Corgan Sow
September 1, 2003, 10:59 PM
Sorry. I feel like creating an absurdiculous topic title for the hell of it :p
No, I'm not converting back into... you know what I mean...
O.k, I did went back to church...for re-union thingy. It was on the 31st...Sunday. I came back from my friend's condo borrowing some great classical CDs, but I don't have anyone to hang out with. Besides, two of their members are getting married and I've been invited to their wedding this coming Saturday and...I should check out my old friends.
I've told my old church buddies I was officially agnostic (now a pantheist) and I asked them not to tell the church administration and pastor about my 'infidelity'. So far, the trick worked, the youth pastor I was very close with didn't brought the "Go back to jesus" crap, but my friends of course, being "sporting" for the "Lord" :rolleyes: did do the usual. I lied to the pastor that I found out a new church when he asked me why I didn't come out for a long time and my friends didn't do anything about it.
Still, they were still cool after a couple of minutes of yadayada-ing to me and we went off for lunch. Me and my former best friend talked on the old times, asked how our high-school pals were doing [/i]etc[/i]. Anyway after a good lunch, a deaf person came inside the restaurant carrying a handful of cutesy toys soliciting customers to buy his products. He's one of the few deaf people who sells toys for their charitable organizations.
Now I know it's annoying to interrupt people having their meals and solicit them to buy toys. He saw that we had several big plates of "leftovers" on the table, then he "lectured" us when we gestured that we had no money to buy his toys. He looked pissed, and from his gestures I definitely knew that he was pissed we're all bunch of selfish-spoiled-rich-brats:boohoo: What came unimaginable was when he left. One of my friends did a "loony" sign and another friend ranted about how annoying the "ol' geezer" was. That completely ticked me off. I didn't show my emotions but I knew after that, the wedding will be my last outing with my church members...ever. So much for "an eye for an eye" and the dang part of the Bible where you give away your coat when asked for your shirt :rolleyes:
Well, I've got a confession to make to anyone who has been reading the topic at Non-Abrahamic religions. I am a Soka Gakkai member when I deconverted to Christianity and now I am still. It's just because its the last place I belong myself to. How mistaken I was when I de-converted, I could get a much better support at Soka-Gakkai. The reason why I stayed because Soka Gakkai is much more neutral and less fundy-fied than my old church (although it is still a cult) and I love the orchestra I participated in. I ranted about Celine and Alma in my past topics, the people I relied as my adopted sisters. Sadly, I no longer had contact with them because despite all my rants, they didn't showed enough signs that they cared for me.
I realised one year after I de-converted I wasted my emotions on these two individuals and I felt like I was cheated. Maybe I was ranting too much, they didn't complain that I whined too much. But what can i do? These few months, my life was stable just because I talked to celine a couple of times.
That is the problem of Asian culture. People are too busy getting immersed themselves with work. I couldn't get Celine out with me despite persistent requests (twice every month since January) despite the fact I prepared a fuckload of cash to give her a treat. I mean, do you fucking get this in America? You refuse a treat several times?:confused: I thought...hey if my church friends found out about this they'll be saying "See, it's better if you go back to Christ". I had a great social life back at church, the Easter, the Christmas dinners, the barbaques, free food, chicks, chicks and more chicks. If my old church are fundy-fied Jebus lovers, Soka Gakkai are mindless cult drones who're occupied with hundreds of religious meetings a month. Whenever I ask a Soka Gakkai member whether he/she is free for a movie, they will always reply "Nah, I've got this Women's discussion meeting to plan, etc" I can no longer find intimacy in both sides. Despite the fact, I have to stay at Soka Gakkai.
I mean, it's like an atheist staying on at church. There is no Unitarian churches here. I only have an infidel friend, and I wished he was a chick =P Yeah, baby my sexual tensions are worst than ever and I have yet to find a girlfriend.
The last point I'm trying to make is; I find myself slipping back into insecurity because no one is there for me to trust. I met a lot of new people when I started my new semester in collage three weeks ago, but now I am afraid to socialise. My experiences with Celine devastated me so bad, I am afraid to talk to girls on the phone. I mean, how do I find people to rant with from my new bunch of friends in short periods of time?
No, I'm not converting back into... you know what I mean...
O.k, I did went back to church...for re-union thingy. It was on the 31st...Sunday. I came back from my friend's condo borrowing some great classical CDs, but I don't have anyone to hang out with. Besides, two of their members are getting married and I've been invited to their wedding this coming Saturday and...I should check out my old friends.
I've told my old church buddies I was officially agnostic (now a pantheist) and I asked them not to tell the church administration and pastor about my 'infidelity'. So far, the trick worked, the youth pastor I was very close with didn't brought the "Go back to jesus" crap, but my friends of course, being "sporting" for the "Lord" :rolleyes: did do the usual. I lied to the pastor that I found out a new church when he asked me why I didn't come out for a long time and my friends didn't do anything about it.
Still, they were still cool after a couple of minutes of yadayada-ing to me and we went off for lunch. Me and my former best friend talked on the old times, asked how our high-school pals were doing [/i]etc[/i]. Anyway after a good lunch, a deaf person came inside the restaurant carrying a handful of cutesy toys soliciting customers to buy his products. He's one of the few deaf people who sells toys for their charitable organizations.
Now I know it's annoying to interrupt people having their meals and solicit them to buy toys. He saw that we had several big plates of "leftovers" on the table, then he "lectured" us when we gestured that we had no money to buy his toys. He looked pissed, and from his gestures I definitely knew that he was pissed we're all bunch of selfish-spoiled-rich-brats:boohoo: What came unimaginable was when he left. One of my friends did a "loony" sign and another friend ranted about how annoying the "ol' geezer" was. That completely ticked me off. I didn't show my emotions but I knew after that, the wedding will be my last outing with my church members...ever. So much for "an eye for an eye" and the dang part of the Bible where you give away your coat when asked for your shirt :rolleyes:
Well, I've got a confession to make to anyone who has been reading the topic at Non-Abrahamic religions. I am a Soka Gakkai member when I deconverted to Christianity and now I am still. It's just because its the last place I belong myself to. How mistaken I was when I de-converted, I could get a much better support at Soka-Gakkai. The reason why I stayed because Soka Gakkai is much more neutral and less fundy-fied than my old church (although it is still a cult) and I love the orchestra I participated in. I ranted about Celine and Alma in my past topics, the people I relied as my adopted sisters. Sadly, I no longer had contact with them because despite all my rants, they didn't showed enough signs that they cared for me.
I realised one year after I de-converted I wasted my emotions on these two individuals and I felt like I was cheated. Maybe I was ranting too much, they didn't complain that I whined too much. But what can i do? These few months, my life was stable just because I talked to celine a couple of times.
That is the problem of Asian culture. People are too busy getting immersed themselves with work. I couldn't get Celine out with me despite persistent requests (twice every month since January) despite the fact I prepared a fuckload of cash to give her a treat. I mean, do you fucking get this in America? You refuse a treat several times?:confused: I thought...hey if my church friends found out about this they'll be saying "See, it's better if you go back to Christ". I had a great social life back at church, the Easter, the Christmas dinners, the barbaques, free food, chicks, chicks and more chicks. If my old church are fundy-fied Jebus lovers, Soka Gakkai are mindless cult drones who're occupied with hundreds of religious meetings a month. Whenever I ask a Soka Gakkai member whether he/she is free for a movie, they will always reply "Nah, I've got this Women's discussion meeting to plan, etc" I can no longer find intimacy in both sides. Despite the fact, I have to stay at Soka Gakkai.
I mean, it's like an atheist staying on at church. There is no Unitarian churches here. I only have an infidel friend, and I wished he was a chick =P Yeah, baby my sexual tensions are worst than ever and I have yet to find a girlfriend.
The last point I'm trying to make is; I find myself slipping back into insecurity because no one is there for me to trust. I met a lot of new people when I started my new semester in collage three weeks ago, but now I am afraid to socialise. My experiences with Celine devastated me so bad, I am afraid to talk to girls on the phone. I mean, how do I find people to rant with from my new bunch of friends in short periods of time?