Mum's getting remarried

[tensorproduct]

In a few weeks my mum will be getting married in a big church ceremony and I have been asked (told) to do a reading during the service. When this was first brought up I was okay with it because I thought that the reading would be some vague emotional babble about love and family and that sort of crap, but today my step-dad showed me the piece and it is full of God this, and God that, as well as having the Responsorial Psalm at the end of it (for non-Catholics, this is an extra creepy bit of the mass, where everybody intones the same phrase about half a dozen times, with me leading them.) I don't want to back out of doing this because I've already promised I would, but I also don't want to appear like a hypocrite since I am very open about my non-theism.

A little bit of background on the situation. My mum and SD have been seeing eachother for about a decade and got engaged around three years ago. My mum is (to the best of my knowledge) a deist or pantheist, whereas SD is a practising Catholic. This obviously led to disagreement on the details of the wedding, so a compromise was reached, about 18 months ago a small civil ceremony was held and now we are having a big church do.

I don't think that SD is entirely comfortable with his bride's lack of religion, so this has become a sticky point recently that everyone is trying to avoid, so I don't know if I can bring it up safely.

I just wanted to get that off my chest. I know that the answer is just to suck it up and not fuck with their big day, but any advice would be appreciated.

Cheers

[Viti]

I would tell him that as a non-Catholic you are not comfortable with that reading, and would prefer something else. Maybe have some nice secular readings on love or committment available to show him. Surely he has Catholic friends or family who would be honored to do the reading he suggested.

[The Other Michael]

After all, he wouldn't want you to get nervous and call upon Odin All-father instead of Our Father by mistake.

I'd be surprised if the priest wouldn't have problems with an atheist taking part in a solemn religious ceremony - do you have to go to confession/mass before you are allowed to do that, or do any groveling at the priest's feet, or similar things that might be inappropriate for a non-believer?

cheers,
Michael

[SiliconWolf]

LadyShea, The wedding sounds like it will be part of a complete Mass, which requires one OT, one NT, and one Gospel reading. No exceptions that I know of, unfortunately.

And yeah, the responsorial thing is kind of creepy.

I agree with The Other Michael that the priest probably isn't supposed to allow a known atheist to do the readings. They do tend to bend the rules a bit for weddings and funerals, so you never know. Unless you've had a conversation with the priest, he would probably be none the wiser.

tensorproduct, I don't think I would be willing to pretend like you have been asked to. It doesn't sound like you volunteered for this duty, so you should at least consider biting the bullet and telling them to find someone else. There must be enough Catholics in your future stepfather's family to handle all these churchy things.

[tensorproduct]

Originally posted by The Other Michael
After all, he wouldn't want you to get nervous and call upon Odin All-father instead of Our Father by mistake.


Not, my style I'm afraid. :) Also like I said I wouldn't want to ruin their big day.

Originally posted by The Other Michael

I'd be surprised if the priest wouldn't have problems with an atheist taking part in a solemn religious ceremony - do you have to go to confession/mass before you are allowed to do that, or do any groveling at the priest's feet, or similar things that might be inappropriate for a non-believer?


I forgot to mention, the parish priest was reluctant to perform the ceremony at all (very old, very conservative, very weird priest), because my mother is non-practising. So now a relative of my SD, a younger priest, is going to do it. The newer clergy tend to be less strict with these rules, probably because they're so desperate to have anyone attend mass at all.

Originally posted by SiliconWolf

LadyShea, The wedding sounds like it will be part of a complete Mass, which requires one OT, one NT, and one Gospel reading. No exceptions that I know of, unfortunately.


Yeah, that's the one.

Originally posted by SiliconWolf

And yeah, the responsorial thing is kind of creepy.


Come to think of it, no creepier than any other part of the whole thing.

Originally posted by SiliconWolf

tensorproduct, I don't think I would be willing to pretend like you have been asked to. It doesn't sound like you volunteered for this duty, so you should at least consider biting the bullet and telling them to find someone else. There must be enough Catholics in your future stepfather's family to handle all these churchy things.

Well, there are 5 children between the two families, and we have been all asked to perform some duties during the ceremony and I drew the first reading. I don't think that any of the others are any more religious than I am, although I am the only declared atheist.

Thanks

[Richard1366]

I would tell them that if they want you to read something, then it should be something that is meaningful to you in your relationship to them. Pick out one or two nice secular pieces and present it to them for their approval.

If they agree, fine; if they don't then simply say that you would feel uncomfortable reading something that doesn't truly represent your feelings.