Please help me...

[Ihmhi]

I was riding along with my friends at 4:00 in the morning on May 31st. The drivr had just gotten his license. In a very heavily patrolled suburb, he made a sharp, fast left turn while there was a cop car behind us.

We got pulled over. There were wire cutters in a bookbag in the back seat. (I was at a friend's house, and he needed me to cut a chain that was wrapped around his handlebars because he lost the key for the lock. I was going home and the wire cutters were in the bag in the car with me.)

Anyway, apparently the wire cutters are considered burgulary tools. Also, when the driver saw the cop car, he pulled onto a back road and tried to ditch him. (We've since called him an idiot several hundred times.)

Anyway, when we got to court and told the judge our story (I'm 17 and therefore a juvenile, by the way), he realized that the "burgulary tools" charge was a crock. However, we were out at 4:00 in the morning and therefore were breaking some obscure curfew rule. He gave me and my two other juvenile friends 10 hours of community service. Seeing as we averted a horrible disaster and didn't get any jail time, we decided that it would be prudent to just go with it. All in all it was a fair judgement, so we were fine with it. (After all, it's only ten hours.)

Being an atheist and all, I decided to volunteer at an atheist organization. I live in Newark, NJ, and found that a building for "American Atheists" was in Cranford (a short train's ride away). I called and I'm going to go there in a few days. I have to also complete 40 hours or so as a graduation requirement for school, which means I'll probably be volunteering there for a few months. Even after I've finished my required hours, I'm probaby going to keep volunteering (hey, we atheists need all the help we can get!).

Anyway, here's my problem. My mom (who is unaware that I'm an atheist) asked me where I'm going to volunteer. My alcoholic father has been ranting when he's drunk, saying that I didn't sign up for anything and I'm going to jail. (He's a pathetic idiot.)

I don't want to lie to my mom anymore. We don't go to church or anything, so she's not super devout. I'm not even sure how devout she is. I just want to get it over with and tell her I'm an atheist. I love her and I want her to know the truth.

I know this is a tough issue, but how can I break it to my mom? Please help!!!

[Barcode]

If she doesn't go to Church, can you realistically see her having a fit? Heck, my gf is a devout Mass goer and has no problems with my being an atheist, visiting this forum, supporting atheist causes etc.

You're 17, and quite capable of forming your own opinions. Since you're not sure how devout your Mom is, I'm guessing that's a positive indication that the religious beliefs of others aren't an enormous deal for her.

Hope all goes well :)

[MJones]

My mother was a Christian but really devout. We didn't ever go to church. I told her I was an atheist (or agnostic; I was back and forth between the two when she was alive). Didn't seem to bother her much.

Your mother sound like mine, just from what you've said so far. I don't think you'll have anything to fear.

Your father, OTOH, might be a different story.

Dirty Dog

[Zora]

Is your choice of an organization for "community service" going to be approved by the court? When my son did community service (for the heinous crime of riding his 3-wheel off-road vehicle on our cul-de-sac)...the place had to be approved by the court first. He was given a list of places to choose from, but if he chose something other than one from the list, he had to get pre-approval. If you live somewhere that "American Atheists" qualifies as community service, I'm impressed!

[Ihmhi]

Because I don't live in Monmouth County, I "reside outside of their jurisdiction" and I had to choose a non-profit or government agency somewhere in New Jersey.

American Atheists is a non-profit agency.

I called, and the Senior Probation Officer approved it. Although she said that she talked to the guy and said "He was very nice" several times, like she was surprised an atheist is nice. ;)

[Purr]

Originally posted by Ihmhi
Although she said that she talked to the guy and said "He was very nice" several times, like she was surprised an atheist is nice. ;)

I think a lot of people are surprised Athiests are nice. Like I can't be nice if I'm not a good little xtian girl - which is what people assume I am.

Anyway, good luck w/telling your mom. :) I know how it is. Just remember that there's nothing wrong w/you, or w/what you believe and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

[Zora]

This is great! I am glad the Senior Probation officer approved it, and that she determined that the nasty atheist is "nice." I think "nice" is something that we as atheists need to be viewed as more often. I must admit, coming to this forum, I can see why some Christians don't like us. Seems some of us tend to be arrogant, some kinda frightening...etc., etc. I think most are above-average intelligence and rather "intense" for the run of the mill believer.

Good luck with Mom. She'll come around. Moms almost always do!

[Thanatoast]

Just curious: was the reasoning for the community service sentance based solely on the curfew law, or was it also for being in the car with a driver who was attempting to escape the police?

[Ihmhi]

Well, because it's family court, the judge can pretty much do anything he wants. We weren't actually charged with breaking curfew, but the judge brought it up and punished us basically for having fun. I don't care, I avoided jail time so I'm happy.

Thanks for the support.

[Proxima Centauri]

Just get a big hold onto your self control. Tell your mum you're an atheist. If she's upset keep your self control. Tell her you're sorry she's upset but you're still an atheist. However she replies carry on keeping your self control.

[Shake]

Originally posted by Zora
This is great! I am glad the Senior Probation officer approved it, and that she determined that the nasty atheist is "nice." I think "nice" is something that we as atheists need to be viewed as more often. I must admit, coming to this forum, I can see why some Christians don't like us. Seems some of us tend to be arrogant, some kinda frightening...etc., etc. I think most are above-average intelligence and rather "intense" for the run of the mill believer.

Good luck with Mom. She'll come around. Moms almost always do! (my italics for emphasis)
Trying not to sound too elitist, intelligence can be at best intimidating to those who don't have it (or are not confident about their own intelligence) and it causes fear in many theists who haven't been pushed to think for themselves. Religion in general (specific sects can be much worse) tends not to favor free, independent thinking of its followers. Sort of an, "if we want your opinion, we'll give it to you" type of thing.

In school, those who challenge authority and question the rules with great self-confidence are somewhat revered by some, and even feared by others (including faculty and staff). Good teachers and administrators will not try to break this behavior, but bend and shape it into a way that will help the student get ahead and put their questioning nature to good use. Entrepreneurs and innovators aren't total by-the-book kind of people. You don't get ahead by doing things the way they've always been done.

Anyway, I'm getting off-topic here. Ihmhi, I think honesty is your best policy with your mom, and I'm glad to hear that your choice of place to volunteer is not only available, but has been approved by the court! Good luck and thanks, as one atheist to another!

[Ihmhi]

Good and bad news. I told my mom, and all she said was "Atheist?" and left the room... No real issues.

Tonight, however, I tried to talk to her about it in greater detail. I wanted her to understand my views. She's really smart, and it just pisses me off that she's been tricked for so long. So I tried to talk to her, and she just didn't get it. I used every logical argument I could think of at the time.

I used the thing in Genesis about how women are supposed to suffer, I asked her how she could not believe in Santa Claus and other Gods but she can believe in hers...

She said that she read it in the bible and that makes it true. I said people could have lied in it, but she says because it was written so long ago it must be true.

I need something to really convince her. I've tried a lot.

On a positive footnote, I went to the American Atheist Center today and volunteered for 4 1/2 hours.

[Viti]

You can't convince her you're right. Try the "I am the same person and stilll love you" route

[The Other Michael]

Point out to her that the Bhagavad Gita and Book of the Dead were written an awfully long time ago too, so therefore they must also be true.

cheers,
Michael