You Are Asked to Pray

[Kenneth]

Supposing you are an atheist, how would you react if someone you love ask you to pray for him/her?

Do you tell him you can't because you don't believe in God?

or

You go along because "What she doesn't know can't hurt her?"

[Bad Kitty]

I am an atheist and this happens often to me.

As cancer patient, many of the people I associate with and many of the boards I post to often reference god and prayer.

When someone says, "please pray for me" I simply say, "you will be in my thoughts." When my parents say, "we are praying for you," I'm not in the least bit offended, nor do I feel the need to continually debunk their religion (they are Catholic). They know I don't believe in god, but they do believe, and they are expressing their love and care for me.

When fellow cancer patients offer prayers, I say, "thank you, I appreciate your kindness."

Sometimes people notice my own lack of reference to any sort of religious belief and will ask more -- sometimes they don't. If they ask, I will explain that I am an atheist. That fact doesn't stop people from saying they will pray for me (perhaps they pray not only for a cure for me but also that I will find jesus ;) ). I accept their words in the spirit in which they are offered. Most people I come in contact with mean the sentiment in a VERY kindly way.

Michelle

[Alonzo Fyfe]

Originally posted by Kenneth
Supposing you are an atheist, how would you react if someone you love ask you to pray for him/her?

Do you tell him you can't because you don't believe in God?

or

You go along because "What she doesn't know can't hurt her?"


I have a problem with the concept of somebody that I love who would not know that I do not believe in God. It seems obvious that they do not know me. Which means that, though I love them, they do not love me. They love a fictitious creature that exists only in their own mind that they believe inhabits my body.

This is not to say that I tell everybody I meet that I do not believe in God. The word 'love' was used in the original question. The distinction between 'friend' and 'acquaintance' hinges precisely on the question of how well the other individual knows me, or has merely a surface conception of me.

If it is somebody that I love, but to whom I am a mere acquaintance, I would probably answer by changing the subject in a way consistent with my beliefs but which they would probably not notice. Do not agree to pray or refuse, but simply say something like, "If you need anything, you know how to get a hold of me."

Now, if they DO know me and they ask me to pray anyway, I would answer with an ironic smirk and say, "I would rather do something that is actually useful. Let me know what I can do to help."

[PaulPritchard]

First off, I can't immediately think of anyone who I know well that doesn't also know that I don't believe in god.

However...

If the situation did arise I would wish them luck/assure them that they are in my thoughts and try to avoid making any religious reference at all.

[DigitalChicken]

Originally posted by Kenneth
Supposing you are an atheist, how would you react if someone you love ask you to pray for him/her?


It depends on the situation.

I have to ask, "Is it better for me to fake it for the sake of this person?"

If the person was in an accident, help was on the way, possibly going to die, and there was nothing else I could do and they asked I would.

If someone said to me they were going to go do activity X which was fairly ordinary, then I would say that I don't pray.

DC

[99Percent]

This belongs in Secular Lifestyle (coming from Moral Foundations).

[keyser_soze]

I try to be honest, while inoffensive at the same time..

[veniceboy]

Like others, I generally state that you will be in my thoughts and that I hope for the best.
If my dying grandmother asked me to, I would probably just say, "I will"- what's the harm?

[Calzaer]

If someone says "Please pray for me", my stock response is something along the lines of "I'd be more comfortable doing something actually useful for you." or "No thanks, I'd prefer to do something that'll actually work."

[Buddrow_Wilson]

Originally posted by Kenneth
Supposing you are an atheist, how would you react if someone you love ask you to pray for him/her?

Do you tell him you can't because you don't believe in God?

or

You go along because "What she doesn't know can't hurt her?"

I don't think anyone has ever in my life asked me to pray for them, a loved one or otherwise. I few times someone has said they will pray for me to which I reply with an annoyed look.

I imagine that, barring a near-death request, I would reply sarcastically.

[DigitalChicken]

Originally posted by veniceboy
Like others, I generally state that you will be in my thoughts and that I hope for the best.
If my dying grandmother asked me to, I would probably just say, "I will"- what's the harm?

The harm is that it adds to the cumulative belief that everyone is just like the person asking you to pray. It's quite a similar effect to homosexuals staying "in the closet."

DC

[Barcode]

Nobody has ever asked. And most of the time I hear the expression, it's in the metaphorical sense and means no more than asking for pleasant thoughts. No big deal.

Now if somebody wanted me to say an actual prayer I guess I'd have to humour them ... or show them that they'll benefit more from having me do something to assist them in the real world.

[Rhea]

Depends on what they are asking for.

If it's dire health, I say, "I hope you get the very best medical care."

If it's grief, I say, "is there anything I can do", or "do you have family here and the support you need?"

If it's a football game, I say, "If I thought prayer actually worked I would feel like a corrupt devil's spawn to pray over football while failing to turn my attention to abused children. I don't know how anyone who actually thinks prayer works can ever get off their knees before all the children are safe. It's disgusting."

[lpetrich]

Of course, god might not enjoy people bugging him all the time.

[SqueezetheShaman]

Out of respects for their beliefs, I do it.

[Jutsuka]

Being the mean, cold-hearted SOB that I am I would probably tell them to sod off using my best Blackadder impression.

[EGGO]

I'd humor them, and then tell them what else would they like me to do while I'm at it, pray that everything else bad in the world go away? I did this to my girlfriend. I guess I can thank the lawd she's so easygoing.

[Ronin]

"I'll do whatever I can to help you."

...works for me.

[AspenMama]

Originally posted by SqueezetheShaman
Out of respects for their beliefs, I do it.

How is dishonesty a sign of respect towards another?

As others have said, offering useful help or saying that they will be in your thoughts is a way to be honest without causing upset during a difficult situation.

[joedad]

When I've been personally asked to pray, I simply ignore the request, politely carrying on with the exchange. It's not a big deal and doesn't require a response at all.

Only once have I responded on the subject, an occasion when someone told me they'd pray for me. I calmly replied, "If it makes you feel better."

[SqueezetheShaman]

Originally posted by AspenMama
How is dishonesty a sign of respect towards another?

As others have said, offering useful help or saying that they will be in your thoughts is a way to be honest without causing upset during a difficult situation.

I am an agnostic. I do not know whether or not there is something out there. If their God is listening, it does not hurt for me to talk to it for them. It hurts even less for me to say "hey if you are listening...." I am not being dishonest in any way. My exact words used in these situations before were "I am not a believer, but I will pray for you if you like"
I wasn't knocking anyone else for their responses, just putting in mine. Offering useful help or letting them know they will be in their thoughts are also perfectly good options, IMO

[AspenMama]

Originally posted by SqueezetheShaman
I wasn't knocking anyone else for their responses, just putting in mine. Offering useful help or letting them know they will be in their thoughts are also perfectly good options, IMO
I appreciate you offering your opinion, and I certainly didn't think you were knocking anyone else's opinion!

However, it is my opinion that it is disingenuous to pray to something that you don't believe in even if your friend does. As an atheist, offering secular advice, it is also my opinion that the best option is to only offer support through non-religious avenues. This is the best kind of respect we can offer others and ourselves and to promote atheists as caring individuals who can live with morals and caring for our fellow humans without the crutch or rather, reliance on some kind of god-belief.

[Bright Life]

My Gramma "knows" I'm an atheist. I told her probably 15 years ago. She has conveniently forgotten this, however. As I love her very much, and don't want her to worry that I'll burn for all eternity, I give her "plausible deniability."

Gma: You be sure to pray for cousin John, his arthritis is acting up something terrible.

Me: Oh, I'm already on the ball, Gramma, I'm making pork roast, greens and sweet potatoes for him so he doesn't have to cook tonight.

(can ya tell I'm a southern gal?)

I'm helping, which is what she really wants, and I haven't said I would pray, which I obviously won't.

[MasterJackass]

I'm not sure if I've ever been asked such a question before..

If It was something serious I'd probably say I would, but in reality I wouldn't.