Santaism and Asantaism

[DMB]

In this thread, (http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=59492&perpage=25&pagenumber=1) Charles Darwin was pretty dismissive of Santa.
the claim that Santa does not exist is trivial (i.e., no justification is required). One can easily explain the appearance of presents Christmas morning without appealing to Santa; it is not so easy to explain existence without God (that's putting it lightly).

I have been thinking about this (for at least 20 minutes :D), and I feel that as, nobody else is likely to take up the cause, it is perhaps incumbent on us to speak up for Santaism against the hordes of Asantaists.

Now I know that many here feel a strong emotional attachment to the IPU (PBUHHH). But few people in this benighted world have even heard of Her Sublime Holy Pinkness, whereas a majority know of Santa, even if they have stiff necks and hardened hearts that cause them to reject Him.

Of course, most people’s view of Santa is coloured by the ludicrous heretical and idolatrous representations of Him that are annually to be found in department stores and on christmas cards. They show Him as a fat, Falstaffian, red-clothed buffoon – hardly to be taken seriously. True Santaists ™ know better.

Santaism is, of course, a mystery religion, most of whose truths are known only to initiates, and it is therefore not possible to reveal them all in a public forum to those who are not committed by faith to Santa. I am, however, allowed to mention the following points:
Santa is invisible;
Santa is omnibenevolent and wishes to give christmas presents to everyone, provided only that

Every member of the household has absolute faith in Santa, and

The intended recipient has been very, very, very good for the whole of the preceding year.

Santa is merciful. If you have not managed to be better than very, very good all year or if you are a true believer in a sceptical household, He will chalk up points to your credit, and you will still get presents from him after you die. True believers will receive christmas presents from Santa every day in the afterlife and they will be better than any present you could possibly imagine.
Unbelievers who object that it is impossible for Santa to get round everywhere in the world with presents in one day are simply showing the feebleness of their human intellects. It is not given to us to understand the powers and ways of Santa.
Blasphemers who buy presents and then claim that they came from Santa will be punished. Santa will not give them, or the unfortunate recipients of their presents, any of His real presents either during the year of the offence or in subsequent years or in the afterlife.

I leave it to those who are better versed than I in the mysteries of Santaism to improve on my feeble effort here.

[Doctor X]

We even have scriptural support for his existence:

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a mouse.

Of course, these asantaists reject any evidence no matter how good it is.

They will rue their lack of faith, when we have our BB guns and they have their coal!

--J.D.

[Ronin]

...and from the Santian hymnal of my youth, that I still sing from on that holiest on nights when that jolly benefactor visits:

Ohhhhhh, your BETTER watch out
You BETTER not cry
You BETTER not pout
I'm TELLING you why

Santa Claus is COMING to town
He SEES you when you're sleeping
He KNOWS when you're awake
He KNOWS when you've been bad or good

So BE GOOD for goodness sayyyyyyke....

[Hopeful Monsters]

I speak in defence of Santaists

1. Every year, millions of kids around the world send a wish list to Santa (you could, if you like, say they 'pray' to Santa).

Some even burn their wish lists in their chimney. After these careful and solemn ceremonies ('ritual'?) - voila! those presents appear. Their prayers are answered - proof that He exists.

2. There are extensive texts (many with brightly coloured pictures) about Santa, which are read and recited around the world (you could, if you like, call them 'Scripture').

3. Some songs (you could say hymns) were created by followers of Santa - incuding his great disciple and guardian of the hymnal, Phil Spector.

4. Many children - and some parents - claim to have had a direct encounter with Santa (you could say 'revelation' or 'epiphany'). Proof surely, that He exists.

5. Santa is loved and followed by millions around the world - surely millions cannot be wrong about Him? Wouldn't it be absolute arrogance to claim otherwise?

6. Prove to me that He does not exist.

[godfry n. glad]

I assume everyone here has heard about the embittered dyslexic who sold his soul to Santa?

I assume this means that when he dies, he'll go to the North Pole and be forced to work on the Gameboy assembly line.

'Zat right?

gng

[emotional]

The difference between God and Santa is that God is real.

Thou wast, O God, and Thou wast blest
Before the world began.
Of Thine eternity possessed
Before time's hour-glass ran.
Thou neededst none thy praise to sing
As if Thy joy could fade:
Shouldst Thou have needed anything
Thou couldst have nothing made.

[godfry n. glad]

Originally posted by emotional
The difference between God and Santa is that God is real.

ROTFLAY....

God is real what?

gng

[Hopeful Monsters]

emotional ...

Below is a song created from a level of intellectual rigour that is equal and similar to the one that produced the hymn by John Mason that you quote above:-

----

You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why:
Santa Claus is coming to town!
He's making a list,
Checking it twice,
Gonna find out who's naughty or nice.
Santa Claus is coming to town!
He sees you when you're sleeping,
He knows when you're awake.
He knows if you've been bad or good,
So be good for goodness sake!
Oh! You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why:
Santa Claus is coming to town!
J. Fred Coots, Henry Gillespie (c) 1934

[Kthulhu]

If Santa ever existed he's dead now. (http://www.geocities.com/ngiamjz/proof_of_santas_inexistence_proof_page.htm)

~The Thing That Should Not Be

[DMB]

Originally posted by Kthulhu
If Santa ever existed he's dead now. (http://www.geocities.com/ngiamjz/proof_of_santas_inexistence_proof_page.htm)

~The Thing That Should Not Be

Oh blaspheming unbeliever! You will find yourself in the afterlife without a single present, while all around you are enjoying theirs.
See my point 4 above. Besides, Santa is not fat, He is invisible and He has means of appearing wherever and whenever He wills it that are beyond your feeble understanding.

[Ronin]

Santa is Love.

Where there is love...there is Santa.

[Doctor X]

Santa . . . PEACE!!!

No Santa . . . NO PEACE!!!!

Stan: I don't know dude, who should we help?

Cartmen: I say we help Santa Claus!

Kyle: You're just saying that because he brings you candy!

Cartmen: Hey! I don't have to take that kind of shit from a Jew!

Kyle: You're such a FAT FUCK, Cartmen, that when you walk down the street people yell, "GOD . . . DAMN that kid's a big FAT FUCK!!"

How can one argue with the innocent wisdom of children?

--J.D.

[sakrilege]

Santa Claus and His Old Lady (http://www.twin-music.com/lyrics_file/christmas/humor/santa.html) by Cheech and Chong

Audio version (http://djlen.tzo.com:6082/ra/Xmas/Cheech%20&%20Chong%20-%20Santa%20Claus%20&%20His%20Old%20Lady.html)

[Doctor X]

Now all serious scholars accept the authority of Cheech and Chong.

I think the "case is closed."

--J.D.

[Tharmas]

Originally posted by Kthulhu
If Santa ever existed he's dead now. (http://www.geocities.com/ngiamjz/proof_of_santas_inexistence_proof_page.htm)

~The Thing That Should Not Be

Well, it's easy to make fun of a literal Santa. What a straw man! Nobody except a few fundamentalists in Arkansas believes in a literal Santa any more.

Meet a LIBERAL Santarian. Oh sure, you can call me a cafeteria Santarian if you want, but the Truth is, Santa is a metaphor, for love and giving and goodness.

Yes, Yes, there IS a SANTA!!

Check it out: Santa is real! (http://www.egr.msu.edu/~bohl/virginia.html)

[Jobar]

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Ah, the wisdom of the Sun! I think this should be recited daily in public schools, to counter the cynical and child-hating disbelief of the Santa-deniers (those lying and purposely wicked destroyers of all that's sweet and innocent!) who are attempting to remove all mention of Santa from public discourse!

[DMB]

Someone has pointed out to me a resemblance between Santa and Hank. This is only superficial. You don't have to leave town to receive presents from Santa, nor does he kick your ass. There is a heretical sect of Santaists who claim that Santa is accompanied by a dark companion who beats those who have not been good enough throughout the year, but True Santaists ™ know this to be untrue.

[godfry n. glad]

Originally posted by DMB
Someone has pointed out to me a resemblance between Santa and Hank. This is only superficial. You don't have to leave town to receive presents from Santa, nor does he kick your ass. There is a heretical sect of Santaists who claim that Santa is accompanied by a dark companion who beats those who have not been good enough throughout the year, but True Santaists ™ know this to be untrue.


SPLITTER!

How can you not believe in Lumpakole Enyersock? This is Santa's messenger to the naughty.

You are no True Santaist, you are a....

HERETIC!

[Shadowy Man]

Of course Santa exists!!

I've seen him at the Mall!!!

With mine own eyes.

[DMB]

Sorry, Shadowy. All you've seen is an idolatrous representation of Him by the heretical mallists. The real Santa is invisible, as all initiates know.

If you would like to become an initiate you could start by supporting True Santaism ™ and taking a course at Chuck Nits University. Send $900 and I will enroll you in the introductory True Santaism ™ three-week course. If you prove an adept student, you will be able to progress to ever higher levels. Home study course are available for some levels, but we prefer novices to attend a number of courses at the campus of Chuck Nits so that they can benefit from the fellowship that is such an important part of True Santaism ™ .

[godfry n. glad]

Don't listen to DMB, Shadowy...

He's an heretical Pollyanna Santaist...They ignore the scriptures about the judgment of Santa on the naughty and the nice and deny the existence of Santa's messenger Lumpakole Enyersock.

Those who deny Lumpakole deny the moralistic power of Santa and his annual judgment. That messenger is intended to improve behavior in the following year. How can we build and maintain a moral society if Santa gives gifts to everyone regardless of their actions?

Those mallsantas are there to assist the real Santa in his judgement process. They are not real Santas, but help gather relevant information for the real Santa.

The real Santa is a judgmental Santa. Don't fall for the decadent Pollyanna Santa. That's the road to disallusionment and giftlessness. You must fear Santa!

[Doctor X]

Of course the His Jolliness, the Santa of Macy's, the primate of the Universal--and one true-Church of Santa--is infallible when he speaks upon matters of Naughty and Nice and has his hat on.

--J.D.

[godfry n. glad]

Originally posted by Doctor X
Of course the His Jolliness, the Santa of Macy's, the primate of the Universal--and one true-Church of Santa--is infallible when he speaks upon matters of Naughty and Nice and has his hat on.

--J.D.

You do know why Santa is so jolly, don't you?

gng

[DMB]

Originally posted by godfry n. glad
Don't listen to DMB, Shadowy...

He's an heretical Pollyanna Santaist...They ignore the scriptures about the judgment of Santa on the naughty and the nice and deny the existence of Santa's messenger Lumpakole Enyersock.

Those who deny Lumpakole deny the moralistic power of Santa and his annual judgment. That messenger is intended to improve behavior in the following year. How can we build and maintain a moral society if Santa gives gifts to everyone regardless of their actions?

Those mallsantas are there to assist the real Santa in his judgement process. They are not real Santas, but help gather relevant information for the real Santa.

The real Santa is a judgmental Santa. Don't fall for the decadent Pollyanna Santa. That's the road to disallusionment and giftlessness. You must fear Santa!

godfrey n. glad is a member of a breakaway sect (popularly known as the "Lumpakolians") who split in the late 18th century from the so-called "Reform Movement" prevalent two centuries earlier mainly in the Netherlands. The "Reform Santaists" call Santa "Sinterklaas" (or occasionally, being Dutch, "Sinterklaasje") and they allege that His dark companion is called "Swarte Piet". In Germany, this mythical character was known as "Knecht Ruprecht" or the "Krampus". "Lumpakole" was adopted as his name when the founder of the Lumpakolians, who was profoundly deaf, misheard a request for more cabbage.

"Pollyanna Santaists" is a pejorative name that the Lumpakolians apply to the orthodox True Santaists ™. There has been great controversy among Santaists about whether anyone who has not been initiated by initiates of True Santaism ™ can really be considered as a Santaist at all.

[Doctor X]

You do know why Santa is so jolly, don't you?

I am bless'd with that exclusive gnosis, yes.

--J.D.

[godfry n. glad]

Originally posted by Doctor X
I am bless'd with that exclusive gnosis, yes.

--J.D.

I'll bet you are. I suspect you also know Santa's real name....

Unlike those Pollyanna Santaists who go around spouting defamatory slander about those of us who have access to the true gnosis and do our best to be nice...ALL YEAR 'ROUND.

godfry n. glad

[braces_for_impact]

Verily one can find proof of Santa if one looks with an open mind. Why, look at the history and scripture of Santa. Some say that Santa does not exist because history does not support Santa, and that there are errors and contradictions in his scriptures. This could not be farther from the truth.

You see, if one really, truly believes in Santa, and approaches his word openly, it is easy to realize there are no contradictions or errors. You Asantaists! You look at Santa's word for all of five minutes and declare it in error! You are blind! Not one of you has bothered to research his word, and if you have it's with no santa in your heart.

Listen Santa created everything so he could come and give you presents, that is all. It is humanity which has turned against Santa, and made the world what it is today. Santa loves you so much, that he gave you free will to be able to accept his presents or not. It's YOUR choice. If you reject him, then you suffer the consequences, for Santa is perfect, and cannot be in the presence of those without his gifts. Why do you think he sneaks in to deliver them at night?

Santa created all of this world for you to enjoy. How pathetic and meaningless your life must be, knowing you will die and that's it. I know when I die, I will be getting cool presents for all eternity! In the meantime, you heathens will have no presents, and be cut off from the presence of Santa. We true believers will see you in your suffering, and we will laugh and point at you mecilessly.

Please, please accept Santa now before it's too late!

In Santa,

Ron

<S><

[Doctor X]

Well . . . I have made Santa "my personal savior!"

--J.D.

[conkermaniac]

Originally posted by TruthIsTold


Some even burn their wish lists in their chimney. After these careful and solemn ceremonies ('ritual'?) - voila! those presents appear. Their prayers are answered - proof that He exists.
Yeah, I mean, he's better than the Christian God. He actually answers prayers more than 75% of the time. ;)

[Doctor X]

Did Santa ever slaughter the first born?

No!

Okay . . . there was that time the elves soaked the coals with gasoline after too much eggnog . . . stocking . . . fire . . . but it was only a town in Arkansas. . . .

Most of the kids had been naughty anyways. . . .

--J.D.

[Quantum Ninja]

This thread reminds me of something I heard/read somewhere in the past few weeks. Not quite sure where I found it (there's a good chance it was here), but it stuck with me. Here's a horribly butchered version of the quote (apologies to whomever wrote it):

"Belief in Santa Claus is like religion with training wheels."

That was the gist of the statement, anyway. It really makes a lot of sense. Fooling children into believing that their actions are being monitored by an omnipotent Gift-Giver who rewards good actions and faith is a good way to indoctrinate the young crowd with the tenets of Christianity. It's Phase 1 of Operation Brainwash.

[Doctor X]

HERETIC!!!

--J.D.

[DMB]

Originally posted by Quantum Ninja
This thread reminds me of something I heard/read somewhere in the past few weeks. Not quite sure where I found it (there's a good chance it was here), but it stuck with me. Here's a horribly butchered version of the quote (apologies to whomever wrote it):

"Belief in Santa Claus is like religion with training wheels."

That was the gist of the statement, anyway. It really makes a lot of sense. Fooling children into believing that their actions are being monitored by an omnipotent Gift-Giver who rewards good actions and faith is a good way to indoctrinate the young crowd with the tenets of Christianity. It's Phase 1 of Operation Brainwash.
I have heard some Asantaists (who are probably achristians as well) claim that, on the contrary, it vaccinates children against belief in invisible beings and unconditional belief in the claims of their parents.

Personally, I deplore those apostates who lapse from Santaism into Christianity, which is no better than any other form of Asantaism, although some deluded persons manage to maintain both beliefs simultaneously.

[Jack the Bodiless]

I've never understood why so many theists dismiss Santa. He's immune to just about all of the standard arguments against the existence of God!

Santa is non-omnipotent, hence no Problem of Evil. And there are no Santaist scriptures which depict atrocities committed in his name.

Furthermore, Santa doesn't contradict science. His magical powers aren't explained by science, but they don't suffer from the embarrassing clashes with reality that Christianity does: Santaists aren't required to believe that the Earth is young, there was a global flood that left no trace, and so forth.

And one of the biggest objections I have to the concept of a generic God is the origin of God's intelligence. All the intelligence we know about is the result of evolution: a survival aid. Why should God be intelligent?

For Santa, and other members of his species (the Elves), this is not a problem: the Elves can be products of evolution. They are evidently hominids, and from their habitat, they are presumably adapted to cold. I propose that they are descendants of the Neanderthals. Given the necessary premise that magic exists: they are Neanderthaler wizards.

[TomboyMom]

The difference between God and Santa is that God is real.

The difference between God and Santa is that Santa is real.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.


Prove I'm wrong.

BTW, emotional, aren't you the one who isn't interested in truth? (from a different thread.) You seem to be interested in the truth about what is real and what isn't.

Rene

[hinduwoman]

what about people like me who had never heard of Santa? Is it too late for me to accept him and get presents? :(

[NonHomogenized]

Originally posted by Jack the Bodiless
I've never understood why so many theists dismiss Santa. He's immune to just about all of the standard arguments against the existence of God!

Santa is non-omnipotent, hence no Problem of Evil. And there are no Santaist scriptures which depict atrocities committed in his name.

Furthermore, Santa doesn't contradict science. His magical powers aren't explained by science, but they don't suffer from the embarrassing clashes with reality that Christianity does: Santaists aren't required to believe that the Earth is young, there was a global flood that left no trace, and so forth.

And furthermore, if someone claims that it's not Santa leaving the presents (in some cases), but the parents, well, it's obvious that Santa was acting through the parents. Just like some of those asantaist heathens claim that god does.

[Doctor X]

Hinduwoman:

. . . what about people like me who had never heard of Santa? Is it too late for me to accept him and get presents?

No, but whether you have heard of him or not, or have accepted him or not, he knows whether you have been naughty . . . or nice. . . .

--J.D.

[alexander74]

Greetings! Just a question from an asantaist: If Santa is invisible, how do you know that he isn't fat?

Just pointing out a possible contradiction...unless I'm reading it out of context...:D

alex
"Imagine"

[DMB]

I know because I am an initiate of True Santaism ™ . What is revealed to me is not available to the uncommitted. You have to start by having faith in Santa.

Good news for Hinduwoman: Yes, my dear, as I wrote in the OP:
Santa is omnibenevolent and wishes to give christmas presents to everyone, provided only that

Every member of the household has absolute faith in Santa, and

The intended recipient has been very, very, very good for the whole of the preceding year.
You may have to work hard on getting your household to toe the line, but there is hope for you.

[dopie]

I think you are all forgetting that omniSANTA is everything. onmiSANTA includes the presents that are given to everyone, once they are given they are then not omniSANTA... But everything is part of omniSANTA.... obviously. :D

[DMB]

Are you sure your name isn't dophie?

[King Rat]

think you are all forgetting that omniSANTA is everything. onmiSANTA includes the presents that are given to everyone, once they are given they are then not omniSANTA... But everything is part of omniSANTA.... obviously.

Dopie, You must be posting from a higher level, since I had a hard time understanding your post. Maybe one day when I am molest...err blessed by by one of Santa's 'Little Helpers' I'll understand.

[MJones]

Teehee... I was arguing with a christian a few months back. I started taking everything she said about god and plugging Santa into the equasion. That was fun.

She told me that I was being deceived by the Devil. I told her she was being deceived by the Grinch. :D

Dirty Dog

[braces_for_impact]

Posted by Alexander74
Greetings! Just a question from an asantaist: If Santa is invisible, how do you know that he isn't fat?

No contradiction here. Santa is quite visible to all if you know where to look with an open heart. Then you too will know he is fat.

Also, we know from the various Santa scriptures that Santa is jolly. We also know Santa is jolly because he wants to give presents to everyone. People who are unhappy don't just give presents to everybody right? And we all know fat people are jolly, so Santa is fat. See how easy that was?

You Asantaists think you're so smart.

[nermal]

Originally posted by Quantum Ninja
This thread reminds me of something I heard/read somewhere in the past few weeks. Not quite sure where I found it (there's a good chance it was here), but it stuck with me. Here's a horribly butchered version of the quote (apologies to whomever wrote it):

"Belief in Santa Claus is like religion with training wheels."

That was the gist of the statement, anyway. It really makes a lot of sense. Fooling children into believing that their actions are being monitored by an omnipotent Gift-Giver who rewards good actions and faith is a good way to indoctrinate the young crowd with the tenets of Christianity. It's Phase 1 of Operation Brainwash.

You are lukewarm in Santa's mouth, and he spits your presents into the infinite wastebasket of doom.

Ed

[Pyrrho]

Originally posted by Jack the Bodiless
I've never understood why so many theists dismiss Santa. He's immune to just about all of the standard arguments against the existence of God!

Santa is non-omnipotent, hence no Problem of Evil. And there are no Santaist scriptures which depict atrocities committed in his name.

Furthermore, Santa doesn't contradict science. His magical powers aren't explained by science, but they don't suffer from the embarrassing clashes with reality that Christianity does: Santaists aren't required to believe that the Earth is young, there was a global flood that left no trace, and so forth.

And one of the biggest objections I have to the concept of a generic God is the origin of God's intelligence. All the intelligence we know about is the result of evolution: a survival aid. Why should God be intelligent?

For Santa, and other members of his species (the Elves), this is not a problem: the Elves can be products of evolution. They are evidently hominids, and from their habitat, they are presumably adapted to cold. I propose that they are descendants of the Neanderthals. Given the necessary premise that magic exists: they are Neanderthaler wizards.

Indeed, belief in Santa Claus is more rational than belief in God.

[Cretinist]

Originally posted by Kthulhu
If Santa ever existed he's dead now. (http://www.geocities.com/ngiamjz/proof_of_santas_inexistence_proof_page.htm)

~The Thing That Should Not Be

Robert T. Carroll (I think) has long ago refuted this Asantaist garbage.

Rebuttal: Several key points are overlooked by this callous, amateurish "study."

1) Flying reindeer: As is widely known (due to the excellent historical documentary "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," the flying reindeer are not a previously unknown species of reindeer, but were in fact given the power of flight due to eating magic acorns. As is conclusively proven in "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (a no punches pulled look at life in Santa's village), this ability has bred true in subsequent generations of reindeer - obviously the magic acorns imprinted their power on a dominant gene sequence within the reindeer DNA strand.

2) Number of households: This figure overlooks two key facts. First of all, the first major schism in the Church split the Eastern Churches, centered in Byzantium, from the Western, which remained centered in Rome. This occurred prior to the Gregorian correction to the Julian calendar. The Eastern churches (currently called Orthodox Churches) do not recognize the Gregorian correction for liturgical events, and their Christmas is as a result several days after the Western Churches'. Santa gets two shots at delivering toys.

Secondly, the figure of 3.5 children per household is based on the gross demographic average, which includes households with no children at all. The number of children per household, when figured as an average for households with children, would therefore have to be adjusted upward. Also, the largest single Christian denomination is Roman Catholic, who, as we all know, breed like rabbits. If you don't believe me, ask my four brothers and two sisters - they'll back me up. Due to the predominance of Catholics within Christian households, the total number of households containing Christian children would have to be adjusted downward to reflect the overloading of Catholics beyond a standard deviation from the median.

Also, the assertion that each home would contain at least one good child would be reasonable enough if there were in fact an even 3.5 children per household. However, since the number of children per household is distributed integrally, there are a significant number (on the order of several million) of one child Christian households. Even though only children are notoriously spoiled and therefore disproportionately inclined towards being naughty, since it's the holidays we'll be generous and give them a fifty-fifty chance of being nice. This removes one half of the single child households from Santa's delivery schedule, which has already been reduced by the removal of the Orthodox households from the first delivery run.

3) Santa's delivery run (speed, payload, etc.) These all suffer from the dubious supposition that there is only one Santa Claus. The name "Santa" is obviously either Spanish or Italian, two ethnic groups which are both overwhelmingly Catholic. The last name Claus suggests a joint German/Italian background. His beginnings, battling the Burgermeister Meisterburger, suggest he grew up in Bavaria (also predominantly Catholic). The Kaiser style helmets of the Burgermeister's guards, coupled with the relative isolation of the village, suggest that his youth was at the very beginning of Prussian influence in Germany. Thus, Santa and Mrs. Claus have been together for well over one hundred years. If you think that after a hundred years of living at the North Pole with nights six months long that they remain childless, you either don't know Catholics or are unaware of the failure rate of the rhythm method. There have therefore been over five generations of Clauses, breeding like Catholics for over one hundred years. Since they are Catholic, their exponential population increase would obviously have a gain higher than the world population as a whole. There have therefore been more than enough new Santas to overcome the population increase of the world. So in fact, Santa has an easier time of it now than he did when he first started out.

Santa dead, indeed - some people will twist any statistic to "prove" their cynical theory.

[Megatron]

Bah, Santa exists! I just saw him on TV!!

Never saw GOD on TV, did you?

...therefore, Santa exists!!

[nermal]

Originally posted by Cretinist
Robert T. Carroll (I think) has long ago refuted this Asantaist garbage.

Don't forget as further proof of Santa's continued vigor, the trans-city pact of the early twentieth century. It was initiated due to a freak snowstorm in Southtown, which convinced the mayor of Santa's continued role in Christmas.
Santa subsequently made a much ballyhooed and well documented appearance in Southtown (I can look up the date in the archives) in appreciation for beginning the initiative in his honor.
This was all well documented in the Rankin/Bass documentary "The Year Without a Santa Claus."
They later went on to produce a documentary of the WWI Christmas Armistice.

Ed