Do you "respect" your Xtian friends?

[Corgan Sow]

At collage, somehow at least twice a week I will hang out with a buddy along with her Xtian friends to a cafe about five minutes drive for lunch. My buddy is a Catholic and is tolerant about my "atheism" (I still don't like to call myself an atheist although I'm a pantheist and don't believe in a Divine being). I knew her Xtian buddies in my collage CF a few months before I left there permanently. They still had assumption that I am a Christian, yet I'm not making too much fuss and eager to show the whole world I'm an infidel. I had to bear their "yadayadayada" about occasional praises to Jebus, religion talks and stuff, the reason other than not wanting to make a fuss is that I respect their freedom of speech.

One day, I drove them to a new restaurant some few miles from collage. My Catholic friend made a joke and I replied mockly with "Mein Gott!". Then, she asked me what is the meaning and i said it's "My God" in German. One Xtian friend asked me not to use God's name in vain because it's against the Babble. Somehow, I promised, and I drive on.

Now, some of you here might see me being an arse kisser too much, but I'm saving for an oppurtunity where these people have to respect my atheism when need to talk about it. I'm curious to read how far do you "respect" your Xtian friends when they respect your beliefs.

[Omega Glory]

I honestly don't know if any of my friends are Christian (I live in the U.S. so at least some of them have to be though. Anyways, I think you did the right thing. There's no reason to be disrespectful to someone or hurt their feelings if you can just as easily be polite. I come from a religious family, and some of the things they say drive me insane sometimes but since they're not harming anyone, there's no reason to make a scene or anything.

Now if your friend doesn't give your beliefs the same respect then it's time to point out the hypocrisy.

[Straight Hate]

I have one close friend who is Christian (why, I truly do not know - but that's another issue, I suppose), and our parlance regarding religion is odd to say the least.

I respect those who hold their faith dear and actually follow the dictates of their religion. Those who pay lip service to God and then act totally out of character with what they profess do not get my respect. In the case of the above friend, I do not respect his religious 'convictions', and have made it clear I think his faith worthless, but I have also said I respect him in other areas. The trouble is, I often wonder, do I really? Is my attitude towards his religious beliefs isolated to that specific thing, or does it bleed throughout all?

I too would like some insight on the issue.

[colin]

You have to respect them, but they only have to tolerate you?... I don't think so. They're the one's believing in supernatural crap. If they worshipped the toothfairy or a potato, would you respect them or tolerate them?

[Goliath]

I have absolutely no respect for xianity, but I have respect for some xians.

Sincerely,

Goliath

[Fyrefly]

I respect my Christian friends' beliefs fully, but in return they are obligated to respect my non-belief. I don't like Christians as a general rule, but there are a few out there who are genuinely good people.

[catalyst]

I respect people as individuals, not according to their beliefs. There are numerous other factors involved that are more important to me. On the subject of their religous views, as long as they do not beat me over the head with them, I have no difficulty with whatever they may think/worship.

[RevDahlia]

I only have four friends who are Christians, and I feel differently about each of them.

My ex-boyfriend is a very liberal, but very devout, Christian who curses and has premarital sex and campaigned for Howard Dean and rarely goes to church. Nevertheless we broke up over our religious differences -- he found that, for all he is extremely liberal, he couldn't overlook the fact that I think his religion is dumb. (That pretty much sums up how I feel about Christianity in general, actually: I think it's dumb. Dumb and weird.) However I know that the church provided him with vital support and comfort during a very difficult time in his life, and he is grateful for that. I look at his religion as something kind of like Linus' security blanket, and I find it embarrassing, but I respect and care for him deeply despite it. It's kind of like having a friend who's really into NASCAR, I guess -- I think it's dumb, but I love and respect him otherwise.

I have another friend who's a Christian Scientist, and quite the loony-bird. I happily engage him in spirited debate often; it's a cornerstone of our friendship. We both enjoy our discussions immensely. In his case, I view his Christianity (or whatever it is, those CS people are daft) as an interesting aspect of who he is.

And then there are my in-laws, who live, eat, sleep and breathe Jesus and are also wonderful people. (Horrors.) They are wholly unconcerned with other people's beliefs -- they raised two sons who are perfect heathens, and don't mind in the slightest. To them their religion is very personal, if visible, and I can't hold it against them; it's their thing, they're doing what they want to do.

Short answer: depends on the Christian in question. I'll respect anyone, provided they're not an asshole, regardless of whatever weird beliefs they hold dear.

[ratherGroggy]

I have about 3 close friends that are Christian, and I can honestly say I respect them as much as my other friends. One of them is even Catholic, but she doesn't try to push her beliefs on me or other people; anytime we have a debate on a religion-related subject it doesn't hurt our friendship any. I've even attended her church's service not too long ago, just to see what all the hoopla's about.

Though, my ex-girlfriend is newly converted from Agnosticism.. And I can't stand her anymore. But that may be a little biased since we broke up, and all. :rolleyes:

[His Noodly Appendage]

I don't respect christian (or any kind of religion's) beliefs in the slightest. I think they're utterly stupid and pretty much beneath contempt, intellectually speaking. Morally, too, most of the time.

Respect that crap? Hell no. Apart from anything else, how much would my respect mean if it sank to that level?

However, I know lots of theists that I personally respect to a huge degree. they are (variously) intelligent, kind, talented, insightful, dedicated and responsible people, who happen to entertain some insane superstitions. I respect them for their good qualities, and only let their religion influence my judgement if it overrides said qualities.

I might despise their theism, but I hold the person in the esteem they inspire in me. Which can be a huge amount.

jbc

[clark]

The great H.L. Mencken put it best:

We must respect the other fellow's religion,but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

THOUGHTfully Yours,
Clark

[Secular Elation]

Of course I respect my Christian friends, at least I respect them more than the belief. But still, I understand why they believe what they believe, and even though it depresses me to see them spending a great deal of their lives in something that is false, I can't condemn them.

[Gawdawful]

One day, I drove them to a new restaurant some few miles from collage. My Catholic friend made a joke and I replied mockly with "Mein Gott!". Then, she asked me what is the meaning and i said it's "My God" in German. One Xtian friend asked me not to use God's name in vain because it's against the Babble.OMG, Oh. My. God. Your friends mustn't be anything like my 16 year old daughter's friends. Oh my god, they like say "Oh my god" every fifteen seconds or so, it's so, like, oh my god. And half of them belong to mainstream Christian denominations.

Respect Christians? Some of them I have a great deal of respect for, some of them, particularly the in-you-face-with-their-version-of-Christianity ones, I have so close to zero respect as to be indiscernable from zero. Respect in friendship though must be a two-way street, otherwise it ain't much of a friendship.


Warren

[DaveyBoy]

I have absolutely no respect for religion of any kind, and find it hard to respect religious people. I don't think I could have a relationship with a Christian that I could consider meaningful enough to call a "friendship".

[Naruto]

I don't respect people in general. There are, however, some people, even some Christians, who deserve respect. I just haven't met any of them :rolleyes:


"In the depths of my heart I can't help being convinced that my dear fellow men, with a few exceptions, are worthless."
-- Sigmund Freud

[JHamblin]

At collage, somehow at least twice a week I will hang out with a buddy along with her Xtian friends to a cafe about five minutes drive for lunch. My buddy is a Catholic and is tolerant about my "atheism" (I still don't like to call myself an atheist although I'm a pantheist and don't believe in a Divine being). I knew her Xtian buddies in my collage CF a few months before I left there permanently. They still had assumption that I am a Christian, yet I'm not making too much fuss and eager to show the whole world I'm an infidel. I had to bear their "yadayadayada" about occasional praises to Jebus, religion talks and stuff, the reason other than not wanting to make a fuss is that I respect their freedom of speech.

One day, I drove them to a new restaurant some few miles from collage. My Catholic friend made a joke and I replied mockly with "Mein Gott!". Then, she asked me what is the meaning and i said it's "My God" in German. One Xtian friend asked me not to use God's name in vain because it's against the Babble. Somehow, I promised, and I drive on.
This brings up an interesting point... do we atheists want there to be a double-standard about religious talk? On the one hand, we don't want to be "proselytized" in any way. While you may respect their freedom of speech, you really do want them to not talk about their religion, right? I'm certainly unashamed of my atheism, and I make no secret of the fact that I don't appreciate religious blathering around me. At the same time, I still swear using the religiously themed curses I was brought up with. I still say "god damn it." Is it unreasonable for a Xian to ask me to refrain from saying that sort of thing around them? Isn't it only fair that if I want them to refrain from talking about their god that I should do the same?

JH

[AtheistSalmon]

I do not have any Xian friends. Xians up here are "small town ambulance chasers", and cannot seem to mind their own business. Another way I stay away from Xians is by going to remote areas of Alaska for months out of the year for work; there are very few (mainly Latin American Catholics) at these job sites as most Xians would not miss out on a Sunday at church or agree to work seven days a week.

[Evolutionist]

I do not respect any of my religious friends beliefs- I find them absurd and superfluous. However, I respect their right to believe whatever the hell they want to- and naturally quite like them beside that. If their religion or beliefs come up in conversation (they rarely do) I usually are non-commitant unless pressed, at which point we both usually end up regretting it (it's hard to mask one's contempt of something so absurd when pressed).

Like I said though, it rarely comes up- to the point that I have honestly no idea about the religious beliefs of 95% of my friends.

[SiliconWolf]

I generally respect people regardless of their religion. The only time someone's religion might make me lose respect for them is if they're really pushy about it, but I've rarely seen that happen. There are some people I find it tiring to be around sometimes because they do tend to talk about religion too much, but I usually try to ignore it.

The few people that I have little respect for generally got that way for other reasons, like racism, drug abuse, or just bad attitudes. But I don't really consider most of them to be friends anyway.


Like I said though, it rarely comes up- to the point that I have honestly no idea about the religious beliefs of 95% of my friends.

Same here.

[Barcode]

I don't have any super religious friends. My housemate is a nominal Christian, so it never comes up. To be honest, I think somebody who took the Bible literally and spouted off about "being in a relationship with Jesus" would be too diametrically opposed to me in order for a meaningful friendship to get off the ground.

Other than that, religion isn't really mentioned much here. I wouldn't be able to tell you what some of my friends believe, it's just a non issue.

[JP2]

I'm concerned with what people "do", not what they "believe". It would be fairly hypocritical for an atheist - as a member of a semi-marginalised minority group - to ostracise Christians purely on the basis of their beliefs. So long as they are otherwise decent people, I will respect a Christian as much as I respect any other individual. I have Christian friends (with beliefs ranging from liberal to fundamentalist) and religion (or lack thereof) is rarely an issue. When it does come up, I think we respect each others viewpoint enough to debate it civilly and not let it get in the way of our friendship.

Besides, how could you consider someone a "friend" if you didn't respect them?

[Plognark]

I respect the person if they demonstrate they are worthy of it. I cannot bring myself to respect such idiotic and malformed beliefs, however, so I find that I have avoid the topic to remain friends with a few people who are otherwise great individuals.
There are others that I have had to completely remove from my life to avoid a seriously hurtful showdown.
A few of my friends I am actively questioning when they bring up foolish beliefs, ranging from astrology to psychics and accupuncture to god and religion. My questioning usually shocks the hell out of them, but I never do it in a confrontational manner.

[The Other Michael]

I still say "god damn it." Is it unreasonable for a Xian to ask me to refrain from saying that sort of thing around them? Isn't it only fair that if I want them to refrain from talking about their god that I should do the same?

JH

You could always try telling them "no, it's OK for me to swear since I don't believe in god" and see how they take it.

cheers,
Michael

[No Quarter]

I generally only "respect" those that have earned my respect - I also don't expect anyone to respect me unless I've earned it as well - double edged sword...

For someone to demand that I respect their beliefs without that belief in and of itself having attributes that make it worthy of such respect is an unacceptable position for me.

If religion draws my ire and contempt, I really don't think I can find it in me to not apply the same ire and contempt for adherents to said religion.

Of course, as one other poster said, it depends on the kind of christian they are - if it is a holy roller bible thumper type - there is no way I would be friends with them in the first place. Just too many points of contention and, unless you want to relegate every conversation to talking about how nice the weather is and if you saw the game last weekend, it is impossible to communicate with a godbot on any meaningful level. Remember - they see everything and make every decision/conclusion based upon their godfilter. If you try to question their beliefs, they will not listen. If they try to convert you, you will not listen. If they can't convert you, they will cast you aside as evil and not want anything to do with you anyway. Wasted time in my opinion...

Please keep in mind I am talking about fundie-type godbots - not the diet version that so many seem to pay lip service to.

NQ

[Clete]

I respect them, I just think they're a little crazy. I like my friends a little crazy anyway though, so it kind of works out.

My level of respect for people works like grades on the first day of school: everybody starts of with an A, but if you act like an ass I'm going to start losing respect for you.

[Z_Ryan]

Well, if they are my friends, I do respect them. They wouldn't have become my friends otherwise. I do not have respect for their beliefs, in the sense that I appreciate their beliefs. I respect their beliefs in the sense that I tolerate and give room for, and do no openly attack it. (I will openly attack someone's religion when they make attacks on me, or exhibit unethical behavior based on their religion.) As long as they are tolerant of my non-belief, I can get along with anyone of decent character who is religious.

I acutally have only one good friend who is deeply Christian, and although I think she spends too much of her life on what I know is wasteful superstitution, she has never tried to convert me and never criticized my atheism. So that gets my respect. (Likewise, I never criticize her religion, or even bring up religion with her at all.)

[4th Generation Atheist]

'Pends what one means by "respect". I'm usually nice enough to religious friends (I can't stand the in-your-face fundie type of religionist, though, so I don't have any of those) and respectful in the civil-discourse sense. I don't try to change my habits to avoid offending them, however (such as the "taking the Lord's name in vain" thing) so if they have trouble with the occasional "goddammit" that's just too bad. And I don't tone down my opinions if it at any point becomes appropriate to bring them up. I just choose friends who can handle that.

I do, however, dislike hearing about religion ("witnessing" or such, or any of what you could call religious nagging) in any medium that I can't just turn off. ;) Hence I'm usually not the one who initially brings the topic up.

[Selsaral]

Some of my relatives are christians, and none of my friends are. I respect my relatives who can keep their mouths shut about it. As soon as they start bible preaching (rare, because like I said, my family are polite), I let it go pretty much immediately. As others have also said, I have zero respect for christianity. If someone forces me to label them a christian (by making christianity the number one issue in my relationship with them), they might lose my respect also. My grandmother I consider my grandmother, not a christian, because she doesn't make it an issue.

The issue is similar to politics. I regularly have gigantic debates with my relatives, and they are constructive. We often don't agree, but we don't force politics to be a defining characteristic of our relationship. We are relatives enjoying a conversation first and foremost. Many christians cannot seem to place their religion in the same status.

[Rhea]

I have many Xian friends whom I respect very much. I don't repect them for their christianity, I respect them for their humanity. They are genuinely nice and kind people with a belief that I disagree with completely. But that doesn't make them less nice or less kind. It just means that I think they are incorrect about what causes what in their lives. I think they're nice because they're nice. They think they're nice because they're Christian.

[fried beef sandwich]

Otherwise, I just stop being their friend. Kind of a winnowing out process. So yes, I respect all my Christian friends. :D

Actually, the Christians I'm friends with are more open minded than you would think. And there are other things that help maintain the friendship, so it's not just an all or nothing religion thing.

[Greger]

I don't have any Christian friends (I wonder why... :D).

I had a Christian friend, until I told her that I thought Christians lack intellectual integrity and that I hated that she willingly reduced her great mind to that of a sheep's. She told me to have a nice eternity in hell, and I haven't heard from her since then. :D

As a previous poster said, respect is earn, both ways. I can tolerate Christians if they shut up about their beliefs.

[Loki]

Hm. We seem to hate religion and (in some cases) the religious pretty vehemently here.

I personally don't mind as long as they're not the ueber-fundy type. I abstain from religious jokes in the company of my religious friends, and in general, it just doesn't come up.

If I utter an "Oh god...." they don't mind too much, and if they say something like "I'll pray for you," I genuinely thank them because, well, as Willa Cather said "The prayers of all good people are good."

[Goliath]

Hm. We seem to hate religion...pretty vehemently here.

And precisely what is wrong with hating religion?

Sincerely,

Goliath

[Roland98]

Just a quick intercession to make sure this thread doesn't turn into a "why hate religion" thread. You're free, of course, to start a new one on that topic, however.

Thanks.

Roland98
SL moderator