Women's "no", what does "keep trying" mean?

[Loren Pechtel]

Given the discussion in the original thread (http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.php?t=183265) I think another poll is in order.

For those who voted that it's ok for the man to keep trying, how do you define "keep trying"?

1) The "no" means nothing unless strongly delivered.

2) The "no" means to back off but isn't a restriction on trying the same thing later.

3) The "no" means to drop the idea entirely.

[dmarker]

Given the discussion in the original thread (http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.php?t=183265) I think another poll is in order.

For those who voted that it's ok for the man to keep trying, how do you define "keep trying"?

1) The "no" means nothing unless strongly delivered.

2) The "no" means to back off but isn't a restriction on trying the same thing later.

3) The "no" means to drop the idea entirely.

I define "keep trying" by going back just before the no. If a man and a woman are kissing and the man touches the woman's breast and she stops him, then he could go back to just kissing.

What do you mean by strongly delivered?

[Mav]

"Keep Trying" to me means:

"I like the attention your showing me, and I want to keep that around, but I'm going to put you on hold to see if I can do better. I have my eye on a few, and if they don't work out, I'll give you another shot."

I voted Back off permanently. Why waste my time. I can "keep trying" with someone else.

[seebs]

I think context matters a huge amount. "No" might mean "not exactly that just yet" or it might mean "stick to non-sexual snuggling"; it might mean "for the next five minutes" or "until tomorrow or later".

[Monkey Wrench]

When I say it means no, if I want a man to keep trying I smile and do the little wiggle pose thing.;)

[atonal chaotic]

I just wanna point out there's a "view results" link already, making an "I want to see the results" poll option unnecessary. The seven people who didn't know that have eliminated their own ability to take part in the poll.

[Loren Pechtel]

I just wanna point out there's a "view results" link already, making an "I want to see the results" poll option unnecessary. The seven people who didn't know that have eliminated their own ability to take part in the poll.

But "View Results" only works once. Selecting the null option means you always see the poll results.

[Laura D.]

But "View Results" only works once. Selecting the null option means you always see the poll results.

I selected "View results" for the reason that the poll seemed intended for those voting a particular way in the first poll: For those who voted that it's ok for the man to keep trying, how do you define "keep trying"? The first poll adequately allowed me to state my own admittedly rigid position.

God bless,


Laura

[Stu]

I don't just think it's the timing of "trying again" that is the problem, more a definition of what is being tried again.

If it is physical contact that is rejected, and repeated by the male without verifying what the consent situation is, I have no problem saying that is completely out of line. If this is how the women here are seeing the situation, it would definitely account for the stark difference in responses.

If it was initially a verbal request that was rejected, and the male continues with only verbal requests, I'm a little less comfortable tying that too closely with the word "rape" and with claims that it is not morally permissible. I'm unlikely to do it myself, and I almost chose option 2 for that reason, but I understood the question to be less a case of personal morality and more a case of universal standards of morality.

With the ambiguities of body language and possible insincerities of verbal language, as well as the explicit linking to rape of something that is fundamentally contrary to rape (i.e. requesting consent), and with a complete lack of context, I don't think blanket moral bans would be appropriate if we're talking only verbal requests (as I interpreted the original poll to be).

[Mickie]

Girl in a bar No : No forever
Girl on 2nd date : No this date
No from live in girlfriend: No today/this moment maybe later.
No from Wife : No forever

[Theli]

I voted Back off permanently. Why waste my time. I can "keep trying" with someone else.
This is of course not always an option, men are after all in competition with each other. So someone more persistent will simply take your place. I think dmarker's definition fits well here:
I define "keep trying" by going back just before the no. If a man and a woman are kissing and the man touches the woman's breast and she stops him, then he could go back to just kissing.
And of course the 'intensity' of the "no" decides the amount of steps back you need to take. If you touch her breasts and she screams "NO!!!", it may not be a good idea to kiss her right away. :)