Calantorntain
December 24, 2003, 06:09 PM
I have to post this someplace. I want to post it in my LiveJournal, but I don't want to cause any more pain to anybody.
Yesterday I posted the lyrics to “Gods Rest Ye Unitarians” from the humor section here, in a forum I visit, in a post where a person’s message consisted solely of the true lyrics.
Not to long after that, a person that I greatly admire (the way a person might admire a teacher that they are around often. I admire him because he is my idea of a nearly perfect person. He can write and sing, he is taking lessons on how to use a broadsword, he has extremely high morals, and he has always seemed to me to be the most wonderful guy) posted in his Live Journal an entry about the song. His comments were not complimentary.
So I'm looking around the VI [the name of the place where the forum is], and I stumble across a 'Merry Christmas' topic. This is good stuff- friendliness is always appreciated, after all- so I click and look in. Someone's posted the song 'God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen' in its entirety. This gives me a warm and happy glow; that's always been my favorite Christmas carol.
Then I look at the next post, where I find this:
[My post, with the “Gods Rest Ye Unitarians song]
And now I'm feeling physically sick.
That was my favorite carol.
That's... ugh.
I'm going to go throw up. That's not 'cute'. That's sickening.
Current Mood: sick
Current Music: God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen
This post did not really bother me, nor did any of the comments that were posted. I did, however, delete the lyrics from my post, with a note saying that I did not want to offend anybody, then put an apology in my Live Journal. I knew that the person who had been offended (Sean) would read it. He had not been the only one offended it seems, there were many people that posted comments in this entry agreeing with him, but more on that later.
After going to the holiday Girl Scout meeting (yes, I am still a girl scout. Snicker and die.) and making cookies with my family, I came back to the computer to find two new entries. The first, a poem thing.
Look in the mirror,
What do I see?
A shackled fool,
Looks back at me.
Fronds of darkness,
Twisted fate,
As I become,
All that I hate;
Yet carry far,
A torch so bright,
I can return,
Into the light,
What is this then,
That I've become?
Many questions,
Answers? Some.
A constant watch,
I try to keep,
But trait'rous dreams,
Come as I sleep,
When others mock,
What I hold dear,
Beliefs are scorned,
By many a peer;
What shall I do,
How do you hold,
When all the world,
In its cold
Array against you
All is spread?
You cannot trust
In heroes. Dead,
And gone are knights
Who dragons slay,
And I must face
Another day,
With others' values
Surrounding me,
Why can they never
Ever see
The truth I hold
So evident-
To them 'tis lies!
And so I vent
My spleen, my ire
In poetry,
To keep the silence
From mocking me.
The truth I hold
So close and dear,
Is counted myth,
And all I fear
Is that somehow
They're in the right,
Yet still I know,
I'm in the light,
And faith's rewards
Are wondrous bright,
For those who can
Resist the night.
And the next entry, an apology.
Contemplative/Apology to Cala
To call all that others see as perfectly just and correct 'wrong' seems the height of arrogance, especially when I insist that the morals and codes I adhere to are correct. And yet, with the stubbornness I've inherited from both sides of my family, the sequence seems inevitable.
By my morals, many things that happen within society today are wrong. I'm not even going to go into specifics because I can guarantee that a large part of my audience, including those I count as friends, will be driven away.
Many people will of course be offended by this, so it's probably too late to mention my stance on teaching of faith or lack thereof. It's simple.
I believe what I believe; I further believe that what I believe is the one and only correct path.
Being at least mildly compassionate, and considering that it's a dictate of my beliefs that I do so, I naturally want other people to believe as I do.
I recognize that others may not believe as I do, and may consider me to be deluded, misguided, or plain nuts.
I can force no one to believe anything, and so, while I consider their beliefs to be misguided, and in some cases plain wrong, I realize that those are their beliefs, and respect them.
This does not, however, mean that I have to agree with or believe in the things they do, nor does it require that I not get upset when they cross the line from believing the things they do into forcing me to believe them as well and/or attacking the things I believe.
One of the things I believe- one of the cornerstones of my faith, in fact- was attacked today, and I lashed out. That was a mistake. I can think of a few ways I could have made it worse- attacking the beliefs of the person responsible, or attacking the person responsible directly, but it was still a mistake.
So- Cala- although I find your system of morals is thoroughly foriegn to my faith, I realize that you posted that poem because it amused you, and not, in fact, to make me feel sick. And using a semi-public forum such as this journal to mention my reaction was a really stupid idea, I'd say. So, yes, I'm going to apologize for over-reacting so.
And thank you for editing your post on the VI.
After reading that, tears came to my eyes.
That night, I couldn’t get to sleep till about 2 o’clock. I had a horribly stuffed nose, stomachache, headache, and feeling of deep sadness.
It’s amazing what words can do.
The tears came at first from I don’t know where. I can’t think of the right words. I would like to say happy, but the word happy sometimes involves smugness, and there was none of that. I suppose happily semi-grateful would be close to the right words. The apology really touched me.
Yet, when I went to bed a few minutes later, the tears did not go away. I knew they were no longer from that letter. Perhaps it was because I knew I had caused others to feel emotional pain. This is something I strive not to do, and I strive doubly hard not to hurt those that I greatly admire.
The knowledge of what I had done, it sickened me. Gave me a stomachache. The tears still ran, and the nose stuffed up. I was also saddened from what I had seen other people write in their comments in the first post.
“Floorlamp the infidels.”
“*beats whoever did that with a 20-foot-diameter steel stick*”
“Some people just feel the urge to make other people mad. And they're pretty darn good at it, too.”
“Have a Merry Christmas (just think, it'd probably piss whoever that was off)”
I have things to say to these comments, yet I cannot bring myself to say anything there. To the first one there, I found it a bit ironic, since I found the lyrics at the Internet Infidels Discussion Board. I was saddened, because this is a person that I had thought to be rational, nice, and I had looked up to. It bothers me how quickly some will make harsh statements, and it bothers me more that I was the one that made them do it. And while this person may not sincerely want to ‘floorlamp the infidels’ it is still scary. Wanting to harm somebody simply because you see their beliefs as inferior… that is truly sick.
For the second one, she was not a close friend. She was a close acquaintance though. I had also thought her to be a nice person. Not only was my head beat, but my heart beat as well. How quickly people’s tempers flare when they feed off the kindling of religion.
The second to last comment on this list is the one that hurt me the most. I did not feel the urge to make people mad. While I have felt it before, I have never felt it against any of the nice folk there. I did not post that song to make people angry, I did not post it to ruin people’s Christmas’, and I did not post it to make people think about their religions. I simply thought it to be a cute song. Being good at making people mad is something I have never tried to be. I want to ad a comment to her comment, one that says, “I assure you, had I wanted to make people mad, I would have posted something far more offensive than a simple parody song.” Or something like that. Yet I do not want this whole event to turn into a huge argument. I do not want to be the spark that causes a forest fire
The last comment is a bit annoying. First all of them are mad because I did something that somehow offended them, yet this was said, possibly in hopes to offend me. It does not. If you want to wish me a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and a Terrific Tuesday, well, Yay! Being wished a good day is a good thing. Why on earth would I be pissed off? I suppose you could say that sentence insulted my religion (or lack of one), and therefore it is as bad as my song lyrics. But I find nothing truly wrong with either of them.
It saddens me greatly to see how quickly people turn to hate. People that I love. I know we have differences, but that does not bother me. You believe that thing, and I find it silly. You find it silly that I don’t believe it. But it doesn’t matter. It is not worth harsh words.
I have no lasting hate towards Sean. He apologized, even though he didn’t really need to. I know that some things happen that make your blood boil. While it may be that his post was a little offensive, that is what a journal is for. To post things that you can’t say to a person. To vent frustration. And online journals are better, because you can get other people to vent frustration with you.
But those notes. They cut me deep.
This experience has done many, many things to me. Emotionally and physically. One of the biggest things it has done is that it has ripped away any chance of me ever reconverting to Christianity. Ever.
Why must religion make people so hateful?
So that is my rant, posting things that you already know about humanity.
Thank you for baring with me.
Happy Holidays,
Calantorntain
Yesterday I posted the lyrics to “Gods Rest Ye Unitarians” from the humor section here, in a forum I visit, in a post where a person’s message consisted solely of the true lyrics.
Not to long after that, a person that I greatly admire (the way a person might admire a teacher that they are around often. I admire him because he is my idea of a nearly perfect person. He can write and sing, he is taking lessons on how to use a broadsword, he has extremely high morals, and he has always seemed to me to be the most wonderful guy) posted in his Live Journal an entry about the song. His comments were not complimentary.
So I'm looking around the VI [the name of the place where the forum is], and I stumble across a 'Merry Christmas' topic. This is good stuff- friendliness is always appreciated, after all- so I click and look in. Someone's posted the song 'God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen' in its entirety. This gives me a warm and happy glow; that's always been my favorite Christmas carol.
Then I look at the next post, where I find this:
[My post, with the “Gods Rest Ye Unitarians song]
And now I'm feeling physically sick.
That was my favorite carol.
That's... ugh.
I'm going to go throw up. That's not 'cute'. That's sickening.
Current Mood: sick
Current Music: God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen
This post did not really bother me, nor did any of the comments that were posted. I did, however, delete the lyrics from my post, with a note saying that I did not want to offend anybody, then put an apology in my Live Journal. I knew that the person who had been offended (Sean) would read it. He had not been the only one offended it seems, there were many people that posted comments in this entry agreeing with him, but more on that later.
After going to the holiday Girl Scout meeting (yes, I am still a girl scout. Snicker and die.) and making cookies with my family, I came back to the computer to find two new entries. The first, a poem thing.
Look in the mirror,
What do I see?
A shackled fool,
Looks back at me.
Fronds of darkness,
Twisted fate,
As I become,
All that I hate;
Yet carry far,
A torch so bright,
I can return,
Into the light,
What is this then,
That I've become?
Many questions,
Answers? Some.
A constant watch,
I try to keep,
But trait'rous dreams,
Come as I sleep,
When others mock,
What I hold dear,
Beliefs are scorned,
By many a peer;
What shall I do,
How do you hold,
When all the world,
In its cold
Array against you
All is spread?
You cannot trust
In heroes. Dead,
And gone are knights
Who dragons slay,
And I must face
Another day,
With others' values
Surrounding me,
Why can they never
Ever see
The truth I hold
So evident-
To them 'tis lies!
And so I vent
My spleen, my ire
In poetry,
To keep the silence
From mocking me.
The truth I hold
So close and dear,
Is counted myth,
And all I fear
Is that somehow
They're in the right,
Yet still I know,
I'm in the light,
And faith's rewards
Are wondrous bright,
For those who can
Resist the night.
And the next entry, an apology.
Contemplative/Apology to Cala
To call all that others see as perfectly just and correct 'wrong' seems the height of arrogance, especially when I insist that the morals and codes I adhere to are correct. And yet, with the stubbornness I've inherited from both sides of my family, the sequence seems inevitable.
By my morals, many things that happen within society today are wrong. I'm not even going to go into specifics because I can guarantee that a large part of my audience, including those I count as friends, will be driven away.
Many people will of course be offended by this, so it's probably too late to mention my stance on teaching of faith or lack thereof. It's simple.
I believe what I believe; I further believe that what I believe is the one and only correct path.
Being at least mildly compassionate, and considering that it's a dictate of my beliefs that I do so, I naturally want other people to believe as I do.
I recognize that others may not believe as I do, and may consider me to be deluded, misguided, or plain nuts.
I can force no one to believe anything, and so, while I consider their beliefs to be misguided, and in some cases plain wrong, I realize that those are their beliefs, and respect them.
This does not, however, mean that I have to agree with or believe in the things they do, nor does it require that I not get upset when they cross the line from believing the things they do into forcing me to believe them as well and/or attacking the things I believe.
One of the things I believe- one of the cornerstones of my faith, in fact- was attacked today, and I lashed out. That was a mistake. I can think of a few ways I could have made it worse- attacking the beliefs of the person responsible, or attacking the person responsible directly, but it was still a mistake.
So- Cala- although I find your system of morals is thoroughly foriegn to my faith, I realize that you posted that poem because it amused you, and not, in fact, to make me feel sick. And using a semi-public forum such as this journal to mention my reaction was a really stupid idea, I'd say. So, yes, I'm going to apologize for over-reacting so.
And thank you for editing your post on the VI.
After reading that, tears came to my eyes.
That night, I couldn’t get to sleep till about 2 o’clock. I had a horribly stuffed nose, stomachache, headache, and feeling of deep sadness.
It’s amazing what words can do.
The tears came at first from I don’t know where. I can’t think of the right words. I would like to say happy, but the word happy sometimes involves smugness, and there was none of that. I suppose happily semi-grateful would be close to the right words. The apology really touched me.
Yet, when I went to bed a few minutes later, the tears did not go away. I knew they were no longer from that letter. Perhaps it was because I knew I had caused others to feel emotional pain. This is something I strive not to do, and I strive doubly hard not to hurt those that I greatly admire.
The knowledge of what I had done, it sickened me. Gave me a stomachache. The tears still ran, and the nose stuffed up. I was also saddened from what I had seen other people write in their comments in the first post.
“Floorlamp the infidels.”
“*beats whoever did that with a 20-foot-diameter steel stick*”
“Some people just feel the urge to make other people mad. And they're pretty darn good at it, too.”
“Have a Merry Christmas (just think, it'd probably piss whoever that was off)”
I have things to say to these comments, yet I cannot bring myself to say anything there. To the first one there, I found it a bit ironic, since I found the lyrics at the Internet Infidels Discussion Board. I was saddened, because this is a person that I had thought to be rational, nice, and I had looked up to. It bothers me how quickly some will make harsh statements, and it bothers me more that I was the one that made them do it. And while this person may not sincerely want to ‘floorlamp the infidels’ it is still scary. Wanting to harm somebody simply because you see their beliefs as inferior… that is truly sick.
For the second one, she was not a close friend. She was a close acquaintance though. I had also thought her to be a nice person. Not only was my head beat, but my heart beat as well. How quickly people’s tempers flare when they feed off the kindling of religion.
The second to last comment on this list is the one that hurt me the most. I did not feel the urge to make people mad. While I have felt it before, I have never felt it against any of the nice folk there. I did not post that song to make people angry, I did not post it to ruin people’s Christmas’, and I did not post it to make people think about their religions. I simply thought it to be a cute song. Being good at making people mad is something I have never tried to be. I want to ad a comment to her comment, one that says, “I assure you, had I wanted to make people mad, I would have posted something far more offensive than a simple parody song.” Or something like that. Yet I do not want this whole event to turn into a huge argument. I do not want to be the spark that causes a forest fire
The last comment is a bit annoying. First all of them are mad because I did something that somehow offended them, yet this was said, possibly in hopes to offend me. It does not. If you want to wish me a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and a Terrific Tuesday, well, Yay! Being wished a good day is a good thing. Why on earth would I be pissed off? I suppose you could say that sentence insulted my religion (or lack of one), and therefore it is as bad as my song lyrics. But I find nothing truly wrong with either of them.
It saddens me greatly to see how quickly people turn to hate. People that I love. I know we have differences, but that does not bother me. You believe that thing, and I find it silly. You find it silly that I don’t believe it. But it doesn’t matter. It is not worth harsh words.
I have no lasting hate towards Sean. He apologized, even though he didn’t really need to. I know that some things happen that make your blood boil. While it may be that his post was a little offensive, that is what a journal is for. To post things that you can’t say to a person. To vent frustration. And online journals are better, because you can get other people to vent frustration with you.
But those notes. They cut me deep.
This experience has done many, many things to me. Emotionally and physically. One of the biggest things it has done is that it has ripped away any chance of me ever reconverting to Christianity. Ever.
Why must religion make people so hateful?
So that is my rant, posting things that you already know about humanity.
Thank you for baring with me.
Happy Holidays,
Calantorntain