ohwilleke
September 8, 2003, 08:29 PM
Fall is back in swing. This means that churches now have services that are not unreasonably early in the morning. This means that my wife now wants to start going to church again after a summer hiatus.
She went, with the kids (2 & 4) to the local UU church this week. Evaluation: The sermon was good, the music sucked, and I don't know a soul after having gone there on and off for almost a year.
Conclusion: She may want to look for a new church.
This places me in an awkward position. So far, I have taken a "do what you please stance", providing transportation (we are a one car family), but no more. And, UU was a step in the right direction . . . from Presbyterian. But, now she is talking about going to a church within walking distance of our home. This reduces my direct involvement, but also means that the choices are decidely more Christian. There is a fundie church, a Presbyteran church, a United Church of Christ, a few Catholic churches, an ELCA Lutheran, a Missouri Synod Lutheran, and a "Community of Chirst" (i.e. St. Louis Mormon) church within walking range. There is a different UU church about a similar drive away (i.e. a few miles away) and a Quaker meeting house not too far away.
She has remarked that the ELCA, for example, has too much "Christ" stuff, and is a bit complicated, and hasn't been able to articulate clear reasons why she needs to go, but clearly does want to get involved with something. She also notes, accurately, that its very close, that the music is much better than UU, that it is an intimate setting, and that I didn't turn out so bad after going to such a church growing up. I'm not worried that she will go to a fundie church like Missouri synod.
I am worried that she will get involved in a mainline Christian church again (by itself not so bad) and will insist on getting the kids actively involved as well.
So, what do I do? Say nothing, despite the fact that I have strong feelings about it and they are my kids too? Suggest a church in an effort to find the lesser of evils? Strongly suggest abandoning the church thing all together against resistance in an area that has so far been her private affair? Or, encourage her to give the local UU more of a chance, possibly even getting actively involved even though I really don't want to?
This comes across a backdrop of minor issues.
About a month ago, she got a Veggie Tales at the library for the kids. Most Veggie Tales videos are pure Biblical allegory. I looked at the cover and honestly couldn't pin any familiar bible stories to it (despite having a pretty strong religous education myself) and she said the kids really liked it (and had mixed feelings about Shrek, which was also rented and a little too old for our kids). A few weeks later my daughter had picked (apparently of her own accord) a video at the library featuring an animated catapillar that was billed as the Jesus Story. That one "got lost" for a week in our book cases and was returned on the due date. I'm sure my daughter thought nothing of it other than wanting to see animated bugs.
Meanwhile, it has gotten to be time to plan for December. It is my parents turn for us to visit then. Some secular people like the secular side of Christmas, but I really don't. I've also wanted to have that season at home for once, but don't know if that is socially acceptable. My parents are particularly fundie, although they've grown somewhat more religious. My wife and the kids would probably go to an early Christmas eve service, and we'd have presents under the tree.
It isn't that there aren't bright spots. I was reading my daughter a story about the Sandman, and I asked her what she thought about the Sandman and she said that "The Sandman isn't real." One of her good friends is from a secular family. My wife is herself careful about monitoring what is happening with another of her friends who is very evangelically religious. We've avoided MOPS (a religous pre-school parents organization).
But, life is so damn complicated. It is one thing when the outside world is beating at your door and you have to fend it off in a unified front. It is another, when you spouse, who is the stay at home parent with primary child care responsibilities has different feelings about religious issues than you do -- not fervantly different, but enough to be uncomfortable. Suggestions are welcome.
She went, with the kids (2 & 4) to the local UU church this week. Evaluation: The sermon was good, the music sucked, and I don't know a soul after having gone there on and off for almost a year.
Conclusion: She may want to look for a new church.
This places me in an awkward position. So far, I have taken a "do what you please stance", providing transportation (we are a one car family), but no more. And, UU was a step in the right direction . . . from Presbyterian. But, now she is talking about going to a church within walking distance of our home. This reduces my direct involvement, but also means that the choices are decidely more Christian. There is a fundie church, a Presbyteran church, a United Church of Christ, a few Catholic churches, an ELCA Lutheran, a Missouri Synod Lutheran, and a "Community of Chirst" (i.e. St. Louis Mormon) church within walking range. There is a different UU church about a similar drive away (i.e. a few miles away) and a Quaker meeting house not too far away.
She has remarked that the ELCA, for example, has too much "Christ" stuff, and is a bit complicated, and hasn't been able to articulate clear reasons why she needs to go, but clearly does want to get involved with something. She also notes, accurately, that its very close, that the music is much better than UU, that it is an intimate setting, and that I didn't turn out so bad after going to such a church growing up. I'm not worried that she will go to a fundie church like Missouri synod.
I am worried that she will get involved in a mainline Christian church again (by itself not so bad) and will insist on getting the kids actively involved as well.
So, what do I do? Say nothing, despite the fact that I have strong feelings about it and they are my kids too? Suggest a church in an effort to find the lesser of evils? Strongly suggest abandoning the church thing all together against resistance in an area that has so far been her private affair? Or, encourage her to give the local UU more of a chance, possibly even getting actively involved even though I really don't want to?
This comes across a backdrop of minor issues.
About a month ago, she got a Veggie Tales at the library for the kids. Most Veggie Tales videos are pure Biblical allegory. I looked at the cover and honestly couldn't pin any familiar bible stories to it (despite having a pretty strong religous education myself) and she said the kids really liked it (and had mixed feelings about Shrek, which was also rented and a little too old for our kids). A few weeks later my daughter had picked (apparently of her own accord) a video at the library featuring an animated catapillar that was billed as the Jesus Story. That one "got lost" for a week in our book cases and was returned on the due date. I'm sure my daughter thought nothing of it other than wanting to see animated bugs.
Meanwhile, it has gotten to be time to plan for December. It is my parents turn for us to visit then. Some secular people like the secular side of Christmas, but I really don't. I've also wanted to have that season at home for once, but don't know if that is socially acceptable. My parents are particularly fundie, although they've grown somewhat more religious. My wife and the kids would probably go to an early Christmas eve service, and we'd have presents under the tree.
It isn't that there aren't bright spots. I was reading my daughter a story about the Sandman, and I asked her what she thought about the Sandman and she said that "The Sandman isn't real." One of her good friends is from a secular family. My wife is herself careful about monitoring what is happening with another of her friends who is very evangelically religious. We've avoided MOPS (a religous pre-school parents organization).
But, life is so damn complicated. It is one thing when the outside world is beating at your door and you have to fend it off in a unified front. It is another, when you spouse, who is the stay at home parent with primary child care responsibilities has different feelings about religious issues than you do -- not fervantly different, but enough to be uncomfortable. Suggestions are welcome.