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View Full Version : Is it better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not?


Secular Elation
August 24, 2003, 12:36 AM
Today I was at Hot Topic in the local mall, and I saw a black T-shit that displayed the title of this thread.

Once I saw it, it left me pondering the issue. Is it in fact better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not?

This inquiry hits home for me, no doubt in regards to my personal nonreligiousness. In the past, I admit that I have faked belief in a deity simply to appease fundamentalist pests. Some of them were lengthy acquaintences in which I conversed with frequently. After them getting to know me, they did hold me in high regard--but that was incorporating their ignorance of my true nonreligiousness.

Then there were some individuals in my life who have been distasteful about my disbelief. When the matter surfaced, I did not lie, and bluntly acknowledged my atheism. Although I wouldn't say they "hated" me, their opinion of me certainly suffered a major blow.

One could argue that it is better to be hated for what you really are, because it is better to be true to yourself as you are true to others, and not live in dishonesty simply to attract illegitimate friendship.

One could alternatively argue that it is better to be loved for something that you are not--but I'm sure no one here would argue that, as neither would I. Who wants to be loved for something that they are not? That person knows that the "love" he/she received is not genuine, because it is not genuine love for your true self. You are feigning a fake image of yourself to reel in the untrue adoring of others.

This is why I have decided that I will always exhibit my true self, regardless of how others think of me. I am the way I am; I should not be ashamed of the person I am. Let others think what they want to think. If they don't like me because I don't believe in their god, that's their problem. Yes, it is a good thing to be liked and accepted by others--but it is not a good thing when this wholehearted respect is acheived through personal projected lies.

reprise
August 24, 2003, 01:05 AM
Yes it is, and the older I get, the more I believe this to be true.

Vorkosigan
August 24, 2003, 08:51 AM
It depends? How much money are you getting for being loved?

wandererfromtx
August 25, 2003, 08:00 AM
Originally posted by Secular Elation
This is why I have decided that I will always exhibit my true self, regardless of how others think of me. I am the way I am; I should not be ashamed of the person I am. Let others think what they want to think. If they don't like me because I don't believe in their god, that's their problem. Yes, it is a good thing to be liked and accepted by others--but it is not a good thing when this wholehearted respect is acheived through personal projected lies.

Wonderful, I could not agree more. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.:notworthy

The hypocritical characteristics of some of people I have encountered reinforces these thoughts. I know, I for one, do not want to be included in those ranks.

Rhea
August 25, 2003, 12:44 PM
Which is better? Well, I suppose it matters whether the label is important at the time.

When I am giving a lecture, my atheism is irrelevant. Then will "love me for who I am" no matter what they are assuming about my religiosity. Because it doesn't matter in that context. Not even a little.

When I am volunteering, on the other hand, it matters, and I don't want to fail to display who it is that's volunteering.

When I am volunteering, do I make it a point to show that I'm a woman? No. Because there is no need to correct a false assumption there. Women are known to volunteer.

But when I submit a technical paper, I don't put my initials the way I do on my charity check. I put my whole name because I want people to grow by seeing women published.


So - my answer to the t-shirt's question: sometimes yes, sometimes no.

Heathen Dawn
August 25, 2003, 03:39 PM
I don't know. A part of me agrees with you, Secular Elation, but another part of me says it's one of the many things that are easier said than done. Sometimes the price of being true to every person may be too high to pay. I can't say, because I've never had to closet my atheism.