a decade younger than I and is married to a pastor!

[JustMark]

I was raised in a somewhat nonreligious household. My Grandfather (mother's side) was a Methodist Minister so there has always been a decent degree of religion but not an inordinant amount. After my parents divorced she asked me to join a church with her. I believe it was more for the social aspect that anything. I went for a few months but never really seemed to fit in. Ten years later she still thinks I should join a church for nothing more than a social outlet. We'll see how things go when she visits my house for the holidays and sees my new library of books on the mantle...

[SweetReason]

I'm hoping for a minimum 300 responses. 500 would be wonderful, but I think 300 is enough to be able to say we've definitely learned something.

Thanks & do tell your IIDB friends.

the individual comments add a lot of depth, too.:)

[Wylie E.]

Fanatical fundy mother, religious father. I never bought in. I don't believe in hell. There was no deconversion. I found the fundys to be a hipocritical lot. I am 72 years old.

[SweetReason]

Fanatical fundy mother, religious father. I never bought in. I don't believe in hell. There was no deconversion. I found the fundys to be a hipocritical lot. I am 72 years old.

Welcome!:) thanks for honoring me with your fourth-ever post

[EastTexasinfidel]

I grew up in a Southern Baptist family. My parents are now even more religious as they are now Missionary Baptist. It had a huge influence on me growing up. I was even more religious than they were when I was in high school. We went to church every Sunday. We weren't as religious as some though. We didn't pray before we ate or anything like that. My parents have a difficult time with the fact that I'm an atheist. They wanted me to be a Baptist preacher. My dad still talks about that. My mom is always trying to get me to go to church. I caved in for a while to their pressure, but I'm glad I got past that. I have a lot of respect for my parents, but sometimes it gets annoying.

[reddhedd]

I was raised sort of liberal (Lutheran) but became a Witness as a young adult.
Deconverted from that about 3.5 years ago.

[rjf]

I said 'conservative religious', though my parent's weren't exactly devout. They seemed to believe just because that's what they were supposed to do. The only times religion played a prominent role in home life was Sunday (we wore church clothes all day and sat and stared at the wall instead of the TV) and anytime someone did something 'morally wrong', ie. when I learned to swear, my brother brought a Playboy home from school, my then-15 year old sister got pregnant, etc.

When I was in my mid-teens, I became very devout and deeply religious (partly owing to incredible socially-inflicted guilt about being gay, though I would never have admitted it then). I was the Mormon equivalent of a Born-Again Xian. Between my sixteenth and nineteenth birthdays I read the entire Standard Works (KJV, BofM, D&C, PoGP) three times.

Now the only time my parents discuss religion around the kids (there are sill four minors living with them) it's to try to undo what I tell them on my infrequent visits (they live eight hundred or so miles away).

I guess I officially deconverted at about twenty-one, but it was a long and arduous process spanning about three years and two near-suicides.

I used to shudder at the evil of Non-Mormons who turned their back on friends and family who joined the chuch, but now I mostly just lament the hypocrisy.

[BizzUzz]

Now I'm engaged to a devout Lutheran who interprets the bible literally. *sigh* We've been going around and around about some of our beliefs lately. I realised I have no one to talk to about what I believe. My friends are not very religious, but they have different ideas than I do. (Some, frankly, are in various stages of denial.) My dad doesn't really analyze his views, which is cool, but doesn't give me someone to talk to. And my fiance will never be able to understand.

Good afternoon everyone! HeathenBride, you caught my attention with your last paragraph. I'm from a pretty much "non-religious" family. We went to church on occasion, did the youth group thing, etc., but really never had family discussions about faith or beliefs. I'm 40 y.o. and have been married to my wife for 18 years. "Religion" has been our biggest source of discord since the beginning. I've never, ever been outwardly religious, but quite the contrary regarding my wife. She comes from a reeeeeally religious (southern baptist) family. The funny part is that her family was very disfunctional. She's on & off with her "holier than thou" mom because of all the verbal abuse she suffered in her childhoold. My "non-religious" family, on the otherhand, was the most supportive, fun, loving family anyone could ever wish to have. HeathenBride, if you are engaged to this man who's very "devout", make sure you go into your relationship with respect for each other's feelings and make sure that he knows where YOU stand, as far as religion goes. I did not do that until recently, and I wish I had done it many years ago. I basically sat down with my wife and told her that I do not believe. Yes, I went through the searching period in my life, attended numberous churches, prayed, read the bible, etc., but it just never did anything for me. It finally dawned on me that I have to be true to myself and quit hiding in this closet everytime religion is brought up. My wife actually respects me more for being honest with her about my beliefs. I'm sorry to ramble, but these discussions totally intrigue me and I can't waith to get to know you folks! Take care...

[SweetReason]

Personal stories add so much to the numbers! And we all have a lot to learn from each other's experiences



Good afternoon everyone! HeathenBride, you caught my attention with your last paragraph. I'm from a pretty much "non-religious" family. We went to church on occasion, did the youth group thing, etc., but really never had family discussions about faith or beliefs. I'm 40 y.o. and have been married to my wife for 18 years. "Religion" has been our biggest source of discord since the beginning. I've never, ever been outwardly religious, but quite the contrary regarding my wife. She comes from a reeeeeally religious (southern baptist) family. The funny part is that her family was very disfunctional. She's on & off with her "holier than thou" mom because of all the verbal abuse she suffered in her childhoold. My "non-religious" family, on the otherhand, was the most supportive, fun, loving family anyone could ever wish to have. HeathenBride, if you are engaged to this man who's very "devout", make sure you go into your relationship with respect for each other's feelings and make sure that he knows where YOU stand, as far as religion goes. I did not do that until recently, and I wish I had done it many years ago. I basically sat down with my wife and told her that I do not believe. Yes, I went through the searching period in my life, attended numberous churches, prayed, read the bible, etc., but it just never did anything for me. It finally dawned on me that I have to be true to myself and quit hiding in this closet everytime religion is brought up. My wife actually respects me more for being honest with her about my beliefs. I'm sorry to ramble, but these discussions totally intrigue me and I can't waith to get to know you folks! Take care...

[JoshuaL88]

Dad pretty much didn't care and before their divorce my mom was a laid-back Catholic. Now she's soo Catholic I think the pope would have to abdicate his throne to her (after he infallibly changes the rules for her).

[Beetle]

My dad is basically an atheist while my mom has vague notions of "spirituality" but no real religious attachment. As a family, we stopped going to church when I was about six.

They're still trying to figure out how I came back from the University of Michigan as an evangelical. I think they're a lot more comfortable now that I've deconverted.

[JohNeo]

I voted...

"Family's religion conventional or ethnic, not dogmatic"

...even though I thought I was voting "liberal to moderate Christian." I dunno what happened. I want my vote back!

Anyway, my mother was and still is pretty religious with Calvinistic leanings (good and bad depending on how you look at it...it's a cold heartless view of faith, but it keeps her from proselytizing :D ). My dad is agnostic, raised in a strict fundy Southern Baptist family. I never really knew for sure that he was a "non-believer" until I told him I was one myself. My older sister does her best to shove Jesus down my niece & nephew's throats. Oh well.

JN

[whyicantbelieve]

My family is extremely religious (in fact my father's a pastor) to the point where expressing any sort of 'doubt' or intellectual questioning was viewed as almost evil, and people got very antsy and thought you were leaving the fold. Back when I was one of them I thought this was ridiculous, "what's wrong with questioning, of COURSE God is real"... ironically now I realize that they were right, questioning IS very dangerous :D

[SweetReason]

I voted...

"Family's religion conventional or ethnic, not dogmatic"

...even though I thought I was voting "liberal to moderate Christian." I dunno what happened. I want my vote back!

Anyway, my mother was and still is pretty religious with Calvinistic leanings (good and bad depending on how you look at it...it's a cold heartless view of faith, but it keeps her from proselytizing :D ). My dad is agnostic, raised in a strict fundy Southern Baptist family. I never really knew for sure that he was a "non-believer" until I told him I was one myself. My older sister does her best to shove Jesus down my niece & nephew's throats. Oh well.

JN

There's a good chance things are better than "Oh well" :) Just being yourself, you can be an inspiration to your niece & nephew

[serenecottage]

Voted for conservative religious family though I don't think my sister is very conservative, I think my parents are.

[SweetReason]

IIDB is amazing! :)

I didn't know how long it would take me to get 300 responses, but I sure had no idea that I'd be almost there in less than a month. I chose 300 because, while there's no way I can guarantee I have a scientific sample, 300 has got to be enough to mean something, and I thought it would be doable.

If you haven't taken this poll already please do ; if you haven'y, maybe tell a friend. I know it's not perfect -- is any poll perfect? -- but it's good enough to tell us something, and I appreciate everyone's help.

[bammertheblue]

I had a strange upbringing in regards to religion. My mother does not and did not believe in any kind of god, but believed that learning about religion was "an important part of my education". So I had to go to confirmation classes. It wasn't that bad, because it was a liberal Methodist church, but the confirmation leader was ridiculous. Once I got in trouble because I yelled at a boy who was offended by a couple of lesbians at his school holding hands. Little did he know that one of them was my best friend's sister. Oops. Another time I got in trouble because I told off this same boy because he was telling us all how wrong girls sports were. He was a charmer, let me tell you.

Anyway...the deal was that once I was confirmed, I never had to step foot in church again. I never did. I tried very hard to believe in god and religion and jesus and all that, but I am firmly convinced that some people are just not "wired" to believe. I am one of these people and so is my mom.

My dad, on the other hand, came from a religious family and was actually literally afraid of god. I guess he thought he was going to get smited (smote?) or something.

[Mace]

Conservative Religious Family--Christian

You never talk about sex in my house. Ever.

There are a lot of taboo subjects, in fact.

While this doesn't deal entirely with religious convictions: my mom gets angry if anyone talks about anything in the least bit negative. No insults, talking about the war in Iraq, sex, doubting the Bible, swearing, etc.

Especially doubting the sacred tenets of Christianity.

It (the environment) provides for great intellectual discourse.

[SweetReason]

As people tell more or less detailed stories, I wonder more and more what the questions should be for surveys in greater depth. One I have in mind is roughly, "Did other people's support make it easier for you to realize or come out about your atheism?" That could be polished, and probably should be broken into two questions, but it would be good to have feedback about whether the general idea makes sense. And of course, if you haven't taken the poll yet, please do so now -- I'm still going for the big 300. :)

[SweetReason]

I'm going to use these stats in a column that will be published in the second Wednesday in January. It would be so cool if I had 300 answers by then. I'll publish whatever I've got, but a nice, round 300 seems like like it would be a meaningful sample.

I'm very grateful to everyone who's helped so far,, and a big "Thank you!" In advance to anyone who votes now, or gets a friend to vote.

:wave: happy new year, all! :wave:

[Manakin]

You'll have to post the column when you get it written. :) I, and I'm sure a lot of others here, would like to see it.

[SweetReason]

You'll have to post the column when you get it written. :) I, and I'm sure a lot of others here, would like to see it.


Will do!:)

[capsaicin67]

Actually, traditional and dogmatic with flirtings with skepticism.

My family were too smart to believe in superstition but also came from very fearful and traditionally conservative backgrounds too. So they always battle within themselves to allow themselves to see the truth, but they are too emotionally and traditionally wrapped up in not rocking the boat which causes a certain amount of hypocrisy and tension.

Father was an automotive rebel that returned to the constricting tentacles of Mother Church so he'd have some structure to sort out the "rules" and big questions for him, because that was not his forte (because the nuns of Mother Church had ruined him for any sort of academic thought and he resented by association by adulthood). He dragged us to Church with the same thoughfulness and compassion that he made us sweep the shop, and always treated it as paying the spiritual water/sewage bill---you show up and you won't get "shut off" from heaven, and might even get some prayers answered. Time has educated him about the reality of the latter but he feels he has too much money in the pot to fold.

Mom was too smart and rebellious and selfish to really buy in, but too controlling and fearful to not give it a nod and co-opt it for her own agendas. But what we kids really saw was that she herself never attended and she slept in.

Other adults that I knew that had at least as high a quality of life, and often much better---never gave it any more thought than unicorns, casually and openly. So I had some vicarious validation of sorts for my own disdain for it.

I did know a cpl of religous types that were pretty good people, but I never got the impression that religion benefitted them so much as they benefitted religion by association.

As others mention, there simply was never an alternative to beleif presented and even in modern times most atheists I know are not very warm or communal people by definition (not universally, but commonly) because that is what it takes to have the courage to break away from the superficial and material supports of popular culture IMO. So it always concerns me that there isn't that alternative as prominently developed.

In time I gradually saw that flailing about in libations to the gods wasn't changing a damned thing for anyone in the way it was pretended it does and I got validated because I saw that not only was it intellectually hollow but that the outcome reality was largely as well.

[Untheist]

My father's family are strict, church-every-Sunday Catholics. My mother came from a non-religious family but converted when they got married. I was forced into servitude as an altar boy and escaped that only by becoming a lector. I was well into agnosticism and on my way to atheism by the time I won the "Excellence in Religion" award from my catechism class.

[SweetReason]

... I was well into agnosticism and on my way to atheism by the time I won the "Excellence in Religion" award from my catechism class.


I love the irony! I wonder how often that happens

[phrog]

Folks were Jack Mormons pretty much. Said the last time they went thru the temple was when mom was pregnant with me. She said I kicked something awful! Dad's strong Atheist and no better man has walked this planet. Mom doesn't want to declare, and she feels uncomfortable that Dad and I talk on and on so about Atheism.

[GilgameshEnkidu]

Born an atheist, raised an atheist, married an atheist.

Am I the athiest? :p

[Malcolm]

I'm from a family of Baptist preachers going back at least 3 generations and including both my father and my brother. I had a dabble at "lay" preaching myself before losing it all....

[chanson]

I was raised in a very conservative and devout family.

My husband (who is also an atheist) was raised in a more liberal family: Catholic by tradition but not really practicing or picky about belief.

[chanson]

I was raised in a very conservative and devout family.

My husband (who is also an atheist) was raised in a more liberal family: Catholic by tradition but not really practicing or picky about belief.

p.s. for your vote sample -- I only voted for my own situation in your poll. My husband didn't vote because he's not as fond of blogs and forums as I am.

[SweetReason]

p.s. for your vote sample -- I only voted for my own situation in your poll. My husband didn't vote because he's not as fond of blogs and forums as I am.

Thanks for taking the trouble to explain that:)

[Jewel]

I deconverted pretty young. My mom, who has always been religious, was a lot less fanatic then and she didn't fight it. Something she has expressed regret about since I never went back to religion. My husband also deconverted at a young age but he did better than me. He didn't just stop going to Sunday school -- the pastor asked his mom to not send him anymore because he asked too many questions..

[Newton's Cat]

My parents were non-religious - to the point where I didn't know of the existence of religion until I went to school at 5.

The headmistress was a religious nutcase.

She, and the teachers, had us there to "control" us using Christianity.

Some 5 or 6 children in my class were Jewish ... I was familiar with Jews because my parents had business customers who were Jewish.

I liked Jewish children.

A few days after the start of school we had a religious instruction class - with the Jewish children absent.

The teacher told us:

"THE JEWS KILLED JESUS!"

(Who, I thought, was Jesus?)

I think the teacher noted that she was having little effect on me ... because there then started a campaign of intimidation against me - because I wasn't a Christian ... or a Jew.

Atheists were not welcome in this school.

However, there was a boy who was an atheist in the class (he had apparently been schooled by his mother to cope with Christianity ... whereas my parents had sent me into this cold - I wasn't even aware of the existence of Christianity until I ran into it at school.)

After a few months I became part a group of 5 (sometimes more) boys who were atheists - but the teachers saw me as the "leader" of opposition to their authority:

So they set on me.

But that's another story.

[SweetReason]

...After a few months I became part a group of 5 (sometimes more) boys who were atheists - but the teachers saw me as the "leader" of opposition to their authority:

So they set on me.

But that's another story.

I hope I'll hear it some day

[SweetReason]

My article using answers to this poll will be posted some time this Wednesday. When it is, I'll post a link.


Thanks for helping, everyone!:)

[Tybalt]

When I was 7 a little kid told me Santa Clause wasn't real. I was an atheist about a year later but didn't know there was a word for it, or that ther were other people like me.

[SweetReason]

Since I'm hoping people will continue taking the poll on this thread, (more new data never hurts :) ) I've started another thread for anyone who wants to give me feedback on the article.

Many thanks to all of you for your help, and for going the extra mile by posting your stories

[Tubby Lardmore]

Protestant family, regular churchgoers: Sunday morning (Sunday School followed by main service), Sunday evening, Wednesday evening, and then (as a teen) Friday night youth group. I estimate I spent 7,000 hours of my youth on church property.

Most of the members would probably have denied that life evolves, and at least some of them would have said the Universe is less than 10,000 years old. "We don't know that dinosaur fossils ever were living things. They may have been placed underground by Satan to damage our faith in the Bible."

[Laurentius]

I guess each society includes a lot of poor families, whose men remain bitterly non-religious. My father was one of these men.

He became a military officer in a quite harsh communist regime. He was not a liberal; he was just a man without a hope, trying to cope with hardships. He never allowed any religious signs in his home in order to preserve his position.

My mom was not really religious; superstion and some kind of traditional religiosity appealed to her, though. She was my favorite parent, but I simply despised her mysticism.

After the fall of communism, my parents did not change. My brother was converted by some American missionaries, and became a part-time preacher himself too. Now he is happily married in the US.

I have remained a non religious person. Psychologically, I feel no need for a religious belief and my continuous education has strengthen my secular humanism. I believe in people.

[jayh]

I was raised a JW. Though I kept up some pretenses till about 30 most of my adult life (57 now) I couldn't really believe it, I could see the total irrationality of their arguments about both science and theology.

Now I'm (relatively recently) married to an atheist who was raised Baptist.

praise the lawd

[Secular Elation]

Well, it's kind of split. My one sister's family is fundamentally Baptist. My other sister's family is moderately Catholic. My parents, they claim to believe in god but they don't live their life in any religious fashion. And I'm a straight-up atheist. So, we are all variations. It's quite a schism.

The way it used to be, we weren't really religious at all. Back in the day when I was in grade school and my sister weren't married, they would probably still consider themselves theists but did not exhibit an ounce of religiousity. It's when my sisters got married that things changed. The second sister became a Catholic when she married a Catholic man. When my other sister met her husband, they both weren't really religious. But through their years of marriage, they had problems (fights, drug problems on his part, inability to keep jobs on both their parts) and somehow one day they decided to go to church, and it was all downhill from there. I'm glad they've cleaned up, but it came at the cost of appalling fundamentalism. At least my other sister and her husband are rather secular, for the most part.

My mother has stayed the same since I can remember with her neutrality. I however migrated from neutrality and officially considered myself an atheist by the age of 15 and that's the way things have been since.

[SweetReason]

Thank you, everyone, for continuing to post your stories. They sure add spice to the numbers!

I just bought ATHEISTS: A Groundbreaking Study of America's Nonbelievers, and I'm looking forward to adding another piece to the picture

[g2ghawaii]

I come from a strict Southern Baptist family. That meant I had to be in church every time the doors were open practically. I was always skeptical even as a small child but I did not convert until I was fifteen. I have three sisters and ironically two of them are atheist like me and the third is a lesbian.

[SweetReason]

In the future, I will likely be writing to some of you asking permssion to quote your story in an article or book, but it would helpto get emails of permission now from anyone who's willing.

thanks again! :wave:

[irreverent banana]

Most of my family are non-believers. Some non-sanguinal catholic relatives. There may be some who are agnostic or maybe even deists...some aboriginal and one or two into that flaky new age crap I think but the heathens and skeptics are in the majority over here. :)

[jaded_revenge]

Its hard to judge my background, but I'll try to explain it.

My father has seemingly been an atheist all his life, but until now hes never really called himself one. When him and my mother went to get married, the priest nearly called off the wedding a few days before because my dad admitted to not believing in god.

Strangely enough, I was sent to a Sunday school and church at a young age. With no other facts on the case, I believed in this represented god to a degree, like, say to the point of Santa clause. I never really thought about him, but everyone said he was there.

I had a baby brother who was very ill, I can't recall the disease exactly, but it was a genetic malfunction of the gut. Me and my middle brother where sent to live with my pop in NSW whilst my mum and dad stayed in WA for a few months with my baby brother. I was sent to a catholic high school in year seven.

Eventually I got out of that situation, and we rented a house in NSW. I don't remember specifically believing in the god of the RE classes, but I did believe in gaining knowledge and understanding. Mid year, my baby brother got worse again, and we made weekend trips to Sydney to see him in the children's hospital. Then we stayed there as he got worse and worse. One of my uncles, a Hillsong believer, had us pray to god. So did the chaplains, and my brother was baptized at the hospital.

I went along with it, and in my youth and fear, I believed. I bargained, and I prayed. God ignored my humble request and my brother died at 8.5 months old. I had been had. Conned. Lied to. They had gotten me with their faith and hopes.

I gradually became bitter during the religion classes. Questioning a god that would kill a baby. I read the bible, to find it full of such instances, and realized that this god was evil. There was that, or, I found in the dictionary, a possibility that god didn't exist. Atheist the dictionary called it.

It started to make sense, all of it. I was still forced to go to religion classes, but I did almost nothing, and spent time questioning my teacher. I passed easily through my ability with English, though my RE marks where never the same. I was teased a few times for being an atheist, but I didn't care.

At mass, I would quickly walk past the priest during communion, so that he couldn't even bless me. I then found a way out during the last year and half of school, getting myself into a local public school and away from forced religion classes and low school marks.

When I went to university, I discovered that there where people far crazier then dogmatic Catholics, Evangelical Baptists. They had me go to an open forum, so that my questions might be answered and I might be saved. I hogged the forum, destroying the people with bible quotes.

I started to read up on my belief system. Looking into atheism, science and humanism. Which is how I found the address to this site. I've never looked back.

[SweetReason]

Besides getting great stories, I'm starting to see patterns:D

[ajmilne]

Moderate mainline protestant (Anglican) family, mother was a church organist and later would enter the priesthood. Was in choir, youth group, whole bit, fairly involved. Not sure I ever really believed it, myself, probably would have said I had a sorta symbolic/poetic/Deist attitude at the time, if you'd asked me, tended to find more literalist types obnoxious, shallow, irritating. Family and churches they were involved with got involved in charismatic movements popular in that denomination at the time in my mid to late adolescence, I found the whole approach alienating, crass, generally offensive, but this was more the tipping point, I think. I was probably headed out of the faith by then, anyway. My actual 'de-conversion' was fairly contemplative, gradual, not particularly a single event. Considered myself atheist by early twenties. Longer version at bottom of this page (http://www.positiveatheism.org/mail/eml9200.htm).

[Clivedurdle]

Mum welsh pentecostal chapel, claiming direct family link to welsh revival. Dad - Londoner.

[Unsavedsinner]

We were pretty non religious. My parents believe in God but never really went to church or anything. We went to public school and never thought about God. I actually turned my dad into an agnostic.

[SweetReason]

What's the story on that?

I actually turned my dad into an agnostic.

[SweetReason]

Yes, I'm bumping this poll. When I do, more people answer, making it more likely that the results are valid. If/when people stop answering, I'll see if posting some kind of summary looks like a good idea.

Again, my thanks to everyone who helps! :)

[Hellcat]

I'm not really sure how to answer the poll, I never "deconverted", never having been a believer in the first place. My father was an atheist, my mother is a vaguely deist sometime Unitarian, but my grandfather was a very devout member of what would qualify as a "minority religion". On top of all that, I was sent to fundie school for one semester in junior high school. (It's a long story.)

So, none of the above? All of the above?

[gilraen]

Non-religious from the get-go. Went to Sunday School (Presbyterian) until about age 6, and never really believed any of it. It was just story-time. Mother was lackadasical believer, Father never mentioned it. At all. All 3 living grandparents were strong but moderate believers.

I remember, at about age 6 or so, out in the front yard of a fellow church-going family. I got frustrated with something, and said "Oh, God!" Boy, age 5, ran inside to tell his mom. My mom came outside and gave me a tongue-lashing. I sat there, afterwards, *bewildered*. People actually *believed* all that stuff?????

Age 14, had one 2-month period where sheer peer pressure from my best friend had me going to a fundie church that is big in Indiana -- Church of God. (Later, this best friend got married at that church, and part of the vows were (insert deep voice, here): "And she SHALL be subservient to him in ALL things.") Needless to say, I couldn't last long there. The people seemed closed-minded, small in outlook, large in voice and criticism and judgment, and NO one (that I asked) could answer a 14-year-old's questions with any satisfactory answers. And that has never changed.

I've been a confirmed non-believer ever since, and began calling myself an atheist during the 1992 Republican convention. (Ugh!)

I'm now 52, and a grandmother-to-be.

[supersaurus]

Was never a believer.

Family are some sort of Protestant/deist hybrid nonsense.

They know I don't worship gods, and they don't care.

[Chris73az]

My father is a non-practicing catholic like most italians my mother always said she was protestant, my catholic grandma sure disapproved of their marriage back in "69" when I look back on things I realize my mom is and has always been agnostic, my dad is a very liberal believer. I was raised able to think and was told by my mom this way I can decide what if any religion I want to be on my own. My wife on the other hand was raised by 2 fundie parents and not bashing her in any way has no idea what freethought even is, so I believe most of America does by indoctrinating chidren who arent yet able to yet thing criticaly

[SweetReason]

Anyone still interested in taking this poll? I thought it would be something to get to 300 answers and now we're well on the way to 400 -- and learning sooooo much. People's comments are great too :)

[lawman]

Dad really doesn't ever talk about religion. He would probably consider himself an agnostic. Mom believes in God, but neither of them go to church. A big chunk of my mom's family was Christian Scientist (scary).:(

In the third grade I went to a christian private school. I remember wanting to believe, but I just couldn't do it. I have suspicions that one cannot chose to believe, you either do or don't. I don't care how hard I try, I can't believe the sky is red. God is the same way. I've always been interested in religion, its history, and the various beliefs, but I never believed.

Thanks

[MakeTheMost]

When I was 11, and brand new in Boy Scouts, I remarked to another scout that I didn't think I was a Christian, because The Bible was so unbelievable. He then gave me my first taste of high-brow Christian exclusionism. He, a 12-yr-old, said, "If you're not a Christian, you aren't allowed to be in Boy Scouts."

I then kept my opinions quiet for a few years.

FFWD to high school. I was 16, had played guitar for a few years, and a friend told me about a place where I could play along with a "campfire" atmosphere every week. YoungLife. I started going to these weekly youth group meetings and felt left-out because I didn't share their faith. Nevertheless, I kept going, thinking that more and more exposure would help me understand these people.

Guess what! It didn't.

All of my problems with religion, from the impossible circumstances to the hateful dogma, have been reenforced over and over again since then. I'm passionate about my disbelief, and this seems hostile to many people. But I'm still plugging away...If I "unsave" just one person in my lifetime, my struggle will be worth it!

[zoetrope]

Just voted "Liberal or moderate religious family."

I grew up in a religiously conservative community, but my parents are moderate and were never regular churchgoers. Both parents were really cool about my deconversion, which was a huge relief to me.

[EvolvedAndygal]

parents were both atheists, I was essentially agnostic up till the age of 13 when I decided to more or less give up my search for a religion, seems I'm one of those people that just ain't wired to believe in that stuff so now I'ma a fairly commited and strong atheist.

My dad's mom is a non-denominational theist, don't know about my grandpa or either of my mom's now dead parents. my mom's brother is some flavour of Christian I think and my dad's youngest brother's wife is Anglican and he goes along to church with her, but I don't think he's really religious.

[citoc]

My family attended the Anglican church occasionally (once or twice a month ) until I was 7 years old, at which point we moved to what was then West Germany, where we never attended church for the 5 years we lived there. Upon returning to Canada I told my parents I was not interested in going to church any longer and was never forced to go.
Somewhere and somehow between the ages of 8 - 12, I had become an atheist.

Thought I would add that I have 3 brothers, 2 of which I would call quite religious, while myself and one brother are both atheists.

[SweetReason]

More responses from outside the US, as well is within, would be great!

When I first posted this poll, I thought I'd be lucky to get 300 answers -- and we're getting close to 400. That's really informative -- and I want to share the info with people who can apply it to helping atheist and humanist organizations serve us all better

[Johnnyboy]

Conservative backround. Father extremly devoted JW, mother unreligious, but does as father says. I was a believer in my childhood and early youth. Then I suddenly found out that God is evil and maybe doesn't even exist. That all arguments for the christian ethics are completly stupid, purely based on empty speeches, which aim on the emotions, but not on the mind. And that this way of thinking, is the root of the most evil in the world, not "satan".

[Clivedurdle]

This thread seems to have attracted a few new posters. Welcome all! Why?

[ninewands]

Allow me to clarify ... I answered "Conservative religious family" because the majority of my family is politically somewhere to the right of Adolf Hitler and the left of Genghis Khan. Religiously, we were Southern Baptist ... but 'way back then they actually allowed "moderate Southern Baptists" to live ... unlike today where they burn them at the stake. Like Jimmy Carter, the "fundamentalization" of the Southern Baptist Convention is the reason I am no longer Southern Baptist. Unlike the former President, my leaving the SBC led to my total de-conversion. Go figger ...