Rushianbeing
August 26, 2003, 08:59 AM
Hi there y'all, I need some suggestions and figured this was one of the best places to ask for this sort of help.
Two years ago (today, as a matter of fact), my sister in law died suddenly and completely unexpectedly. We are not certain what caused her death, the autopsy was very intensive but inconclusive, and the only thing the docs could come up with was that she likely had something like Wolff Parkinson White syndrome, where some cells in her heart are abnormal and misfired, causing the electrical signals to stop and her heart to stop beating. She was 31 years old, and so incredibly loved by all of us, especially my little brother (her husband). We were devastated beyond description, and obviously none of us will ever be the same. But we are grownups, and we handle it as best we can.
The issue is, when Lena died, she had just given birth to a beautiful daughter (my niece Maya) 11 weeks earlier. Maya obviously does not remember her mother, and has been extremely well taken care of since Lena's death by my parents, who moved her and my brother in with them, then relocated to Charleston to continue to raise her with my brother. She does not lack for love and attention, and she is a beautiful, perfect, well-adjusted little girl. But she is just past two years old now, and is starting to grasp the concept of Mommy. It is only a matter of time before she starts to ask questions. She is still very young, but is hyperintelligent (this is according to her docs as well, so it's not just us being biased! Okay, maybe just a little. ;) ). Does anyone have any ideas or know of any resources out there that would help guide us in explaining Lena's death to Maya? We do not want her to be scared of death, or be afraid that she's not going to wake up when she goes to sleep...things like that. We are non-theists and obviously would feel like we were lying to her if we told her Mommy's in the Christian Heaven, but sometimes I think what would be the harm in telling her this? I just don't want her to be afraid. This is doubly difficult because the docs theorize that what killed Maya's mother is genetic and runs in her family (the same thing happened with Lena's grandmother, she died suddenly at age 36), so Maya will have to be periodically checked out to make sure she is okay (she already had one EKG at 6 months old and looked fine). This is obviously going to scare her to death.
I realize that we cannot avoid scaring Maya, and that she is going to feel sad and frightened and confused no matter what, but we want to minimize it as much as we can. Any suggestions would be greatly, greatly appreciated.
Thanks guys...
Rushian
Two years ago (today, as a matter of fact), my sister in law died suddenly and completely unexpectedly. We are not certain what caused her death, the autopsy was very intensive but inconclusive, and the only thing the docs could come up with was that she likely had something like Wolff Parkinson White syndrome, where some cells in her heart are abnormal and misfired, causing the electrical signals to stop and her heart to stop beating. She was 31 years old, and so incredibly loved by all of us, especially my little brother (her husband). We were devastated beyond description, and obviously none of us will ever be the same. But we are grownups, and we handle it as best we can.
The issue is, when Lena died, she had just given birth to a beautiful daughter (my niece Maya) 11 weeks earlier. Maya obviously does not remember her mother, and has been extremely well taken care of since Lena's death by my parents, who moved her and my brother in with them, then relocated to Charleston to continue to raise her with my brother. She does not lack for love and attention, and she is a beautiful, perfect, well-adjusted little girl. But she is just past two years old now, and is starting to grasp the concept of Mommy. It is only a matter of time before she starts to ask questions. She is still very young, but is hyperintelligent (this is according to her docs as well, so it's not just us being biased! Okay, maybe just a little. ;) ). Does anyone have any ideas or know of any resources out there that would help guide us in explaining Lena's death to Maya? We do not want her to be scared of death, or be afraid that she's not going to wake up when she goes to sleep...things like that. We are non-theists and obviously would feel like we were lying to her if we told her Mommy's in the Christian Heaven, but sometimes I think what would be the harm in telling her this? I just don't want her to be afraid. This is doubly difficult because the docs theorize that what killed Maya's mother is genetic and runs in her family (the same thing happened with Lena's grandmother, she died suddenly at age 36), so Maya will have to be periodically checked out to make sure she is okay (she already had one EKG at 6 months old and looked fine). This is obviously going to scare her to death.
I realize that we cannot avoid scaring Maya, and that she is going to feel sad and frightened and confused no matter what, but we want to minimize it as much as we can. Any suggestions would be greatly, greatly appreciated.
Thanks guys...
Rushian