Pray the Pledge - humor (?) from Landover Baptist

[Toto]

Pray the Pledge of Allegiance in School and Testify for Jesus! (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0803/pledge.html)

2. Before the Pledge begins, if your little classmates haven't noticed that you have your hands folded in prayer, not over your heart, bring it to their attention. If you are bold enough, right before the class gets ready to say the Pledge of Allegiance - shout, "Dear Lord Jesus. . ." and then continue with the rest of the class in unison, "I pledge of allegiance to the flag. . ." This will serve as a testimony to your teacher and the other students, that you are acknowledging that the Pledge of Allegiance is a prayer - right from the start. If the teacher pauses for any reason in the Pledge, look at one of your unsaved classmates and yell, "I feel a victory coming on! Yes, Jesus!" And be sure to end the Pledge with "A-men" as well. You will be surprised how fast it catches on!

. . .

10. Here is your window of opportunity - before anyone has a chance to open their mouth, start to pray this prayer and refuse to be interrupted: Poppa God, My Father in Heaven, we've just finished praying the Pledge of Allegiance to You. Everyone here openly acknowledges that we are not members of one nation under Allah or Buddha, or some other false god but we are one nation under YOU! You are God, the Father and through your Son, Jesus Christ, we acknowledge the sovereignty and ultimate authority of our Christian Nation above all other nations on earth. If any of us here are unsaved, we ask Jesus Christ to come into our hearts and stomp out the demons of Hindu, the demons of Allah, the fat little demons of Buda, and if we are Jewish, we ask you to forgive us for killing your Son and for Barbra Streisand. A-men.

[Rhaedas]

4. Begin to ask them what it feels like to be a Christian. They may, at first, resist your entreaties, claiming to know what you are so-called "up to." Wear them down any way you can. Finally, when they openly admit that they are not Christians, but actually embrace a false religion, like Hindu, Buddhist, or Muslim - this is your opportunity to feign the look of surprise. Try to look as puzzled as you can. Ask them directly why they just falsely stated during the Pledge of Allegiance that they are under your Christian God, but just now admitted that they are not. Tell them you don't appreciate liars and neither will the principal when he gets your note.

And yet, it's minimal or ceremonial deism if someone objects to it. :rolleyes:

That's a great article. The scary part is that we'll probably find it linked in a christian message board or fundie site as to how it "should be"...after all, the bible doesn't use satire to get its message across. Violence, guilt, and threats work fine.

:banghead:

[truelies]

Y'all are aware that this is a Parody site, Right?

The real Fred Phelps and Company are much more sinister.

[dangin]

No, Landover is a parody, who'd thought? That changes everything . . .


And Phelps is a joke. He has his family and two other small families in his congregation. He screams really loud, but no one is listening. In fact, he is an awesome PR machine for everything he is against, because no one wants to be on his side.