Out of the mouths of babes

[Belle]

Ok so this is all probably pretty senseless. However, it does show how religion plays a big part in even little people's lives.

Josiah my seven year old comes home from school and says," Mommy Christians are all really mean and really really nasty." I am startled as he mentioned this once last year and we ended up discussing how we shouldn't judge people by their religion. Apparently many of he kids on his bus start conversations about god and then proceed as some kids do to be obnoxious.
Cussing, stealing, hitting, and lying were some of the things he mentioned. Then he went on to talk about how some of the boys talked about touching girls boobs. Sigh......

Jacob my 9 year old proceeds to ask me if a marriage can be half and half (after seeing a girl for the first time in 1.5 yrs on labor day weekend that he worshipped from about 5yrs to 8yrs). I'm not sure what he means and question him further. What he wants to know is if an atheist can marry a christian and if there is a law against it. They had apparently discussed this at the get together. I told him these marriages
could work and there was no law preventing him from marrying her if they decided that's what they wanted to do. His reply..." Good mom cause she's a geekie looking girl but she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and she's smart and nice too." :D

Now for the 14 year old. Colton just got his first kiss. He confirms tongues were used. He is hoping he did it right.:p Problem is she is a full figured drop dead gorgeous long haired 16 yr old latino girl who is also as sweet as apple pie (and looks 21). I was checking the key logger to make sure my other kiddo hadn't been doing stupid things online and ran across the message from my oldest stating to his new girlfriend that he was a virgin and planned on staying that way and hoped she didn't think any less of him. He then went on to state that he was an atheist and hoped she could accept that as well. He mentions that he cares about her and would never do anything to belittle her beliefs whatever they were. I didn't read the rest and deleted the log. That was all I needed to read. They've been calling each other often so I guess it doesn't matter much to her at all. :D

Anyway just thought I would share.

[Calzaer]

Yay!

[FoE]

Damn! Your son Frenched a girl at 14! I feel like such a loser. And he told you about it? Kick ass.

[ieyeasu]

For those out there wondering...

^That's parenting done right.

Good job, I'm glad to hear it. Hopefully it catches on in our society, eh?

[Gothic_J]

-makes note to call her when he has sprogs-

[wokthisway]

Belle, your children are lucky they have you as a role model. That feeling of security that comes from being able to be yourself and to trust that what you say to a parent won't be dismissed, is priceless.

Thanks for sharing, and hello, by the way. :)

[Belle]

Originally posted by wokthisway
Belle, your children are lucky they have you as a role model. That feeling of security that comes from being able to be yourself and to trust that what you say to a parent won't be dismissed, is priceless.

Thanks for sharing, and hello, by the way. :)

Yeah well that security they feel is damn near killing me! Here's what I mean.
Colton also said there was some serious BUTT grabbing along with that kiss. Ok I can deal with that. Barely, but I am dealing with it..... for a few seconds...until he tells me She TOLD HIM NEXT TIME HE SHOULD RUB IT HARDER!!!!!!!! ARRRRRRGGGGGUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHH!

We were driving at the time. I damn near took out an oak tree, two pedestrians, a cat, and a couple of construction signs! All in the time it took me to tell him that hat was good because some women won't tell a man what they want. He looked at me quisically and asked what I meet. I had to explain the whole issue about how each person likes to be touched differently and some women get mad at men if they aren't "touched" the way they need to be yet won't tell them how to do it. Then the poor guy gets belittled because the woman thinks he's supposed to read her freaking mind. By that time we had made it home.

I grabbed his daddy and told him what was up and that he needed to make sure he talked w/Colton and made sure he knew where the condoms where and to even make sure Colton tried one out in the shower or something so if we needed to get a smaller or larger size we could. My husband grabs a condom and walks toward Colton's room to hand it too him with a teasing smile. Colton got pissed and stormed out of the house. This was not a light hearted issue as far as he was concerned.


Who had to go follow up and talk to him yet again? ME! That's right Mom again.
I caught him in the front yard and gave my impromtu "talk". It included something about not knowing what was going on in his mind, heart, or pants and only having my past expierience to go on with my own love life. Advising him his passions were no less valid than anyone else's. The difference is that while a novice those passions take over and override the firing of neurons and lowering the IQ by about 20 points. Advising him he was responsible for his sexual health both body and soul and reminding him where the condoms were and telling him the only thing his cock needed to touch without a rubber was his palm. I would not raise another baby and mutual masturbation is always an alternative.

He told me he had no plans on having sex. Yeah I believed that!:rolleyes: Anyway even if he doesn't want to do it right now I seriously doubt it's because of some moral conviction. It's more likely that it's his own internal intimidation/fear of the unknown.

When the day comes, and I hope it's a long way off, I want him to get a glimmer of his me, his mother, telling him to back away atleast 10 feet, take a breath, & respect himself and the person he's with enough to put on a fucking rubber ! Then and only then will I go away and give him his mind back! :D

My husband walked in that night and said, "So Babe how upset are you that your baby boy got his first kiss?" I just looked at him and allowed my chin quiver. He had my feelings at that very moment pegged. I remember when this little guy was preterm and could be held with one hand. Now a wonderful sweet passionate young woman is holding my 6' 240lb baby in her hands. Sigh......

[Belle]

Originally posted by ieyeasu
For those out there wondering...

^That's parenting done right.

Good job, I'm glad to hear it. Hopefully it catches on in our society, eh?

I don't know if it's right or wrong. There's more to it and I posted that as well. I don't want to fuck up my children's lives by being too open, but to be honest I've rarely found anything to not be open about. I'm pretty liberal. I don't want them watching porn at their ages but that's about the only thing I restrict. Movies is all and music for my youngest ones. Being the little head bangers they are I have to becareful about the songs with lyrics that you can actually understand...:rolleyes:

I have a date with my seven year old tonight. With all that's gone on in the past 7 days I'm scared about what he'll want to discuss!;) If we have to go over "why do girls have periods" at dinner I can handle it. But if he touches on that damn gay/lesbian/just how do they have sex thing again I'll just have to distract him with money for the candy machine like I did last time.

[crisisGirl]

if the glb topic makes you uncomfortable, perhaps you could find a good book on the subject. that's the way my parents explained puberty - they found a book they approved of, tossed it to me, told me to read it and ask them if i had any questions.
i don't know how much you tell your younger one about the mechanics of sex - i'm guessing he knows something. the fact that he is curious about gay sex is very unlikely to mean that he is gay himself - he seems to just be having some trouble wrapping his brain around how it works.
on the other hand, if he figures out that he gets money for the candy machine for asking that question, you might get asked about it a lot more. ;)

[Belle]

Originally posted by crisisGirl
- i'm guessing he knows something. the fact that he is curious about gay sex is very unlikely to mean that he is gay himself - he seems to just be having some trouble wrapping his brain around how it works.
on the other hand, if he figures out that he gets money for the candy machine for asking that question, you might get asked about it a lot more. ;)

You are right about the money thing!:D Maybe I'll just start telling him it's really important that he go clean his room really well next time he brings it up!

It is indeed the mechanics part that makes him wonder. He has heard so much thru the other school children and the media he can't help but know something and therefore ask about it. He understands the act of seual relations between two people of the opposite se but not between two of the same sex.

[ieyeasu]

Originally posted by Belle

I have a date with my seven year old tonight. With all that's gone on in the past 7 days I'm scared about what he'll want to discuss!;) If we have to go over "why do girls have periods" at dinner I can handle it. But if he touches on that damn gay/lesbian/just how do they have sex thing again I'll just have to distract him with money for the candy machine like I did last time.

Actaully, you've only impressed me again. Am I to believe that you have a specified individual encounter with each of your children at least once a week?

I know that sounds like an exageratoin, but you have to understand that that's something that hasn't happened in my house in literally years. Honestly, it sounds like you're doing a great job. Not to say there won't be challenges (which I'm sure you're well aware), but overall, it sounds like you don't have to much to worry about.

[/gush]

[Belle]

Originally posted by ieyeasu
Actaully, you've only impressed me again. Am I to believe that you have a specified individual encounter with each of your children at least once a week?

[/gush]
No nothing specified. I do try to do something with one of them once a week if possible. Usually they end up busy so I atleast get one to the video store and a burger joint for a little while when I can. These things are usually sporatic and after cancer and surgery they were even more so. I'm trying to get back in the swing of things.

Josiah has a special outlook on life & needs much more attention & conversation to keep him on track. He only seems to be able to get serious with me. Other than that he goes to extremes of either joking around or bitching about everything. Very high strung little boy with an etremely high need to do things like climb trees he can't get out of, climb up walls like spider man, jump off of things he shouldn't have been on in the first place. Now this is normal boy stuff. However, most boys learn to stop of it hurts. Josiah prefers to repeat and perfect the incident until he learns how to do it where it doesn't hurt or hurts less. He has no fear of anything. His school principal and all of the office staff know him. I am working hard to prevent repeats of last year where he did things like tell another little boy he was a dick head for pushing a little girl and then proceeded to ignore the kid all year unless ofcourse he was telling him to shut up "cuz you're a dick head". I knew the little boy. He was a dick head. Josiah just didn't get why he couldn't announce it to the class...repeatedly.

[openeyes]

You wouldn't mind if I printed your discussion and handed it to my teen boy, would you? :notworthy

I probably wouldn't do that exactly, but you've put a lot of my thoughts into words.

[Viti]

I agree, sounds like you have done a great job and raised some nice human beings who care for others.

[User]

Originally posted by Belle
I was checking the key logger to make sure my other kiddo hadn't been doing stupid things online and ran across the message from my oldest stating to his new girlfriend that he was a virgin and planned on staying that way and hoped she didn't think any less of him. He then went on to state that he was an atheist and hoped she could accept that as well. He mentions that he cares about her and would never do anything to belittle her beliefs whatever they were.

Key logger? Aren't those reserved for paranoid, stalker parents? Judging from the aparently strong relationship you have with your children, is that really necessary? You sound cooler than that.

[Viti]

User, I think it's a good idea to know what your kids are viewing/reading/watching. Especially as she has several...too many to monitor personally.

[Belle]

Originally posted by User
Key logger? Aren't those reserved for paranoid, stalker parents? Judging from the aparently strong relationship you have with your children, is that really necessary? You sound cooler than that.

Actually when I said "other kiddo" I was referring to my husband. Whole different story.

[Buddrow_Wilson]

I have to admit that if I had found that my mother was using a "key-logger" on me, it would have made me lose alot of trust in her. One of the best things about her was her sense of "private space". Even when I was little, we would have what we called our "private drawer" which was a drawer in the dresser in which we kept mostly junk, but I knew she would never look in it. I had playboys and such in there at times and she never discovered them. She also would never snoop in my closet, or through my pockets, etc. Occasionally she would clean my room for me when she couldn't stand the sight of it anymore and even that made me feel uncomfortable. However, in all honesty, it sounds like you have a much better relationship with your kids than my mother had with us. :)

[geniph]

The business with the condoms upsetting him cracked me up, because it reminded me of my husband making his boys aware of the availability of condoms, and their location...his younger boy swore up and down that he and his girlfriend weren't having sex, weren't going to have sex, that she wanted to wait until marriage, and yada yada yada. This went on for a couple of months. Then the condoms started disappearing from the drawer. Then I noticed a jumbo-size box of condoms in his nightstand drawer. Yeah, okay, just because a teenager says they're not having sex NOW, that doesn't mean anything about TOMORROW. Better safe than sorry, say I. Minds change.

As to the key logger thing - well, several years ago, my husband and I walked into the house and the boys hurriedly shut the computer off (not even properly shutting down, they just hit Big Red). My suspicions were aroused by the hasty departure from the area, so I took a look at the history files. I called my husband quietly over and said, "you might want to take a look at this" and showed him what the boys had been looking at (we thought at first they'd found HIS bookmarks - horrors!). Anyway, he looked, then had a private talk with the boys, explaining that he didn't want to censor their Internet surfing, but he did want them to talk to him about anything that disturbed or confused them (they were about 13 and 11 at the time). He said he was more concerned about them getting suckered into some Heaven's Gate thing than web porn, but wanted them to talk to him about what they saw. They asked him some questions of the "why on earth would people want to do THAT" variety. The experience also put the Fear of Geni into them, as they didn't know how we knew what they'd looked at (they'd happened on the porn sites accidentally through a link to the Warhammer game stuff they were actually after).

These days, we don't monitor what they do on their computers, but they've had a few of those talks with their dad, which I think is the healthiest way to deal with it. Prohibitionism doesn't work well.

[Stiletto One]

Geez...I wish my parents were that cool. Meantime, I don't think I have to worry about what my mom or dad would do, but rather, what my two older sisters would do. The second-oldest (21) would probably just vomit all over whatever she was standing by when she found up, but the oldest (22) would probably hunt me down and castrate me or something.

:confused:

Anyway, I think my parents have pretty much just written me off as a trouble-maker. :p

[ohwilleke]

I hope to have such parenting successes when my 2 and 4 year old are of that age.

[2tadpoles]

Originally posted by geniph
Yeah, okay, just because a teenager says they're not having sex NOW, that doesn't mean anything about TOMORROW. Better safe than sorry, say I. Minds change.

When I was about thirteen, I used to walk home from school with the girl up the street. We weren't really friends, but we walked the same path. One day our conversation turned to sex. She swore up and down that she'd never have sex before she was married, and was sort of appalled that I didn't have the same mentality.

Anyway, that was at the end of seventh grade.

In ninth grade, she showed up for the first day of class with an obvious protrusion of the midsection. I remember being absolutely shocked. :eek:

[Belle]

Originally posted by Frogsmoocher
When I was about thirteen, I used to walk home from school with the girl up the street. We weren't really friends, but we walked the same path. One day our conversation turned to sex. She swore up and down that she'd never have sex before she was married, and was sort of appalled that I didn't have the same mentality.

Anyway, that was at the end of seventh grade.

In ninth grade, she showed up for the first day of class with an obvious protrusion of the midsection. I remember being absolutely shocked. :eek:

Thus the reason girls were married off at very young ages throughout history.

I was just sick the other day when my son's best friend's older (17 or 18?) yr old sister ended up being pregnant. She had come over to my house a few months ago begging for $20.00 to go to the local pregnancy center to see if she was pregnant. My husband handed me the funds. I asked her to come back and let me know if she was pregnant. She was upset because her dad didn't like her dating black guys. So she'd already had one scare. Then as Steve and I pulled up to the local pharmacy his mother was pulling out with her daughter and the boyfriend and annouced she was going to be a grandma. That little bith had already thought she was pregnant once and eventhough she wasn't she didn't take any precaustions and sure enough now she is knocked up....by a 16 yr old boy no less. Makes me ill.