Need advice

[chichiflys]

OK - anyone in a similar situation?

Me = recent atheist (I was raised loosely in a religious household, but I never really bought it all)

Wife = opposite. Raised in the south - not overly fundie - but strong/comfortable in her belief.

Due to my recent deconvert and the fact that we have two kids (5 & 7) and are home schooling them it is a problem, at times.

She wants to expose the kids to her religion, I would prefer she not of course. So our "compromise" is that she takes the kids to church on Sundays (that is when we aren't doing something cool ;) ) and she will keep the religious stuff out of the school curriculum. When she talks about her religion in the house (Christmas, Easter, outside of school) she will pre-empt it with "I believe things happened this way" as opposed to "God created all the animals, period". So as to interject a non-absolutist angle. So far this has been working. When I talk to the kids I don't say how whacked out her beliefs are, I simply state she believes in certain things and I do not. Honestly I think the kids are too young to really understand what religion is and I have this fear they will get "brain washed". I know it's a little goofy, but I do think it's possible.

I believe we are both mature enough not to use the kids as leverage tools. And for the most part this has been OK, although at times it can get heated. The kids are so far oblivious to this debate we have.

Anyway, anyone have a similar experience? I still have strong feelings for my wife and it would take some serious problems to ever think of ending the relationship - to me that is simply not an option. We have worked out some tough times before, so although this presents a challenge, I am not giving up on all the previous work we have put into the relationship.

If anyone has any similar situations please feel free to let me know what worked or didn't.

[Proxima Centauri]

As your kids get older you can expose them progressively more to the Scientific method (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientific_method). That way when they reach adolescence and start to question the religion they are taught they will have the tools to work out why religion doesn't make sense.

[JDB-44]

My wife's a moderate Catholic, and at the local church teaches a Sunday school-ish class, which our 5- and 3-year-old daughters attend.

We had some early issues as I casually dropped lines to my older daughter about God being make-believe. Hoo-boy, that didn't go over too well, but that's another story.

Fortunately, through my influence (I'd like to think), my wife is not as into it as before. I don't push her, but I got her to watch The God That Wasn't There, and we laugh at the anti-religious themes in Family Guy and The Simpsons. So things aren't too bad on that front.

Even though I've agreed, for the time being, not to bluntly express my opinions about God and Jebus to my daughters, I *have* made inroads in teaching my oldest some critical thinking skills. Specifically, whenever the subject of elves, fairies, or unicorns comes up, I remind her that:

- Sometimes people like to believe stuff because it's fun, or they don't understand something in nature...but that doesn't make it real.

- If somebody talks about something and says it's invisible, it's probably make-believe.

She understands that much, and I'm happy with that. I'd like to do more, but honestly, I don't see what they're doing at Sunday School to be much of a threat. It could be a lot worse.

Jared

[Jobar]

Hi chichiflys, welcome to II.

You're in the right place- lots of people here in the same situation you are, or a very similar one. I'm glad to hear that your whole relationship isn't threatened by this disagreement, as there have been many marriages torn apart by it.

I'm sure that you'll be hearing from numerous others. I'm childless, so I can't offer you any advice from experience, but I do wish you good luck in dealing with this thorny issue.

[earljail]

When she talks about her religion in the house (Christmas, Easter, outside of school) she will pre-empt it with "I believe things happened this way" as opposed to "God created all the animals, period". So as to interject a non-absolutist angle. So far this has been working. When I talk to the kids I don't say how whacked out her beliefs are, I simply state she believes in certain things and I do not.

No similar experience, but I just wanted to say that that seems like a really great way to deal with religion for your kids. Let them choose. When they're older, maybe they'll ask to go to a religious camp in the summer, and the point is it will be their choice. No indoctrination for them, just education about two viewpoints.

[chichiflys]

Thanks everyone for the kind words. This is new territory for me and the wife - but we'll get through it. I get bummed sometimes but in the grand scheme of things this really isn't all that bad considering the other problems we could be dealing with.

So I plan on just learning as much as I can about evolution and science and teach the kids to ask questions...something I wish I would have done when I was younger.

This is a great web site and I have been poking around checking out all the great resources...good stuff!