How to explain Christmas?

[verv2]

The season is coming and so are my daughter's questions. Although as a child I was taught that we celebrate the holiday to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the holiday never held any religious meaning for me (mostly because I don't think I ever believed any of the religious teachings). But it has always been a special day for me. It's wonderful because it is a day that we set aside each year to take time out of our busy lives to appreciate each other and to give to the less fortunate. Up till now, when my daughter has asked why people celebrate Christmas, that is the gist of the answer I've given her. Last year when she saw Christmas decorations that read "Happy Birthday Jesus" and asked what they said, my Husband and I just told her that they said "Merry Christmas". Now she's getting older, and I know that she's going to ask me again this year about why people celebrate Christmas. How have those of you who celebrate the holiday in a secular fashion explained the holiday to your children, and what advice can you give me on this? Please keep in mind that my daughter has no concept of God or religion. She's still very young (she'll start Kindergarten next year). And just for more background before answering, I do the whole Santa thing with great enthusiasm. I'm not interested in replies which tell me not to celebrate it, but I am very interested in hearing from those of you that do, and how you've explained it your kids.

[Berthold]

So you raise your daughter without religion.

Let me dimly remember, how did my parents do it? Before I knew that I got my presents from people (I don't recall when I learned of that), I got them from the Christmas Man (he is no Santa in German). I knew that other people would say "from the Christ Child"*, and my mother said, approximately, "They say it that way, never mind". I can't remember having had any painful conflicts about this.

Later, of course, I learned gradually that it is a thing that secular people can celebrate without reference to religion; a time when nature takes a rest, and so does public life; when one finds time to meet relatives, etc. That's the attitude I still have.

Sorry, no "cooking recipe", just how it was in my case.

*It's actually said so here. I know, a Catholic on IIDB from somewhere else was rather astonished because of that.

[smellincoffee]

I was just thinking about this other day. You could say that a long time ago, there was a man named Jesus who did some good things for people. People liked Jesus then and they still like him now. Because Christmas is a time where we try to do good things for people, people celebrate his birthday then, since he did good.


This is a simple answer, of course, but when she gets older you can telll her who Jesus really was.

[Pavlov's Dog]

Just tell her that this guy Jesus happened to be born on Christmas.

[Jakanapes]

Just tell her that this is a time of year when almost every culture in the world celebrates and some make up some silly reasons for doing it. Maybe talk about all the different types of holidays that occur near the winter solstice.

[Medusa]

Just tell her that this guy Jesus happened to be born on Christmas.

I agree. If she's still young you don't have to go into a lot of detail, just mention Christmas means different things to different people, and for some people it's celebrating the life of a man who was alive a long time ago.

[phrog]

Tell her the truth. Jesus is just one of those fanciful fairy tales that is attached to the holliday out of tradition. Jesus and Santa Clause are like good buddies but Santa is the better man, after all, when was the last time you heard of Jesus doing anything for Santa's birthday?

[Writer@Large]

Robert Ingersoll, the Great Agnostic, on the non-religious side of Christmas (http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/robert_ingersoll/christmas_sermon.html):

The good part of Christmas is not always Christian -- it is generally Pagan; that is to say, human, natural.

[...] I believe in Christmas and in every day that has been set apart for joy. We in America have too much work and not enough play. We are too much like the English.

I think it was Heinrich Heine who said that he thought a blaspheming Frenchman was a more pleasing object to God than a praying Englishman. We take our joys too sadly. I am in favor of all the good free days -- the more the better.

Christmas is a good day to forgive and forget -- a good day to throw away prejudices and hatreds -- a good day to fill your heart and your house, and the hearts and houses of others, with sunshine.
Disparaging Englishmen aside, I think he has a very sound point.

--W@L

[Tammuz]

It is strange to me how Christmas is so associated with Christianity.

Winter solstice is an ancient north European celebration which has been celebrated yearly since times out of mind. That you have allowed Christianity hijack it to this extent is unbelieveable. It also worth noting that not only Jesus is supposed to have been born at the winter solstice, but also Mithras.

I don't know much about Christmas in USA, but here is Sweden there are "traces" of Paganism left in Christmas (Jul).

[WishboneDawn]

I think you could share the nativity story, look into pagan traditions that contributed to it, explore Santa Claus myths, etc. and together take a look at where it came from.

Then explain that those are the places, times, religions and peoples it came from but today, to you it means, "a day that we set aside each year to take time out of our busy lives to appreciate each other and to give to the less fortunate." That it's a time of giving and celebration that past cultures and beliefs have gifted us with?

[Writer@Large]

Verv2, if you'd like a really unique book on Christmas, its origins, and how it might be celebrated today, I highly suggest this one:

The Winter Solstice: The Sacred Traditions of Christmas.

It's a unique tome with a lot to chew on for an atheist seeking a more cultural, less spiritual lens through which to look at the holiday.

--W@L

[tapley54]

I would just explain that Christmas is a time of year when we try to be a little nicer, and we buy each other gifts and spend extra time with grandma and grandpa.

When the Christmas lies (Santa & Jesus) come up, simply explain that some people believe that the gifts appear magically and some people believe it is a birthday of an magical man.

I'm personally against lying, especially to children - about Jesus or Santa. I don't participate in the Santa thing any more than I participate in the Jesus thing. Both set an example of dishonesty, and to my knowledge serve no useful purpose (not to say it would be OK if it did serve a purpose).

[verv2]

Tell her the truth. Jesus is just one of those fanciful fairy tales that is attached to the holliday out of tradition. Jesus and Santa Clause are like good buddies but Santa is the better man, after all, when was the last time you heard of Jesus doing anything for Santa's birthday?

I laughed out loud! :jump:

Robert Ingersoll, the Great Agnostic, on the non-religious side of Christmas:
Quote:
The good part of Christmas is not always Christian -- it is generally Pagan; that is to say, human, natural.

[...] I believe in Christmas and in every day that has been set apart for joy. We in America have too much work and not enough play. We are too much like the English.

I think it was Heinrich Heine who said that he thought a blaspheming Frenchman was a more pleasing object to God than a praying Englishman. We take our joys too sadly. I am in favor of all the good free days -- the more the better.

Christmas is a good day to forgive and forget -- a good day to throw away prejudices and hatreds -- a good day to fill your heart and your house, and the hearts and houses of others, with sunshine.
Disparaging Englishmen aside, I think he has a very sound point.

great quote. The book you recommended looks very interseting. I'm gonna get it this week.
I would just explain that Christmas is a time of year when we try to be a little nicer, and we buy each other gifts and spend extra time with grandma and grandpa.

When the Christmas lies (Santa & Jesus) come up, simply explain that some people believe that the gifts appear magically and some people believe it is a birthday of an magical man.

I'm personally against lying, especially to children - about Jesus or Santa. I don't participate in the Santa thing any more than I participate in the Jesus thing. Both set an example of dishonesty, and to my knowledge serve no useful purpose (not to say it would be OK if it did serve a purpose).

I respect your opinion on the santa issue, but I valued the idea of santa in my own life as a child, and I never saw it as deception, but a fun way for my parents to keep anticipation and surprise.

[Viti]

We plan to explain that the Winter Solstice has been celebrated throughout human history as a return of light and warmth, and that for us it is a cultural holiday mixing pagan and Christian traditions, and that we can incorporate whatever mythical and historical and cultural elements we want to as part of the fun

[WishboneDawn]

I respect your opinion on the santa issue, but I valued the idea of santa in my own life as a child, and I never saw it as deception, but a fun way for my parents to keep anticipation and surprise.

I see it the same way. My memories of believing in santa are good and warm ones. I think fantasies can be cherished. And then getting to be in on it when I was a little older, a christmas right of passage. Some people don't have good experiences, some do. I did and I'm passing it on to my kids.

[Writer@Large]

I respect your opinion on the santa issue, but I valued the idea of santa in my own life as a child, and I never saw it as deception, but a fun way for my parents to keep anticipation and surprise.
I agree, and I view Santa Claus in much the same way. Discourage LITERAL belief, but playing with the idea of Santa is no different than any other time a child plays make believe. My son is Superman for Halloween this year, and he's been running around in his cape shouting "Fly! Fly!" I'm not going to tell him to stop that nonsense because people can't REALLY fly and Superman doesn't REALLY exist; I'm going to grab a red bath towel and run around with him!

--W@L

[Viti]

Exactly. Kids don't seem to need to think Mickey Mouse is literally real to be excited to meet him as Disneyland or whatever. Pretending with Santa is all part of the fun. I do not plan on teaching Santa as a real figure, but will have Santa gifts and stockings.

[Mav]

One talk I had with a friend of mines 8 year old went something like this.
"So ya wonder what the Christmas thing it all about right? Well lets see. (I let him tell me what he thinks it is so far.) 8 yold: "Well, it is about Santa and gifts, Frosty, and food and a baby named Jesus,"
"Your right, and Christmas is for everyone on earth...but everyone on earth doesn't celebrate it the same way. (at this point I took it down to his level) Lets take these 2 cookies here....they are not the same, but they are still warm from the oven. They don't look the same right? (he nods) Ya think they taste the same? (shakes his head) However, they are still cookies right? (he nods) When we eat them, do they make us feel good? (smiles and nods..he wants a cookie) Well Christmas is like that....some people celebrate Christmas like this cookie, (held up one cookie) while other people celebrate Christmas like this cookie, (held up the other) but no matter what type of cookie...they make us feel good inside. There are many different types of cookies, and many different ways to celebrate Christmas...but they make is all feel good right? (he nods) Thats what Christmas is all about, feeling good and helping others to feel good.....Tell ya what, what do you think would make Mommy and Daddy feel good right now? (off to find mommy and daddy with 2 cookies in hand he went.

If this works, point out what traditions you do, and events you take part in to celebrate Christmas. I suggested to my friend that he and his son create a new tradition that is his sons suggestion. Then every year his son can preform this tradition on his own (or with little help) to make Christmas his own. (cook something, light a candle somewhere, wear a special hat to sleep..etc) My friend broke out an old quilt they had, and they use it only on Christmas eve. He calls it his Christmas Quilt.

Hope this helps.

[Writer@Large]

Mav, I'm going to steal that analogy when my son is old enough to be asking those questions. Nice one! :)

--W@L

[Rhea]

We point out that Christmas is when they celebrate the birth of a major figure in their religion, named Jesus. Although, there is a lot of dispute about when their records indicate the birth actually was - probably September - but who cares, and it's fun to have celebrations.

We actually celebrate "Solstice" as a fun marking of seasonal time (we also celebrate the Summer Solstice) but we have no problem with joining in on Christmas celebrations that occur in public and at friends' houses, so they get the info anyway.

[AspenMama]

I like to share all the various stories about the season with my kids. But try to emphasize the Winter Solstice as the best reason to celebrate. Regarding the Santa myth-- I'm with the crowd who thinks it is a bad idea to play that up too much. I believe it creates a lack of trust with your children when they find out the truth later on. So, I take the stance of neither denying nor promoting said Santa myth.

[MadPhatCat]

Mav, I'm going to steal that analogy when my son is old enough to be asking those questions. Nice one! :)


Here here. I too will steal that as well when the time comes. However, cookies can lead to morbid obesity so I will be using different vegetables from the dip platter. ;)

[Mav]

Glad it will help. Any item can be used as long as it is an item that is only made or used during that holiday. It has to be something special but any item can be used. http://www.fullsmilies.com/q/Smiley/iyicek-icicek/toast.gif

[pariah]

http://www.fullsmilies.com/q/Smiley/iyicek-icicek/toast.gif

Did you just use a fucking bread smiley?

:p

[tapley54]

Some people don't have good experiences, some do. I did and I'm passing it on to my kids.

I guess that could be... I hated Christmas because my parents were too broke to get us anything (dad had expensive drug & alcohol habits to support), and that made me feel guilty because apparently Santa brought me nothing because I had been naughty...

I also remember going to school after Christmas break and in class the first day back we always talked about what we got for Christmas. So even once I realized there is no Santa, and that it wasn't my fault I got nothing, it was still a difficult time of year.

...Discourage LITERAL belief, but playing with the idea of Santa is no different than any other time a child plays make believe...

--W@L

That is the point i was trying to make.

I've got nothing against pretending, as long as all parties involved are aware it's make-believe.

[verv2]

I guess that could be... I hated Christmas because my parents were too broke to get us anything (dad had expensive drug & alcohol habits to support), and that made me feel guilty because apparently Santa brought me nothing because I had been naughty...

I also remember going to school after Christmas break and in class the first day back we always talked about what we got for Christmas. So even once I realized there is no Santa, and that it wasn't my fault I got nothing, it was still a difficult time of year.

I can see how the santa thing had a bad effect on you, and I've often thought the same thing about children whose parents' could not afford to get them anything. If I weren't going to actually make it so that santa did come and bring presents, I don't think that I'd let my child hope for such a thing. But since I know she will be getting presents, it's a fun way to surprise her and keep her excited.

[Malachi151]

Just tell her that this guy Jesus happened to be born on Christmas.

Why would he lie to his daughter like that?

At any rate, just be honest about the holiday what's the issue?

Here is what I plan to do with my kids on holidays, we are going to do research on them and present a new fact about that holiday year year.

Anyway, just tell her the truth about Christmas, that it started as a Roman holiday before Christianity and that when the Christians took over Rome they adopted the holiday and it has been celebrated as a Christian holiday representing the mythical birth of Jesus ever since, and that most Christians also know that Jesus was not born on Christmas, its just symbolic.

In addition, many cultures and religions have celebrations around the same time because this is the winter solstice, upon which the Roman holiday itself was origionally based.

[Zygote]

We are a second or third generation atheist family. We celebrate Christmas as a time of sharing and giving, of getting together with family, and of decorating the house with bright tacky colorful decorations we would never go near the other 11 months of the year. Oh, and there are some tasty traditional foods and some melodic traditional tunes. There are Jewish atheists and Muslim atheists and we are Christian atheists: culturally Christian with no belief, just the traditions.

We celebrated like this for years when the kids were little and, as the issue came up, explained that Christmas as we know is was designed to celebrate someone called Jesus who was a person long ago who had some ideas about people being nice to each other. Any more detailed discussions fall under the category of talking to your kids about why some people go to church.

That's a whole 'nother discussion.

[SweetReason]

If your daughter is going to be in kindergarten next year, she is going to start hearing all about Santa and Christmas from the other kids. If you're lucky, maybe she'll hear about Kwanzaa and Hanukkah too. So it's time to start saying something she's old enough to hear, "Some people think..." A couple of other handy phrase are, "Some insert kids' parents tell them," and "what some families do is..."

By the way, the winter solstice celebrations we think of are not universal. My daughter-in-law is from Hawaii, and all most of the stuff about snow seemed pretty strange to her when she was growing up! Whatever the Polynesians celebrated before the missionaries came was something very different. New Year's celebrations and harvest celebrations (often the two are related) are much more common. There are lots of wonderful kids' books about all kinds of holiday customs of different cultures, and they're a great way to let kids know that the local Christianity is just one belief in the world, without preaching.